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RE: (AQ) Tales of a warmonger Comments and Discussion Thread

 
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12/17/2011 13:54:52   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


Hmmm?

If anything, I should be the one apologizing for not being able to go over it right now and being so slow. As soon as I done some business, I should be able to get to it. Again, thank you kindly for taking the time to critique.

*Elryn grins*

Many thanks, War Master. I have a few comments to add about your story, but that will have to wait sadly.


< Message edited by Elryn -- 2/2/2012 17:33:08 >
AQ  Post #: 51
2/2/2012 17:32:43   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


Part 3 is up.

It is not as polished as I would have it (personally, I am thinking something needs to be done about the formulation of the dialogue, the quote punctuation is not pretty, suggestions most welcomed) but anytime I am going to find in the coming days will be either for the war or a war story. I might be able to add in a lore scroll in this thread later on though it contains spoilers. Keep your eyes peeled if you interested (not literally! *chuckles*). More later.
AQ  Post #: 52
2/6/2012 16:36:24   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


As promised, a bit of lore. More spoilers about the Kresh, be warned:

spoiler:

~Excerpt from the Diary of Elias the Traveler, The Grand Library~

Haha! I've got the scroll! and right from under those pesky necromancers' noses too! It reads as follows:

My current situation prevents me from writing a proper report. I, Infiltrator Matthias Hope, ask to whoever receives this missive to relay this without delay to High Paladin Lightfist.

The Kresh are not we believed them to be. They are not creatures of this world but of another entirely. They are summoned to this plane through dark magics: The Grey Mother Summoning Ritual.

~Grey Mother Summoning Ritual~

The only necessary regents are flesh of recently killed body and equally fresh blood. A wild beast will do, human is most effective. These will serve as bait for a ''Grey Mother'' Kresh. With bait ready, a portal to the plane of darkness must be opened from which a ''Grey Mother'' shall come, attracted by her favourite food. The task here is easier than most would think for the required portal is much smaller than a typical one needing be no bigger than the breadth of a hand. Places where the walls between worlds are thin, tears in the fabric of reality, other such anomalies and places where summoning rituals are often practiced usually further eases the task.


A Grey Mother is the foundation of Kresh Hive. The queen bee. When first obtained, it is an inconspicuous grey spider no bigger than one's palm. If fed correctly though, within a week it will grow to the size of a farmer's cattle. When it has, the Grey mother will seek a place, usually a clearing within a wood, where she will dig herself deep into the ground and build a nest where she will lay her eggs and give birth to a Kresh colony.

This is a quick and easy way for a necromancer to build himself an army as the Kresh colony is a hive mind under the will of the Grey Mother who can be easily be dominated by a necromancer with enough experience and the Kresh's number increase rapidly. As with all creatures of darkness, the Grey Mother may be empowered by an artifact of the Darkness realm such as Darkness Orbs and lesser variants.

The Grey Mother possesses the same weaknesses as her children. The Kresh are great in numbers, but they remain weak creatures. The Grey Mother is as weak as the army she spawns, even if she may grow to a great size, and similarly abhors the light and is weak to fire. Also, once she outgrows the size of her tunnels, she is effectively trapped within, relying on her children to bring her food. Of course, she is protected by the Kresh horde, unless this one is absent, and if she is slain, The Kresh will act as a body will without a head: as likely to go on a rampage than tear each other apart.

Light preserve me, Matthias Hope.


Seems I've hit gold as far as lore is concerned. I'll see to it later though, I doubt the necromancers will be happy about me ''borrowing'' their scrolls. Hehe...


Part 3 brings Chapter 1 to a close. I do not think I shall start Chapter 2 until after I have dealt with Helixi's critique. Cannot say how long it will be either. Comment away.


< Message edited by Elryn -- 2/6/2012 16:39:28 >
AQ  Post #: 53
2/6/2012 17:04:59   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


*The shadows stir.*

quote:

A grey comparable to the sickly grey colour of a man's face when his deathly ill.


he is/he's

quote:

lied what seemed like a ninth black eyes.


quote:

The more he looked, the more he was convince that it was not an eye but rather that something was encrusted inside the Grey Mother's body.


convinced

quote:

In the palm of his leather glove, there lied a small pitch black sphere.


I suggest you to take a look at this sentence.

quote:

Than he saw it, a straight uphill run towards a halo of light.


Then

quote:

the whole town was gathered to greet him.


had?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 54
2/6/2012 17:59:50   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


*Elryn looks at the shadow and waves his hand*

You saw nothing...

Humor aside *chuckles*. What is wrong with that sentence? Or is it rather that it should be phrased: ''There in the palm of his leather glove lied a small pitch black sphere.''


< Message edited by Elryn -- 2/6/2012 18:01:50 >
AQ  Post #: 55
2/6/2012 18:04:48   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


*The shadows shine brightly.*

Yes, I think that sounds better.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 56
2/13/2012 22:16:02   
Kinzdor
Member

Nice story you`r character is very well developed.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 57
2/18/2012 18:06:30   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


*Elryn grins*

Thank you kindly, Kinz.

Also, I think I will be seeing to the stories I promised to read before continuing to write mine as well.

To clarify, the next chapter will consist of the time immediately after Elryn's leave of his home up to a short time before the first chapter. I have added the post for it. Chapter titles are in as well. I have also taken up the fancy of having a little word at the beginning of every chapter. They might be random, they might mean something but currently, it is a little crotchet of mine.



AQ  Post #: 58
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