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RE: (DF) Stephen Nix Works!

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12/4/2012 20:34:18   
  Stephen Nix
Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


 yes I am have no fear, I have just been super busy....expect a Frostvale tale though!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 51
12/31/2012 6:29:20   
Voodoo Master
Member

quote:

Mritha: Oh yea, that;'s right a warrior and two necros...this should be interesting...


There's no need for a semicolon there.

Anyway, the story's jut great so far! I can't wait for the second part :)

I especially like this part:

quote:

Voodoo: My legs are killing me!
Craze: Oh come on Voodoo, we only just started.
Voodoo: Maybe instead of giving life to dolls, I should consider lifting weights and going on runs.
Christian (Starsaber): This is actually a breeze for me.
The Odor: *slowly takes up the rear of the walking troops* I'm gonna die soon....
Mortous (Caststarter): Seriously we took like 100 steps, how are you exhausted already?
The Odor: *starts to crawl* This...is not worth it.


I laughed so hard while reading this

I also liked the ending scene with Nix and the heroes. It was written very well.

On a more general note: Your style of writing is really unique, and I like it. Who said original stories can't look like pedia entries?

Oh, and the music you chose for the last scene was really fitting.

And of course:

quote:

Stephen Nix: And umm...yea I'm not gonna lie I have no idea what you are? He likes to play with dolls!?!?! HAHAHHHHAHAHHA!


(Role-play mode)

Just wait, you little evil penguin... when I'm done beating your Mogkees... you'll regret saying this, I promise you. My dolls are more dangerous than they seem *evil grin*

< Message edited by Voodoo Master -- 1/2/2013 13:01:21 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 52
1/4/2013 17:44:27   
  Stephen Nix
Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


 Edited and corrected ty Voodoo!

Parts 2 and 3 are up now! Bon Appetite!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 53
1/13/2013 17:20:51   
TitanDragonLord
Member

'The Phoenix Will Rise'. I have no words. It's brilliant!
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 54
1/13/2013 17:27:39   
  Stephen Nix
Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


 Well as Titan pointed out part 3 of the Phoenix Backstory is out......READ ON HEROES OF L.O.R.E.

Well it is your clan's backstory! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

< Message edited by Stephen Nix -- 1/13/2013 17:29:15 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 55
1/13/2013 17:28:31   
Sainsbo
Orange Squire


 I completely agree with Titan. Great story! It looks like a lot of effort was put into writing it, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 56
1/13/2013 17:51:18   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Oddball was another member to join APR as he was a big time defender in Falconreach, whom helped the town out of many zombie related attacks that originated from Amityvale.

with

quote:

There has been strange occurrences going on here, and the people are worried of a rising DeathKnight army.

have, about/of the possibility of

quote:

Lugia: We had to bargain with the Spirit of a DeathKnight Warlord.

Why is spirit written with a capital letter?

quote:

Riate: I've heard only rumors about his death, nothing that can make someone more depressed than ever.

that

quote:

The team pushed out and eventually made their way to Amityvale, now they just had to find the small town that was involved with the Ice Necromancer.

moved

quote:

He has a fancy green belt that has the words hulk on it, and a magical tome that Doctor Strange had.

had

quote:

He literally was the resemblance of multiple heroes.

I think you mean to say something else. Like he doesn't resemble multiple heroes, but he resembles a patchwork of several heroes combined.

quote:

The team makes it to the same village with ice creatures running scattered as a penguin-like creature walks towards them. With its top hat, it also wields a black skull cane and appears to be exactly half undead and half of a penguin.

(You wrote your previous section in past tense, so I'll be doing the same for this section. Please remain consistent.)

made, walked, wielded, appeared

quote:

Sainsbo: I think it's some sort of an undead penguin of sorts.

Remove either one or the other.

quote:

A Phoenix Risen, I presume.

?

quote:

Now, I bet your wondering why I'm here, and what I'm up to.

you're/you are

quote:

Nix runs off deeper into the village as a group of ice creatures rush out and ambush the heroes...

ran

I'll be continuing my review later.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 57
1/13/2013 18:28:45   
  Stephen Nix
Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


 Ok I got the corrections thus far. Wow I'm not doing too good with this. I really shouldn't have made this so early in the morning.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 58
1/14/2013 15:59:33   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

An Undead Berserker rushed up to Vera but just before she is cut in half, Aurauris fired a light runed arrow bolt at the undead which hit the back of its skull and exploded.

was

quote:

As Stel dropped to his knees, the Necromancer got closer until Riate blasted a powerful lightning spell at the undead creature.

So the necromancer was a lich?

quote:

It faced Riate and they engaged in a magic duel, with bolts flying everywhere the two take a few moments to recharge, but Riate sent a quick energy blast at the Necromancer, shattering it to pieces.

took

quote:

Sainsbo: I suppose anything's possible now a days.

nowadays

quote:

So he climbed up to the top of the cave entrance and tried to push it out and struggles to the point that he fell off the roof and into a bush.

struggled up

quote:

He is about to massively summon a bunch of DeathKnights but as you have already gathered, he will ultimately not get the correct minions at his side.

He is about to summon a massive amount of DeathKnights

quote:

Aurauris's arms began to glow dark blue with her runes as arrows forming in her hands to toss at her enemies...

formed/were forming

quote:

The team barged inside the castle and find themselves quickly outnumbered with penguins surrounding them.

quickly found themselves

quote:

Vera and Sains tripped the waddling penguin to cause him to fall on his face.

and caused

quote:

Shadows: Your surrounded Nix. It's game over!

You're/You are

quote:

The minotaur tried to ram into Sains, but he dodged the minotaur as it crashes into lab equipment.

crashed

quote:

Sains made a break towards the door and he quickly thought up a plan to get the horns of the minotaur stuck on the door so he can take it out.

he couldn't get them out/he wouldn't be able to get them out

quote:

The minotaur took out his axe and stared to swing it at Sainsbo but he dodged each swing and eventually Sains got him in the perfect place just enough for the minotaur to hit the door.

I'm not sure what you are trying to say here. began?

quote:

The minotaur charged at Sains with his axe but he smashed it on the door and got it stuck for a few moments and Sainsbo, used the time to take out his Legendary Shining Hammer of the Phoenix and smashed the bust of the minotaur and shattered him to pieces.

. Sainsbo, which

quote:

However, they were to strong for her and she was tossed backwards as one of the sneevils threw a piece of lab equipment at her.

too

quote:

Vera tried to use her magic to send blasts at Nix, but he dodged the hits and sent an ice ball at her stomach causing her to fall towards the ground.

to

quote:

I simply directed them to that village fo Titan's.

Titan lived

quote:

The next few days the team met more people. Gained more members and started to really bloom as one of the best alliances on L.O.R.E.

, gained

That concludes that.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 59
1/15/2013 13:32:42   
  Stephen Nix
Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


 Done, thanks again DD!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 60
3/2/2013 10:31:05   
Tep Itaki
Friendly!


 Copied from this massive wall of text:

The Ultimate Showdown
  • Grammar: "The battlefields were glowing from the clouds above the fighters, with each slash comes a kill for one side, and then the next." Could you revise this sentence as it is a little confusing to read.
  • On your second paragraph, you could split it into a few new paragraphs. An example would be after "making sure not to miss one area."
    "As one page was ripped<> the other was right behind it as it should." An apostrophe could be placed here as it seems to be a small pause.
    I find how Nix is on a rampage just looking for Artix and ending those on the paladins' side mercilessly if they didn't tell him what he wanted to hear.
    Overall: I liked how you have different naming colors for each actors in your story. Also, I find how your writing it in a sort of script form to be something interesting. I hope to find more!
    • AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 61
    5/19/2013 23:45:05   
      Stephen Nix
    Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


    		 Wow...this has been a long time sense I seen a comment on here, thank you Tep for enjoying the story and I have made the corrections as stated.

    Also I would like to announce that the Celestial Guardians Backstory has begun! Here's a link, not tell me what you think!

    Below: Totally using that line.

    < Message edited by Stephen Nix -- 5/20/2013 0:17:17 >
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 62
    5/20/2013 0:15:55   
    Jorath
    Advocator of Wills


    		 This is one of the most well-written backstories you have currently made, not to mention the music is better (or perhaps, much more appropriate for this story) compared to your previous stories.

    This one line does not sound right:

    quote:

    Sepulchure: You are always like this. Remember, I helped you be accepted into this world. I can easily take you out!


    You could change that to 'I brought you into this world from the darkness'.

    < Message edited by Leon ShadowHart -- 5/20/2013 16:49:07 >
    AQ DF MQ  Post #: 63
    5/21/2013 1:44:33   
    Joerte
    Friendly! Creative!


    		 Nice, I like the structure you are using. It helps add suspense to the story.
    DF MQ Epic  Post #: 64
    5/23/2013 11:08:34   
    Xion V
    Member

    		Just read a little bit of "(DF) The Guardians Have Arrived!" before I head off to school, and honestly, it feels like I'm in a quest!
    The way you set-up the dialogue is unique, as in I haven't seen it done before! Perhaps someone has done it before, but still, I like it.
    I'll finish reading it when I get home in a few hours!
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 65
    5/23/2013 11:35:39   
    Jorath
    Advocator of Wills


    		 Xion V: The dialogue is actually set up similarly to that of a quest entry, if you look at both sides.

    quote:

    ???: Telling us what to do, your not very wise.


    you're
    AQ DF MQ  Post #: 66
    5/23/2013 19:04:53   
    Xion V
    Member

    		@Leon, That's what I mean, it's just that I had never seen it set-up in a story before.
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 67
    6/20/2013 22:28:23   
      Stephen Nix
    Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


    		 @Leon, ty good sir, your corrections have been added!

    @Xion V Wow. Such a compliment, Thank you! I try to add that quest like feeling, but yes they are just like the pedia entries you see in Dragonfable or any other quest write up.

    I would like to announce that Part Two of this current backstory is now live! Read it up, and I hope you enjoy!

    Featuring Joerte, and Rob123.
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 68
    6/21/2013 16:02:11   
    Hopeful Guy

    Hope Upbringer! (DragonFable)


    		 I wasn't looking at grammar, but Mort is in Darkness. You have him in Light.
    DF  Post #: 69
    6/21/2013 16:05:47   
      Stephen Nix
    Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


    		 HHAHA! You need to talk to Mort then.

    At first he wasn't in Darkness, he was in light, had a change of heart and moved to darkness, like I have it.
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 70
    6/21/2013 16:09:09   
    Hopeful Guy

    Hope Upbringer! (DragonFable)


    		 Oh, OK. If so, IIRC Joerte and Cain also were in Light at first. Let me check.
    DF  Post #: 71
    6/21/2013 19:59:41   
    flashbang
    Member

    		I love your writing, Nix. It's so amazing!
    AQ DF AQW  Post #: 72
    7/19/2013 0:53:49   
      Stephen Nix
    Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


    		 Added the war story I had with Raharu and featuring clan ppl to the first page. I had so much fun this past war, I hope you can all enjoy the story in it's fullest as it is now complete!

    The Guardians Have Arrived! (Celestial Guardians Backstory!) The story is now complete!!!!!!! Enjoy readers!

    < Message edited by Stephen Nix -- 7/30/2013 1:24:18 >
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 73
    5/25/2015 15:27:30   
      Stephen Nix
    Penguin Lore Keeper (DF)


    		 I'm not sure if I am allowed to double post here...but it has been almost 2 years now.

    New things have happened recently and I am very excited to start writing again!

    I did just do a story here... Mystery Attacker which pretty much sums up what has happened with Nix all of his life and within the last year.

    Hope to see your comments on here, I live for feedback. Hope you continue reading my stories. Next one will be about The Nightmare Realm.
    AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 74
    5/25/2015 16:26:55   
    Azan
    Member

    		Great job with the story so far! I like it very much. I look forward to seeing more of it!
    Post #: 75
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