RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (Full Version)

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Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/12/2011 4:39:39)

@lordkaho: D.U.M. H.Q. is a secret system of tunnels which connect to a cavernsystem inhabited by Dravir who were loyal to Gorgok back when he was still alive and now home to dravir who are fighting amongst themselves now they are lacking a strong leader.

Noir seems to act as Jeanne's big sister, perhaps she tires of (un)living if she chooses to get close with that girl.


Could you tell me what Jeanne's general view on dragons and woodland monsters (Sneevils, Boveoxes, Unicougars) is?



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/12/2011 5:13:54)

quote:

Noir seems to act as Jeanne's big sister, perhaps she tires of (un)living if she chooses to get close with that girl.


You could say it something like that. Even though, Jeanne flat out refuses to return her feelings, Noir enjoys her "strong willed" and feisty nature.

About dragons and wood land creatures, well she is pretty neutral about them. For her, they are a simply part of nature. What really pulls her strings are people who sacrifice their humanity (or whatever race they are) by dabbling into corruptive magic. Well to be honest, she hates these types of people more compared to mere spies and traitors, as shown in the her interaction with Janeas as compared to Sepulchure and Varhaedil.



Mortarion -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/12/2011 5:23:09)

quote:

I... uh...

Is this not "DF meets WH40K: The fanfic"?
quote:



I looled at that



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/16/2011 4:02:28)

2 Chapters to go, minus the interlude. I found the "To add to their growing severed head collection" quite funny xP

quote:

I... uh...

Is this not "DF meets WH40K: The fanfic"?

xD
Anyways, very nice so far, really enjoying what I've read, so much in fact I want to start my own story, I'm just not sure how to do it...



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/16/2011 5:52:13)

^

Make that 3. Chapter 6 is up!



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/16/2011 6:17:13)

quote:

as betraying Our King's trust


Was the capital letter intentional?

quote:

And with a slam of his wooden gavel, judgment had been delivered and no further questions can pry off his decision for it was final.


could

quote:

The knights, though highly respecting of her and one of her most loyal companions, had no choice but to drag her out of the court room by force, while its heavy iron doors steadily closed shut behind them.


If it's knights, I think it should be "among(st)".

quote:

angrily replied the gnome as he returned the vial rightfully back in place


the gnome angrily replied

quote:

I thought the Inquisition doesn't allow other races to join the order.


didn't

quote:

Well, because unlike other gnomes I can make various types of bombs and concussions and other stuff that go 'KA-BOOM!


I could not help but chuckle at this.

Well, I'd say we can expect some bonding-attempts from Noir soon. It'd be interesting to see. Noticed the reference by the way.



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/16/2011 6:30:13)

Thanks. Fixed them good.

About the 'Our' thing, yes. They do revere Alteon as a god, with the Grand Inquisitor to a minor extent. You do capitalize it right? Correct me if i'm wrong.

Glad, you liked it. Though for Noir, 'defrosting an Ice Queen'...better yet 'Calming a raging flame' such as Jeanne wouldn't be easy.

As for the reference, you mean the Orcs right? Well to be honest, the first time I was educated with AE orcs was through your story so the Doc was the first thing that came into mind with regards to bombs.




Arthur -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/16/2011 10:52:55)

@lordkaho, i did some reading and i found just one typo in the prologue, grieves is rightly spelled as greaves, the prologue is extremely well written, however, the part where the knight kills himself is somewhat poorly described, for people who are not good readers, you may need to write something that clearly states that the knight killed himself.
I would really like to read it further.[:)]



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/17/2011 0:16:02)

^

Reworded the sentence. Thanks by the way.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/17/2011 1:29:05)

Alright, so I'm finally caught up. I dislike that you killed off her team, but at least Sir Vice lived AND it did further the plot.
Also, you tend to use the phrase "Azure eyes" all the time, which isn't bad but it gets repetitive.

Enough with the bad, this has become very interesting, mostly because we have some actual characters now, like the Gnome man and such.

Also, a question for future use, what does Jeanne and the Inquisition think of half Dragons/Vartai? I know they have no bias to Dragons, but they seem relatively racist so itseemed worth asking.
I would ask about WereWolves but I'm pretty sure they're up there wit Vampires on "list of things to kill."

Also, what's an Ulgathi?



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/17/2011 2:52:06)

quote:

I dislike that you killed off her team


It shows on how she gives little value to her men. It is something that will haunt her in the future and is one point that will help mold her character.

quote:

"Azure eyes"


My bad here. I'll fix that later.

About racist views, I have mentioned earlier that races such as dragons and their other draconic cousins suffer no discrimination from the Order as long as they don't dabble with the darker side of magic. However, even though it is supposedly a neutral element, Darkness is still considered an "evil" element mostly due to common perception.

Then there's Jeanne. 3-4 pages earlier, I had a short "discussion" with Mortarion on how Jeanne would react to seeing his character and I said that "it won't be pretty." Jeanne cares less about races but rather on how creatures look. Safe to say, wild beasts such as Gorillaphants and Boveouxes would not affect her but if you look like something belched from the very twisted core of netherworld, good intentions or not, she will try to kill you at first sight. Having the faint scent of the afterlife and death would also get you nowhere. Jeanne would probably respect Vartai as they are blessed with their 'holy' dragon* blood (King Alteon's symbol is a golden dragon right?), but as for Werewolves; she would find them just as worse as vampires.

In short, she's even worse than the Order itself.

quote:

Also, what's an Ulgathi?


Ulgathi is another term for Orc.

*The Inquisition possesses a jet black dragon hidden far below the Catacombs. They have a huge reason to respect the majestic beasts.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/17/2011 3:00:47)

quote:

It shows on how she gives little value to her men. It is something that will haunt her in the future and is one point that will help mold her character.

Don't get me wrong, I understand this, it's a good writing move, I just meant I personally didn't like it because I liked the team aspect it gave, also at the beginning it seemed like she did care for her men so...?

Ah so Vartai good, Wolves bad. That's an interesting note, I'd figured at first vartai'd be up there on the bad list. Which is good since my characters are generally Vartai xP
Sucks to be a wolf though.

Alteon's symbol varies, but it's a Dragon in DF and AQW regardless of color and logo.



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/17/2011 3:09:51)

quote:

also at the beginning it seemed like she did care for her men so...?


spoiler:

Guess again. The prologue is set in the future.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/17/2011 3:19:00)

I figured, actually, I'm not even sure why I bothered with that >_>



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/20/2011 1:25:38)

Chapter 7 Intro is up.



Glais -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/20/2011 1:27:15)

Weird, I wonder who this sun woman is...



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/20/2011 2:22:16)

Oh, she'll be fun.



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/20/2011 14:44:36)

@lordkaho: The new chapter reminds me of the legends of Luminovia.

Also, from what I understand Jeanne would likely become obsessed with Azer.



.Discipline -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/24/2011 11:37:56)

Hmmmm... I'm liking these new chapters. Just about to go through and come up with some corrections and suggestions, but this is going along well and I see several different opportunities to tie this in with my own work. Well done, Kaho, your writing is almost as interesting as your art.

quote:

Since I've got nowehere to go

Nowhere, prolly a typo.

quote:

You, on the other hand however, is a big NO-NO

'You, however (or just 'on the other hand'), ARE a big no-no.' You mixed tenses here and did a double connective. That, ironically, is a big grammatical no-no. (also, you don't need to put no-no in capitals unless Lorch is stressing/shouting it)

quote:

Be careful with this!

Be careful with that. (The object of the sentence has already been determined, so it takes 'that' instead of 'this', 'this' is only used when the object is being determined either within the sentence or by character actions. One of the stranger rules of English.)

quote:


with such nicknames they gave you I'd rather not ask what it is

Wording feels clunky, I'd go with 'With such nicknames I'd rather not ask what those skills (or 'they') are.'

quote:

"No. You may call her as 'Queen of the Vampires'...Safiria."

"No. You might know her as The Queen of the Vampires... Safiria."
The way you had worded it was ungrammatical, I can't come up with the exact rule off the top of my head.

That's about all I can pick out for now.

Keep up the great work!



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/25/2011 1:49:04)

Thanks, .Discipline, never knew there a quite a handful of errors there

quote:

Be careful with this!


Lorch was already carrying the vial in his hand though, that's why I used "this" instead of "that". I think I failed to make it more evident so I added something to make it more clear.

Anyway, Chapter 7 (the other half) is up!



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/25/2011 7:38:52)

quote:

And if she doesn't find them soon, all that she's been fighting for will be all for naught.


didn't, she'd, would all have been for naught.

I'm sure you'd like another prophetic dream that's been stuck in my head for some time, just by reading your story again.



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/25/2011 8:44:37)

Care to elaborate, DD?



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/25/2011 8:52:48)

@lordkaho: A scenario Jeanne would approve, looking at what the Inquisitors' H.Q. look like.



lordkaho -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/25/2011 9:22:24)

Dont tell me,
spoiler:

The Inquisition crumbles and disbands, then Gorgok sets the abandoned catacombs as the D.U.M. fortress for his Dravir army?



Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Hounds of God- Discussion (10/25/2011 9:51:13)

@lordkaho:
spoiler:

While that is a nice theory and the D.U.M. would most likely take interest in the abandoned catacombs (as they most likely already have), they are not exactly friends of Gorgok.



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