golden1231 -> Single Turkey Scam (12/7/2014 19:29:05)
Single Turkey Scam
Location: Turkageddon Event 2014 --> To the Diner!
Objective: Congratulations! You uncovered the scam and saved Turkageddon!
Release Date: December 5th, 2014
<You>: Maegwyn, I heard you wanted to see me about something?
Maegwyn: Oh, <You>! I'm so glad you're here!
Maegwyn: Can you help me? I'm elbow-deep in cranchberry sauce...
Maegwyn: ...and I don't have anyone to pick up the bird for the G.E.A.R.S. Turkageddon Feast!
<You>: Sure! I was just on my way to VilMart anyway.
<You>: Didn't realize it was so late! Good thing VilMart is open for extended hours.
???: So you're telling me it's completely kaput?
Mr. Z: Let's just say they definitely do not be chillin'...
???: Okay then. I'll keep the sales hopping.
Mr. Z: Just be careful not to bruise it. We've only got the one, you know...
???: Don't worry. I've got this. And they don't. Haha!
Mr. Z: Mehehehe...
???: psst ... Wanna buy a bird?
<You>: I live in the dorms. We're not allowed to have pets.
???: Do I look like someone who sells cute little birdies?
???: No, I mean a bird for the Turkageddon Feast.
???: They're free-range, organic, all-natural, DNA-free grain fed, artisanally-curated...
???: ..heirloom, sustainable, locally-sourced... and literally one-of-a-kind.
<You>: OH! Thanks, but I have my name on the list at VilMart for one already.
???: Suit yourself, but this bird is guaranteed to be a real hit...
???: Plus, after those gross mutant turkeys a couple years back, you would really buy your bird from VilMart?
Mr. Z: Hey! Don't be trashing VilMart!
<You>: Huh? I wasn't trashing VilMart! Talk to yourself much?
???: ahem... shhh!... ...Anywho...
<You>: Anyway. VilMart. Where else would I get a bird? From some guy in a back alley? Sounds legit...
<You>: Oh boy... holiday shopping. Gotta love it.
<You>: Maybe I should have shopped locally, haha!
<You>: Oh, only a hundred and twelve THOUSAND people in front of me. Shouldn't take long...
Crazed Shopper: Hey! Quit shoving!
<You>: ...What? I wasn't even near you!
Crazed Shopper: Why, I oughta... just get outta my way!
(After defeating a Crazed Shopper)
Crazed Shopper: Don't even think about cutting in front of me!
(After defeating a Crazed Shopper)
Crazed Shopper: I am so hacked off I could just slash something!
(After defeating a Mad Shopper)
<You>: .. I get this feeling of deja vu all over again...
<You>: Nothing passes the time like a little eavesdropping...
(The shoppers make various comments)
Announcer: Attention, VilMart shoppers. Turkey is now sold out. Repeat, we are out of birds.
Announcer: We have a greenlight special on chickencow drumsteaks in aisle 92.
Crazed Shopper: These birds are all spoiled! I demand an eggsplanation! I'm gonna crack!
<You>: Maybe that shady guy is still there. I don't want to let Maegwyn down...
<You>: ..and I would hate for Dean Warlic and the professors to have no Turkageddon feast.
<You>: All right. Here goes nothing.
Mr. Z: We are still short 98 thousand. You have to sell it one more time.
???: Heating and cooling costs have sure gone up lately.
Mr. Z: HVAC is our next venture. Make a note of it.
???: Well, the good thing is, none of them have reported it to Chief Duncan.
Mr. Z: I'm sure they're too embarrassed to admit they were trying to buy on the black market.
Mr. Z: Mehehehehe...
???: Ahahahahahaha! And on that note, I hear our next victim - ahem - customer approaching..
<You>: Hm. Wonder what all that's about...
???: Oh good, you're still here. VilMart was a total nightmare...
???: All I have left is a 98-pounder. At 100 credits a pound that'll be... 98 thousand credits.
<You>: Um. I think your math is a little off. Are you using the Complicated Corps method?
???: Oh, my math is not off. You forgot about the tax. That's with tax.
???: You thought an artisanally-curated free-range yadda yadda yadda bird would come... cheep?
<You>: I'm stuck between a roc and a hard place. Okay, I'll take it. Looks like I'll need my mecha to carry it!
(After defeating EC04:)
Mr. Z: I see you defeated my henchman...
Mr. Z: It doesn't matter now, <You>. He stole it back and resold it enough times already.
<You>: This whole thing stinks to high heaven. Literally.
<You>: You ruined Turkageddon for the whole town!
Mr. Z: Unintentionally. Just like every other year. You have to admit my scheme was ingenious, though!
<You>: Pretty sick scheme. But what are you going to do about all those spoiled birds?
<You>: Never mind. I've got to get this good bird to Maegwyn! And that foul stench is getting stronger.
(After defeating Old Turkey)
<You>: Maegwyn, I have a bird for you! The only good bird in town. It's a free-range, organic, sustainable...
<You>: ...artisanally-curated, heirloom, DNA-free, small-batch, high fiber, locally sourced, grass fed, gluten-free, healthful, life-giving...
Maegwyn: Oh, excellent, <You>! You saved Turkageddon!
<You>: farm raised... ..um, actually?
Maegwyn: Do you happen to know the name of the farm where your bird came from?
<You>: ..We-ell-ll-ll... Cute story...
<You>: Long story short - no, I don't actually. But I can fi-
Marza Pan: Excuse me, Maegwyn? Your holovid is ringing.
Maegwyn: Can you grab it for me? I'm still elbow-deep in cranchberry sauce...
Marza Pan: Some guy from.. sounds like Bob Farms... says he heard <You> brought you his prize bird?
<You>: Please tell me this wasn't all for nothing...
Marza Pan: Oh, no no no! He's saying he's grateful that the bird will achieve the destiny he raised it for.
Marza Pan: And he heard how EbilCorp ripped off all those students! So he's donating a truckload of birds!
<You>: Fantastic! Let the feasting commence! How many does this diner seat?
Maegwyn: We'll make room! I'll probably need some extra help in the kitchen. ...<You>?
<You>: Sure! I just need to wash my hands first. I wish I could wash my hands of Mr.Z!
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