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RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood

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1/23/2013 15:44:27   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Glais: In a way. Though that map is meant to serve as a .... reference material. A precaution against getting myself into writing a scene that wouldn't fit the geographical and political setting of Lore (at least the one I am writing).

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 1/23/2013 15:53:10 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 201
1/23/2013 15:45:46   
Glais
Member

Ah.

Yeah I find having such a map quite useful, I try and keep the geography in mind when writing my story as well.
spoiler:


The female dragonlord with short red hair, wearing a white night robe with a silver trim, looked with a sadistic smile how a few recruits threw the dwarf over the ledge of Dragonsgrasp's high walls. She recalled how she had flirted with a wood elf once and asked him to meet her on the wall at midnight. Her smile grew broader. She had reeled him in like a fish and then when he had closed his eyes waiting for the kiss she had pushed him to his death. Her smile slid off of her face. If the descendants of the dragonlords did not deserve the dragons, then nobody did.

WHAT THE.

Consider me surprised.

Did not see any of that coming at all.

This "The First" concept is quite interesting.

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 1/24/2013 13:41:02 >
DF MQ  Post #: 202
1/24/2013 9:10:42   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Glais: Of course not all of them are like that, but some of them grew bitter in being denied and felt they were the rightful heirs of the Dragonlords' legacy. In essence they suffer from the Drakath-syndrome and some of them are so corrupted by it that they will do anything to reclaim it, even if it would mean they have to do things which the Order would not approve.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 203
1/24/2013 11:57:29   
Glais
Member

Well it was surprising regardless.
spoiler:

Even though he was only there for a few paragraphs you made the Dwarf seem so harmless that him dying was...quite shocking.


I should probably spoiler this.
You really should. ~DD

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 1/24/2013 13:43:06 >
DF MQ  Post #: 204
1/24/2013 14:13:15   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Glais: Then I succeeded in my intent. You cannot say I did not warn it'd be dark though.

spoiler:

I think they would've thought the dwarf presented a very real threat, seeing he passed the final test.

Expect mean and hateful comments aimed at our poor dwarf in the future.


< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 1/24/2013 17:07:45 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 205
1/25/2013 15:12:49   
Glais
Member

Well, despite that he never came off as super competent but who knows.
Potential can be a threat it would seem.
DF MQ  Post #: 206
1/25/2013 16:30:35   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Glais: Except that the final test is about competence in all but the most important trait of a dragonlord.

Something which almost an entire city apparently lacks.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 207
2/1/2013 7:37:16   
Razen
Member

So the clock ticks down onto the racism of Dragonlords now? ...yes, I know, I'm rather late to the "party" by this point.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 208
2/1/2013 14:05:04   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Razen: Dragonlords only in title, but it is true that it took centuries before non-humans were allowed a shot other than a few personal favourites who may have been an exception to that rule. (Such as Donovan.) Sadly, that never solved the problem and only added to it.

Also, seeing you likely noticed the mention of Dwarfhold. Due to the rules of L&L, I have imbued dwarven culture with coffee houses as I find it unreal to write about moglinberryjuice in the culture of dwarves.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 209
2/12/2013 18:29:57   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 CHAPTER XXIII: "A Guest to Royalty"

After a long time, the time for this chapter has finally come.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 210
2/12/2013 21:43:56   
Glais
Member

quote:

"An orb of light, by courtesy of the cyclopses.

I like little references like this.

Anyhow, with the addition of the Elves...man so many plot points. This is all going to tie together swimmingly, and that should be fun to see.

Sek-Duat segments were written quite well, the Paladin mocking the vagueness heh.
DF MQ  Post #: 211
2/13/2013 7:23:58   
Razen
Member

quote:

In truth they had little to worry about since especially for the ambassador's visit the King's Champion attended court today.


There should be a comma after since and visit. The sentence is otherwise...incredibly awkward.

quote:

, "Though I will not spare you’re your life for your insolence, think not that I will give this information for free."


You're your? Pretty sure that the you're needs removed.

Well, it was good.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 212
2/13/2013 9:39:37   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @glaisaurus_x: I'm glad you enjoyed it. This chapter is just loaded with plot-material.

@Razen: Thank you, the fixes have been made. I also changed spare into end.

I have at least one more appearance planned for Sek-Duat and I am playing with another idea.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 213
2/13/2013 18:56:43   
Glais
Member

Well I've pretty much enjoyed every chapter so yeah.

More Sek-Duat is always good.
Seems to be a trend lately.
DF MQ  Post #: 214
2/14/2013 5:44:17   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @glaisaurus_x: It may surprise you what inspired me.

Some spoilers on future chapters.

spoiler:

"We will want to discuss my future, so I will not have any interruptions from the palace staff."


spoiler:

"Then you must know that your name is based on a lie."
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 215
2/18/2013 18:00:37   
Glais
Member

Yeah...I got nothing as far as those go ~_^
spoiler:

Palace...that hints towards Sek though I would think.
DF MQ  Post #: 216
2/27/2013 22:25:05   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

Alteon the Kingslayer


I thought his title was Alteon the Balanced? But I guess that is from Vandar's point of view.

Honestly, the growing tension between Alteon and the Republic of Vandar is very similar to the political issues happening in my own story. Sufficiently advanced Democratic nation from the far east wants to wage war on a supposed tyrannical kingdom on the west. Only difference here is that Vandar actually exists and mine doesn't.

It also seems Duat is making allies. And yeah, I agree with Glais. Quite the trending here.

The short poem about the First Dragonlords was also very nice.

DF MQ  Post #: 217
2/28/2013 6:54:13   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @lordkaho: The truth lies in the eye of the beholder.

Imagine my initial surprise, suffice to say that there are more differences. You'll find out what those are over the course of the next week (in the story).

As for Sek-Duat, he is actually making enemies. He has no need for allies, just for people who ensure his continued survival. His actions had and will have consequences, it is only on which side you are on whether you regard those as good or bad.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 218
2/28/2013 7:29:53   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

He has no need for allies, just for people who ensure his continued survival.


Seems to really fit him.

quote:


You'll find out what those are over the course of the next week (in the story).


It seems 'perspectives' would be a major theme in this arc, as with all gray and gray morality plots, you can never really say who's good or bad until you hear everyone's side.

DF MQ  Post #: 219
3/11/2013 7:47:04   
Glais
Member

Especially as adding onto what LK said, none of the sides are particularly wrong in this from what I can tell.
Their viewpoints just happen to oppose each other.

_____________________________
DF MQ  Post #: 220
3/30/2013 11:08:22   
Mordred
Member

So, beginning to read Legacy of Blood; just finished the first chapter. Some initial thoughts: I would remove the "10 years later" part at the beginning of the first chapter, because it's followed by "A decade had passed". It's redundant and unnecessary. Also, I'm finding the formatting of paragraphs... Odd. It seems like you begin a new line(but not paragraph) in the middle of a paragraph, which makes for some, hmmm... straining reading? I dunno, doesn't sit well with my eyes. Then, when the lich begins talking, that should be an entirely new paragraph. Of course, if you have a deliberate reason for altering the standard format, by all means, do so. I'm just finding it... different. Not bad, just different.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 221
3/30/2013 13:22:44   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 CHAPTER XXIV: "What is Left in Darkness"

@Mordred: I have reformatted the chapter, but you may find that my writing changed over the course of time.

The Dragonlords slowly grow corrupt and they shall fall along with the broken promise of hope. ~Swordhavian Doomsayer
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 222
4/3/2013 2:35:51   
Glais
Member

quote:

For a short moment the darkness lingered, then it was as if the light remembered reality itself how it looked.

Should be "reminded" rather than "remembered" or instead just add "how" between remembered and reality.

Venerata seems like she'll be an interesting character.
spoiler:

And this DragonLord Order conspiracy has a lot of potential
DF MQ  Post #: 223
4/3/2013 8:22:04   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Glais: Fixed, thank you.

spoiler:

Two blue eyes that see all and a mouth which will never tell a soul what they saw.

Never a tranquil soul or heart pure will learn the dark words its tongue would make.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 224
4/3/2013 16:54:10   
Glais
Member

Hmm say didn't
spoiler:

What's her name, that blonde-haired girl from the DragonGrasp Saga...she had blue eyes.

Well, it's not a good connection, I just remembered it since she too was involved in a DragonLord based saga
DF MQ  Post #: 225
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