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(HS) The story of the minor god, Velmur

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5/28/2011 0:40:40   
Velmur
Member

Commentary Kinda short and the story sucks imo, but here's the commentary for it.

Actual story here. http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=19051101

< Message edited by Eukara Vox -- 9/25/2011 2:20:07 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
5/28/2011 0:41:14   
Ancientz
Member

Nice Story Velmur. NOW WE SHALL WORK TOGETHER! MWUAHAHAHA
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 2
5/28/2011 0:43:01   
Velmur
Member

Muhaha ^_^
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 3
5/28/2011 0:53:53   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 < It did not suck! You did a great job. I understand your character even better and why he sometimes fights vilains & heroes. Mini god of peace=awesome!
AQW  Post #: 4
5/28/2011 9:29:49   
Velmur
Member

Really? Thanks, Jae. You've really inspired me now ^_^
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 5
6/9/2011 7:26:45   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


 < Scary looking portal O_o

I think that the Shadow Dimension is quite interestingly dark. Ah! Don't eat those berries! (kidding X3)

Is Thanthoses guy okay? I really hope so D:

< Message edited by Jae10 -- 6/9/2011 8:39:58 >
AQW  Post #: 6
6/9/2011 9:43:01   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 I agree... when people eat fruit tha they have no knowlege of, 3 things could happen... 1, it could delicious; 2, It could be poisonous; 3, It could be magical, and will either give you powers (unlikely) or trap you in wherever the heck you are... usually the underworld/Hell... or an inherently magical place, like a random island in the middle of nowhere...

Aw... such a cute little blood spattered portal of DOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU THE LOLOPOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!?!?!?!?!?
/end mellodrama

No power de la agua? I sense an incorrect portayal backfire...

I think you should put Ancientz text in dark blue... I don't think he has affiliated himself with red too much...

I KNEW THEY COULD DIE!!!!!!!! I feel some sadness... but also elated that I was right... pity... I really probably should be mourning or something...

< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 6/9/2011 9:58:48 >
DF  Post #: 7
6/9/2011 15:34:30   
Velmur
Member

@Jae: Heh, you'll find out this weekend ^_^
@Drakky: Actually, Velmur does have water powers. I'll add that. They aren't that strong (yet) but he does. His fire powers are only weak enough to illuminate an area.
Oh, and I'll change his font color ^_^

Haha, the Portal must be doomafied.
quote:

THE LOLOPOP


I KNOW!! IT MADE ME

< Message edited by Velmur -- 6/19/2011 11:33:18 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 8
6/23/2011 15:00:34   
Clown the Jester
Member

WA HA HA HA! Excelent. Heh heh heh. Love the Peace to the Dragon bit. Heh heh heh.

That is excactly the kind of humor I would find funny. Heh heh heh. Perfect.

I also like how you included Drakkoniss in the battle. The exact kind of fun the Game would have. Heh heh heh. Hm...there are so many interesting possibilities as to why I would go after you Velmur. Heh heh heh.


1. Being a god of peace, you would be a target I would love to try humiliate and make a parody of everything you stand for.

2. Perhaps your kidnapping would be the perfect bait to bring Drakkoniss to my fun Carnival. Adding another round of the game.

3. Also perhaps the point was to show just how mortal to so called immortals are. Killing gods..heh heh heh...thinking they are so invincible...making them my Joke to laugh at.

4. Since you have a dark daddy, and you are a peace good guy, you would be the exact kind of good in evil or evil in good that I love to expose. Heh heh heh. Imagine the God of Peace is the offspring of the Doomknight. WA HA HA! Almost Hypocracy. Perhaps Chaos since you have good and evil in you...heh heh Peace and Unity born in the roaring fire of Chaos and Destruction.


Enthalpy in Entropy...Humerous...WA HA HA HA!


5. Perhaps there was nothing good on TV and I got bored. Heh heh heh. It was fun.

6. Also beating up poor innocent citizens who are helplessly being possesed by me? heh heh...seems kinda out of character for a Peace guy? WA HA HA HA! I love showing people that they become the very monsters they hate, hurting the people they swore to protect.


Briliant Story. Excelent Portal of my character. Everything Clown the Jester did in your story seemed natural and exactly what I would do. Loved it.

AQW Epic  Post #: 9
6/28/2011 22:42:43   
Velmur
Member

@Clown: I'm glad you liked it. I wasn't sure if I was making you funny enough.

Alot of people liked the Peace to the Dragon thing ;)

Interesting thoughts on why you would go after me. Huh, no South Park or Family Guy on to watch, eh?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 10
6/29/2011 3:31:28   
Watziname WAT
Member

Awosome-sauce story
1 problem,I didn't like the ''Peace to the Dragon'' part.I LOVED IT!
AQW Epic  Post #: 11
6/29/2011 12:15:38   
Velmur
Member

Thanks, WAT! ^_^ Glad you LOVED it. The more you guys give me compliments, the more I'm fueled.

By the way, I'll add in more characters.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 12
6/29/2011 12:47:41   
Shadowlord9k
Member

My only complaint is that's it's too short.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 13
6/29/2011 13:35:08   
Velmur
Member

It's not over yet, Shadow.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 14
6/29/2011 16:13:42   
Shadowlord9k
Member

I know that much.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 15
6/30/2011 12:10:25   
Carly9467
Member

Teehee. I'm awesome :D (I iz achillea)
AQW  Post #: 16
6/30/2011 12:12:05   
Velmur
Member

Nice... you like yourself being so obnoxious?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 17
6/30/2011 12:20:43   
Carly9467
Member

Yeah..it makes me funny :D
AQW  Post #: 18
6/30/2011 12:21:30   
Velmur
Member

...You're much more like Clown than I thought.

_____________________________

Velmur likes Peace.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 19
6/30/2011 12:22:08   
Carly9467
Member

....awkward

< Message edited by Carly9467 -- 6/30/2011 13:23:40 >
AQW  Post #: 20
6/30/2011 13:29:21   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Well that was a strange conversation...

My axe as a screwdriver, eh? I am having trouble choosing between that being litteral, using the corners to turn the screws, and blasting straight through the window, with a swing...

He uses shadows to see, you know... he was aware we were in his realm the entire time... Stupid Lore... now I'm gonna have to open ANOTHER portal back to our world... I say this because you made a distinction between them, btw...

It was deja' vu all over again. <- I love that phrase, but It Shouldn't Have Been Capitalised If You Know What I Mean...

You're lucky death is somewhat crazy... (shouted at Death) NO OFFENCE!!!!!!!!!

Ahh... that was a great line in the movie form... somewhat of a meme now...

YIPPEE!!! <- XD I love privalaged out of character moments... hehe... I love that crazy personality... too bad... I supposed you deserved it by trying to murder (stepping on a mouse would do that) her...

You made me seem a wee bit more concerned than I am about it, though... I usually keep a level head on these sort of things... Pin pricks? Interesting... I doubt that gun will do much good, btw... as I said... Shape shifters are easily able to avoid damage from such things...
DF  Post #: 21
6/30/2011 13:35:38   
Velmur
Member

quote:

using the corners to turn the screws


Actually, that is what mean. Hehe... yes, she will be quite hard to kill, but we'll find a way. Eh, I'm referring to where we are now in HS as Lore. (I HOPE SHE ISN'T LOOKING AT THIS NOW)
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 22
6/30/2011 14:58:26   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Wouldn't shapeshifters be weak to being set on fire?
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 23
6/30/2011 20:07:56   
Carly9467
Member

quote:

(I HOPE SHE ISN'T LOOKING AT THIS NOW)


Teehee.


@Shafow

Well, i could turn into something that can absorb fire or something.


@Velmur (The newest chapter)

Hah! I Bit you!! Haha!

IM NOT ACHY >.<!!!!!

< Message edited by Carly9467 -- 7/1/2011 16:18:59 >
AQW  Post #: 24
7/1/2011 18:38:38   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


 Hmm... I know how I could potentially defeat Achillea... Fighting Clown and her at the same time will be frantic... I suppose I probably could do it, but with you there, I'm not sure... I would be able to defeat a copy of myself, though... It would have all my normal powers, but seeing as she is "just" a shape-shifter, and my more complex powers don't come from me, and they wouldn't be able to use them anyway... it would require a complex understanding of the laws of physics, chemestry, and inventiveness... I suppose that it would be rather difficult to kill a shape-shifting vampire, though... In fact, only me or Jae would be able to do it, out of the people that are here... I don't usually invade people's minds, though, and it would take me a bit to figure out the two ways she could die now... 2 methods of implementing the same death, though...
DF  Post #: 25
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