RE: (DF) The Boundless Power of Words Discussion


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3/4/2012 18:41:03

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

The story has been updated to a private discussion between Tekove's parents. On the bright side, you get to see more of Tekove's father instead of the embarrasing scene Tekove had to go through in explaining the story to his parents. As fun as that would have been, the plot has to move on sooner or later

..but I'll leave that scene to your imagination. It's more funnier that way.

P.S. Do you sense the feeling of ominous foreshadowing, or is that me?

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 3/4/2012 18:46:00 >

Post #: 26

3/4/2012 19:42:48

Glais
Member

Very, very, very nice chapter here. Loved it.
You have a nack for writing actual good characters. I really wish I knew how to do this, my L&L is currently reeeeally lacking in it.

So wait, Light basically=reality manipulation. How is anyone ever supposed to compete with that? You basically just...win.

Post #: 27

3/4/2012 20:06:57

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

I'm very sure you can make wonderful characters :)!

If it helps, I was inspired by the other stories around this forum before I finally had the strength to write my own. Sometimes it also takes practice. Just keep at it, and I know your characters will get even better.

As for the use of light magic, as wonderful as it sounds, there are some limitations associated with it..
Otherwise Keisa would had said something like "Maven Alva will never harm us!"

Providence(light) magic is more like fate-based magic because you can change the fates of other people, but only it if is something their personality would allow them to do. Example: I can't make Artix become a death-knight (that just seems so..wrong)

Only the Hermaines have it, and their potential to give birth to future providence-users is very low. Despite this, their magic is powerful indeed. But there is a way to combat against it..

You may find out soon..*coughs*

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 3/4/2012 20:14:06 >

Post #: 28

3/4/2012 20:24:55

Glais
Member

A, gotcha.

And well, I did, been reading stories for a loooong time now. Just now that I actually began a DF story, the characters feel lacking compared to many others.

Post #: 29

3/5/2012 15:51:08

Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L

quote:

I am still a little tired from some of the research we did.

There is a lot of intrigue going on here.

AQW

Post #: 30

3/5/2012 22:01:45

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

Yup! And on that note, you get to see an awkward glimpse of Maven Alva with a new chapter! Yay! :)

(bonus fact: Maven is a title of a person who is a trusted expert in a particular field. You can guess what field Alva is good in). The party is about to start!

...soon! Once I get some inspiration for the next scene! XD

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 3/5/2012 22:02:56 >

Post #: 31

3/14/2012 19:02:57

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

I have updated the story to the events around the party. Let me know what you guys think. As always, I welcome any constructive criticism (and fun comments on the story itself)

Post #: 32

3/15/2012 0:27:02

Glais
Member

Wanted to finish the last chapter before I commented, but for some reason I don't seem to have the attentiveness needed. I'll takcle that tomorrow hopefully. In the mean time, I did read the second-to-last.

One thing I noticed you state it's nightfall at one part, then that it's morning, which makes no sense at all.

quote:

after clearing away the vague remains of a dust elemental, she found the thing she sought most among all her other valuables she found it:

"She found it" at the end is unneeded.

Anyhow, so she has a Dragon Amulet? DF Plot relevance from a completely unexpected source!

Post #: 33

3/15/2012 4:52:38

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

Thanks for noticing that. I changed the wording to imply that Maven Alva was tempted to pass the whole day away (and skip the party altogether) to avoid a grim task, instead of passing the morning away. That should help to ensure that at the time she is thinking to herself, it is still nightfall. The party also begins right after her departure from her cottage.

I'm glad you recognized the importance of that dragon amulet, Glaisaurus, it certainly raises a lot of questions...and that's all I'll say for now without ruining the suspense. :)

Post #: 34

4/6/2012 1:28:33

Glais
Member

First off, a tiny thing that irks me. They yare EATING A SNEEVIL? That's like eating a person, Sneevils are a sentient race after all. why not change it to a Tog or something?

Anyhow, I like the Ring giving segement, the jump to Alva's entrance feels choppy however.

So wow, that Light Magic is INCREDIBLY powerful. They can basically do anything they want, but at the same time you mad e it more interesting than the typical "UHUR, I HAZ REALITY WARPZ" character. I also just really enjoy the writing style, would make a great Studio Ghibli film.

Post #: 35

4/8/2012 8:41:56

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

Thanks for commenting, Glaisaurus_x . The joke about the sneevil being a 'rare delicacy' is that hardly anyone wants to eat it much less touch it, excluding the non-human guests who have a taste for..food we would normally find bizarre or weird to eat.

I hope to continue the verbal battle between Alva, Keisa and George soon. It's constructive comments like yours that makes me excited to continue the story :).

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 4/8/2012 8:42:14 >

Post #: 36

4/8/2012 10:56:47

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

I have updated the story. Alot of new plot developments are happening.

I also intend to finish the battle in the next entry, but based on the chronological order in the story, assume that by the time
Tekove reaches the place where Alva, Keisa and George Hermaine fought, the battle is long over.

Post #: 37

4/9/2012 17:38:03

Glais
Member

Another nice chapter. I don't get how the Light Effigy "was him" though.

Also...killing a Sneevil to eat it is pretty disturbing...like killing a person to eat them o_O

If the Light thing was Maven's manifestation of magic, then this reminds me quite a bit of the Stands of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

Post #: 38

4/9/2012 21:18:22

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

Sorry, did my wording make the description of the light effigy and that 'voice' sound like the same person? At least thats what I think your saying. Might be wrong.

What I was hoping to portray was that the voice Tekove heard emanated from inside himself. For the time being, it is portrayed as being part of the Hermaine's providence magic (as least to Tekove's perspective anyway) , but there is no way to confirm it until he demonstrates it to someone skilled in that field.

This voice helped by using Tekove's inner magic to reveal the light effigy, who is the magical manifestation of Alva's magic that locked Tekove and Lucas into the room. Hope that helps. I'll check my last entry to make sure that it strongly implied.

Edit: Tweaked the paragraph after the introduction of the 'mysterious voice x' so that that voice and the light being are two seperate people.

Its in the "But there was no way for him to find a loophole.." paragraph.

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 4/9/2012 21:29:35 >

Post #: 39

4/9/2012 21:28:43

Glais
Member

quote:

Sorry, did my wording make the description of the light effigy and that 'voice' sound like the same person? At least thats what I think your saying. Might be wrong.

Nono not that, but how he solves the riddle makes no sense "You are me and I am you" and such. I don't get it.

Post #: 40

4/9/2012 21:35:31

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

I can't say much, but there is a reason why its written that way. But basically, Tekove had to word it in such a way, worded with his own magic, to break through Alva's.

At this point of the story, the only one who understood the meaning behind Tekove's words (in itself a riddle) is that 'voice', and the light effigy who is currently..unavailable at this time :S. Later on in the story you'll understand how he was able to break the condition that "Tekove Hermaine cannot exit this room".

..That might have been too much of a hint >_>

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 4/9/2012 21:38:39 >

Post #: 41

4/9/2012 21:49:15

Glais
Member

Oh so it wasn't supposed to make sense, gotcha. I was confused thinking I was just vastly missing the riddle.

Post #: 42

4/10/2012 23:10:12

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

I have added a new entry to the story regarding Alva's Confrontation with keisa and George.
I can't say much, but I felt really sad at the end of writing that post.

Enjoy the adventure.

Post #: 43

4/11/2012 15:55:08

Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L

My sincere apologies for failing to respond sooner or finding the typos that I saw earlier while reading the story.

quote:

Your fighting against a Maven, my dear.

You're/You are

quote:

If he was a Hermaine, the magic he had would had forced it into servitude into whatever way he pleased.

I believe that should be "have".

Now, that was a very interesting chapter. I myself tend to shy away from omnipotent gods or other characters who control everything.

AQW

Post #: 44

4/12/2012 2:46:51

Glais
Member

That was...very nice. I'm not sure I liked it most out of your chapters, but it was definitely another good one. This is quickly becoming my favorite L&L, especially DF based.

I can't quite understand the ending though,
spoiler:

Did...did they die? Or were somehow separated from Tekove for an extended period of time? At first I thought the epilogue speech was of...whatever was watching Tekove at the beginning, but it's his mother so?

I agree with Dwelling on the omnipotents, etc. Tis no fun to have one character run amok against everyone else. Verses where there's enough competition can slightly get away with it, but not outright omnipotents. I honestly hate those types of characters, no fun at all.

Post #: 45

4/12/2012 7:57:48

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

spoiler:

Their fate is ambiguious at this point in time, but the words that Alva uttered will surely affect the world and Tekove as a whole.

spoiler:

Regarding Keisa's last words: The epilogue was her last thoughts that lingered to a coincidential event earlier in the story. She isn't talking to anyone, but is definitely referring to a memory of her past (and Tekove's , since he's referred to in the memory)

Of course, take note that the dimension that George and Keisa entered was the 'headquarters' of the Guilding Hand. If Alva was incapable of doing the job herself, all she had to do was call her friends..
As the 'designated villain', I had to give off the impression that she is acting omnipotent to give the possibility that she is not someone to be taken lightly. But like every character, her character and magic is without its flaws.

I admit the way I portrayed Alva seems to make her overpowered in a sense, but her magic is not without its downsides. The only advantage she had was the fact she is a skilled user of providence magic. Sure, she can influence the fates of others, but that doesn't mean she'll always gets what she wants as you'll soon find out :).

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 4/12/2012 8:11:52 >

Post #: 46

4/12/2012 11:09:47

Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L

@Hiraku Tatlin: I was more referring to the whole "Elemental Lords being omnipotent and controlling their lives" thing.

spoiler:

Somehow I think the bird is bad news.

AQW

Post #: 47

4/12/2012 18:14:38

Glais
Member

Ok so that explains that. And I disn't mean your characters are omnipotent, quite the opposite. I like how your characters are powerful but at the same time are just ordinary people.

Post #: 48

4/17/2012 20:52:51

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

A new entry to the story has been added.

A lot of stuff is happening, so you may be as confused as Tekove during this section in the story. I'll clarify on certain things if asked to the extent that it doesn't spoil too much of the story :).

Also, the way that Alva and her friend word their words is implying on a truth to what really happened to Tekove's parents, but since she is messing with Tekove, you can kinda guess she is being cruel to not outright state what really happened. :S

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 4/17/2012 22:43:29 >

Post #: 49

4/27/2012 20:11:22

Hiraku Tatlin
Member

With my previous entry, the first chapter of the story is finished. As a way to bring the readers involved, An intermission between this chapter and the (soon to come) upcoming Chapter has been added recognizing the reader in the tale.

As a sidenote, to make sure there is less confusion. I will only involve the reader's presence only during intermissions between the chapters. The reader's actions will not affect the characters in the story, but the witches' actions will.

The..'storytellers' are also anxious to hear your opinions, and will adjust the story accordingly. You can discuss your opinions or questions you want to be answered in the story itself in this thread, but state which witch you want to ask the question to. The witches will then incorporate them in the story even if it starts to stretch the integrity of the story itself. It's a neat way to make the story feel more..interesting.

I should be able to 'answer' at least three questions in the next chapter that may or may not affect the story as a whole, so fire away with questions your interested in getting answered :).

Edit1: Chapter Titles and Sections have been added for..chapterness?

< Message edited by Hiraku Tatlin -- 4/27/2012 21:59:20 >

Post #: 50

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