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For Captain Rheins:
The story is not bad (I particularly like the use of known Oversoul characters like Alpha Pirate and Quaztk) but it has some holes that could use patching up. There is one glaring thing: the relationship of Rheins and his father; if I understood your story correctly, Rheins had only just met his father for the first time when he negotiated a treaty with him...
finally was face to face with his father for the first time in his life
...and then you write he suddenly feels a surge of compassion for his father. I find that hard to swallow; such feelings need to be nurtured in some way and for two people who just met, I find it hard to believe Rheins would feel more compassionate with his father than his crew. Pirate crews were like family; they worked, lived, and died together. To say that his father who he had never met meant more to Rheins than his crew is a tad bit strange notwithstanding the fact that there is really no reason for Rheins to care about his father; the man was missing for the greater part of his life after all. It gets even stranger at the part where Rheins stabbed his father because if he really wanted a treasure map, he wouldn't have felt compassion for his father but more for what his father had to offer.
Which brings me to the second issue: the introduction of the "Three Treasures of Piece" with the une piece, dos piece, and tres piece. You're describing the plot of beginning to defeat the Alpha Pirate and then these three treasures make an appearance out of nowhere. What do they have to do with attacking the Alpha Pirate? They seem rather out of place and need a more proper introduction. Also, it was never mentioned until Rheins' father was dead that he actually possessed a map for the pieces. How could he have known his father had those maps? And the first treasure, the Sword of Dark Life isn't explained properly. We can assume it raises the dead since he uses it in the battle against the Alpha Pirate but again, a more proper introduction would be better. Another thing, how could he have mastered the powers of a sword that he simply pawned off his father; he should have spent some time bending it to his will. And then at the end, Rheins is killed and we never even discover what happens to the other two Treasures of Piece.
As always, grammar is also an important thing to consider since it makes the story easier to read; no one likes to pause every few sentences to discern the meaning of what was just read due to grammatical errors.
Just my two cents.
< Message edited by Trollok!!! -- 2/26/2014 10:31:15 >