Alrighty, here ya go! I forgot to put the mistakes in bold now that I think of it... Oh well, still hope it's useful to you. I also changed a few things here and there, so it's more of a personal correction on some aspects. It was done before Part 3 was posted, so only the first two parts are adjusted for now. Good job and keep writing :)
A small tip is to be consequent in the use of tenses. If you use a present followed by a past, this feels a bit awkward and is also incorrect, unless it's for didactic reasons. Aside from these nitbits, I thought it was very fun to read and you certainly have what it takes to be an even better writer!
The Battle - Part I
As the battlefield silenced, the warmongering heroes of Falconreach and the defeated army of Baron Valtrith looked upon the massive crater that was formed from the climactic battle between The Hero and Caitiff.
The defeated human-doom artifact was kneeling in the ground, thinking, with a sword at its neck. It just didn’t understand: the last time they fought, it sent The Hero running with just a blast, so how is it that they managed to actually beat it this time? Granted, Sepulchure was fighting on their side but the Doomknight didn’t recall lifting a hand during their duel; instead, he let his arch-nemesis do this himself.
“How, how could you manage to do all this!?”
The creature was staring across the battlefield at the sight of the victorious heroes and the corpses of 10 million creatures that serve its master army. It then shouts once more:
“How!? When you couldn’t even beat a one million undead attack and couldn’t even save this husk even though you had already arrived at the castle’s gate!”
The Hero just lookzs at it, staring at the twisted husk that was once their greatest friend and ally, with eyes filled with sadness and simply said:
“We are stronger than we were back then, monster. You may keep attacking us over and over, you can kill me, or Mordred, or Miran, or Dragonman but eventually a new generation of heroes will be born to take our mantle and defeat you and your kind.”
With those last words, the Hero raises their sword slowly and, in one swift movement, brings it down upon the abomination’s axe chest – where the darkness spirit manifests upon Serenity’s body. Cracks begin to form from the slash and rays of blinding light and darkness escape from them. Seconds later, the creature disappears as an explosion of light takes its place. From the flash, the Hero could see what seems to be a gust of black wind pour out of their dead friend and disappear.
As the lights fade, a human body is lying where Caitiff once sat, one with familiar golden hair and a torn innkeeper outfit, one without any traces of corruption from a doom weapon. The corpse of Serenity lay there with such a serene smile on her face that makes you think she was just sleeping. Unfortunately, not every story is a fairy tale.
As much as they wish it was otherwise, Serenity is already gone-gone, as dead as dead can be. Ashendal has explained this to them himself that once a soul is gone, it is gone, and thus Serenity will cease to exist from that moment onward across all worlds and nothing could bring her back … not even reality-warping power. ..
Thus, they gathered the wounded and the dead to bring back to Falconreach, with Serenity’s body in tow.
The Funeral - Part II
The sky is blackened with grey clouds blocking all sunlight from reaching the field, where Serenity’s funeral is taking place.
“Friends, allies, we have gathered here today to remember our inn keeper, our ray of light and Falconreach’s most beloved person, Serenity…”
As Ash continued the speech, the Hero could tell that he was shaking; the sight of her body must have had more effect on the young boy more than they realized. Not surprising: after they were frozen, Serenity gave Ash a lot of support in his quest to become stronger and be the new town protector, if anything, she can be considered his second mother.
Despite being a regular innkeeper, Serenity has become quite famous not just in Falconreach but many other places as well. They could see other heroes such as Artix, Warlic, Zhoom, ninjas and pirates from Sho’nuff, paladins, necromancers, Rose’s members like Magus Hansa and even a few atealans as well. The Hero could also feel the angry stare of not-so-few adventures when Ash recounts the attack on the Castle Valtrith – and who could blame them.
The Hero was, after all, the one the others looked up to and the one they elected to lead the charge to the castle and most – if not all – were present when the Baron snatched the Stranger’s cloak from them and sealed Serenity’s fate and fifty others who died from Caitiff’s blast. How heart-broken they must be when they find out they could have destroyed the cloak, they could have prevented all this from happening, they could have saved Serenity’s soul and figure out a way to get back her body later. But they didn’t.
As Lite Knight finished his speech, a coffin was brought out that held in it her corpse, all cleaned and groomed. She was still wearing that same smile like when they first met, that peaceful and friendly smile that gives off a feeling just like the sound of her name “serenity”. But now, that smile brings them nothing but sadness and grief. Stupid girl, why couldn’t she just tell us what was wrong and stop smiling for once…
After the coffin was buried and the others had already left, The Hero still sticks around and stares at the grave.
Just like Tomix’s funeral, they mused.
It had never occurred to them before that they never said a simple “thank you” to her. Whether it’s the delicious meal, free stay or encouragement; they just always smile and treated it like it happened every day, which was true in a way. The phrase “you never know how important something is until you lose it” never sounded more right. Serenity may have been a background character, she can’t swing a sword or cast a spell or fight through hundreds of monsters but in the end, she was still “family”.
A torrent of emotions and a stream of water flowed through the Hero’s eyes as he finally let out all the grief and sadness he bottled up. Tears were falling on the ground, as were the rain drops until the air was flooded with waters and booming thunders, heard raging across the sky.
< Message edited by Kian -- 3/23/2015 21:09:52 >