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(DF) An Excerpt on Light Sickness - Discussion

 
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8/27/2017 21:43:15   
Keridan
Member

Hi there! Been a while since I wrote anything here! I decided to write something based around a concept I held for the longest time, but was unsure of what to do with it. Finally decided on making it an ailment, over anything sinister like corruption (Although it does have some hints of Corruption in it, cause I'm a sucker for that kinda stuff.) This, in particular, is a story based on an illness based around Light Magic, as I feel sinister things based around Light as a whole is very lacking in DF. It's written like a journal entry, "written" by an author self-insert known as, well, Keridan Raal!

It's also a bit of a character idea for what my Hero, Keros has, as he's briefly mentioned in the story with his activism with his own affliction before he took the mantle of Hero (Or even, while he takes the mantle of Hero!)

I'm always open to feedback, and really am hoping to get some! Whether it be writing, idea refines, or what not! Though admittedly, I rewrote my original writing for this before posting here to be more of an actual story (The original draft was only 1.5k words, now it's over 4k!) so I hope it wasn't a wasted effort!

There's content warnings on the main story's page, for some sensitive content mentioned, but not really gone explicitly (I hope not, anyway.) So there's that too, haha!

I hope you guys like! Feedback appreciated, and you can find the story here!
AQ DF  Post #: 1
8/31/2017 16:51:38   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

From the Journals of Keridan Raal - An Excerpt on Light Sickness, Written August 27th, 593 of the Elemental Era


I am rather curious as to how you determined the year.

quote:

Light Poisoning, also known as “Light Pollution,” “Light Corrosion,” “Light Corruption” or “Light Addiction,” (archaic “Light’s Punishment,”) is a chronic disorder of the body, mind, and possibly even soul, caused by an overabundance of Light Magic within the affected individual, and further aggravated with consumption and usage of said magics. While this was once considered a natural curse over an actual ailment, it has since been discovered to be connected to the practice of creating artificial Light Magic connections within individuals not naturally attuned to the <> realm.

by, elemental

quote:

In that current time, the discovery of the ailment, then called “Light’s Punishment,” was met with negative reactions, as this discovery hailed from a time of significant change; only a few decades prior elemental harmony was truly achieved amongst Lore. Due to the lack of understanding at how the elemental realms worked, many people believed it was divine justice, or a force of retaliation from the Light Realm, at the idea of power abuse from its followers.

I don't know if that is the right word. What are you trying to say here? My first reaction would be to say "on".

of

quote:

With this considered, the idea that Lady Solstice was performing devious deeds without anyone’s knowledge became a prevalent rumor. Lady Solstice was exiled as a result, her fate left unknown, though a few years after her exiling, a creature cloaked in light started to cause havoc in the region; with knowledge of how the ailment works with the modern progressive of magiscience, logical assumptions have lead to Historians believing this creature, now known as a “Blind Fury,” was possibly the end result of Lady Solstice and her lack of treatment.

progression of magical understanding/progressive outlook on magic

Magiscience is used to describe the blending of magic and technology as used by Drakel (AQ) and Gnomes (DF). If this is what you are trying to say, by all means. But I suspect that it is not.

quote:

Finally, later discovered found “Blind Furies” to be the end results of the aforementioned affected individuals, after some that were kept in confinement for speculated crimes were witnessed transforming into the “Blind Furies” after a period of time.

discoveries

quote:

Because of these discoveries, curious individuals began to create many speculations of their own, which over time evolved into actual investigations with the growth of magiscience. While there were a significant amount of individuals and cultures that still believed adamantly in the idea that this imposed curse was definitely the retribution of the Light Realm, it simply was not enough to curb curiosity of various groups of people, such as Magisters and Doctors. As such, many royal houses actually funded towards the investigations, which included a multitude of different observations at first; such examples being various kinds of blood testing, searching for or learning information on the affected individuals past and/or current lifestyle, and studying the bone structures of deceased individuals once afflicted with the “Punishment.”


quote:

It took many years of investigations to truly and safely come to an accurate conclusion, with numerous proposed speculations tossed aside with new information found within various later investigations<> (One such example being a proposed outcome for any person strongly connected to the Light Realm eventually finding themselves plagued with this “Punishment,” which was proven false, as some individuals with, at that time, far weaker connections than other notable, unaffected persons, had gained the infliction over the others.) But within the year 106 of the Elemental Era, nearly one hundred years after the first discovered case, the researchers came to a discovery that was incapable of being proven a coincidence, even with <> numerous testing from multiple parties.

., the

quote:

Some locations, however, still allow the continuation of city-sanctioned human-magic experimentations, but Light bonds, if not all elemental bonds in particular, are often exception due to discovered information. Of course, some cities and villages are completely accepting of elemental bond experimentations experimentations, and will not issue punishment if discovered; even amongst the areas where the practice is banned, black market practices do exist for hefty prices. Because of this, while the amount of affected individuals is currently, as of writing, at an all-time low of less than 100 individuals, new cases of Light Poisoning do surface every year.


quote:

The symptoms consists mostly in regards to physical and mental health, but current studies are set in motion on whether or not the transformation into “Blind Furies” is a pure physical symptom, or if it actually holds some spiritual boundings. So far, studies have proven inconclusive, as studying in this phenomenon is still yet too recent for the Researchers to come to a definite conclusion amongst one another.

bindings

quote:

For physical symptoms, the most common symptom amongst those afflicted are the formation of “Light Scars.”

is

quote:

The blood will also be rather hot to the touch, even moreso than usual.

more so

quote:

Various other physical symptoms exist, those these tend to fluctuate between individuals in if they possess them, and if they do, to what degrees.


quote:

While addiction is, by far, the most known mental symptom, there are a variety of other mental symptoms in regards to Light Poisoning. One such symptom are extreme emotional responses, that can shift within a moment’s notice.

"of such symptoms" would flow better, in my opinion.

quote:

The final symptoms that appears as a possible symptom of Light Poisoning are OCD tendencies. These can include various rituals to calm people down, especially in regards to thoughts on Darkness attempting to consume them, or simple motion quirks like tapping or rubbing that the individual may not even notice. Regardless, OCD and Light Poisoning seem to have some sort of connection, as quite a few documented cases have been listed of the two together.

appear

quote:

The appearance of the “Blind Furies” have changed over the years, at first only appearing as being of bright light, with no real discernable features. Over the years though, the appearance of “Blind Furies” have changed, and even physical and mental symptoms have begun to show in afflicted just before transformation.

has, discernible, has

quote:

These symptoms involve such actions as a complete lack of awareness towards surroundings in an intense bout of dissociation, complete lack of reactions to pain, and constant hummings with no real melody sounding out.

humming

quote:

However, these symptoms can occur within moments, and take only minutes to finish a transformation, if the alteration to body was triggered by the individual over caused by neglect.

rather than

quote:

This discovery is the biggest change of reason as to why the “Blind Furies Transformation” is moreso speculated as a spiritual entity, if not a combination of physical and spiritual, and not just a physical symptom entirely. It is also why it’s greatly encouraged by those unafflicted to monitor any Light Poisoned individuals, for signs for forced transformation, as “Blind Furies” are exceedingly powerful with their light magic, and very dangerous in nature.

more so, not afflicted

quote:

Despite the nature of Light Poisoning, it is not a disease without its share of famous or influential individuals. While currently, only a little over one thousand individuals have been found to have been listed as either having Light Poisoning, or was “cursed” with “Light’s Punishment” in the first 100 years of discovery, numerous people with the affliction has found a name for themselves in history.

having been, have

quote:

Outside of the obvious famous example of Lady Solstice, the first documented example of Light Poisoning, other such famous examples was a healer known as Barbos, a man who hailed from Falconreach who was known for healing the most violent of injuries and vicious of illnesses, Sylvia Rottenburg, a writer from the small mining town of Lymcrest best known for her book “Sneevil Devolution,” and Thomas Hurst, better known under his preferred name and title “Keros the Poisoned,” a currently living activist coming from the cursed Doomwoods who advocates for not only the continued treatment of Light Poisoned individuals, but also for their humanization in light to rising prejudices.

were, of

quote:

Such mentions of prejudices shouldn’t be left without a mention, as while it’s always been present before, it has certain amplified in recent years. Ever since the discovery of how afflicted individuals of Light Poisoning were found to seemingly be capable of going into the violent form known as “Blind Furies,” the rise of hatred and violence against those affected has grown significantly. The reveal of this info to the public, as well as how most places now sanction a monitoring law, making it legal for anyone to investigate afflicted individuals for signs of transformation, as well as stop them by whatever means necessary if they think there is any present signs of transformation, has caused significant harm towards innocent individuals. It has even killed three people since to discovery; two young men, named Jefferson Godet and Hamil Reed, and an older woman named Lillia Brenish.

certainly been, which makes, that there are any signs present, have, its

quote:

While some individuals affected by Light Poisoning can gain a “Sanction of Passing Privilege” from lawmakers, if their doctor has given ample proof they pose no threat of unnecessary transformation, the laws are so open that even with the permit, people often can get away with violating the actions, and can even be given a pass for their unlawful violence.

I'm curious, but what nationality does this apply to on Lore?

quote:

While the life of those with Light Poisoning certainly hasn’t, and still isn’t, an easy one to lead—due to not only the health reasons listed, but the security they so desperately lack, even moreso in modern times—there’s no doubt that Light Poisoning is a part of our life here on Lore now; even if it exists in such small numbers when compared to other ailments, and the populi at large.

more so


I hope that I didn't miss anything.

The story sounds interesting. The main thing about it is that it honestly feels more like an excerpt from a "magimedical" journal than a personal one. Especially given how people don't tend to refer to themselves in the third person.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
10/14/2017 0:40:43   
Keridan
Member

Hey! I'm so sorry it took so long to get back with this! I ended up falling into some nasty health and was gone for a good while, but thankfully it seems I'm finally recovering.

Thanks so much for the feedback! Gosh, messing up typos and flow always is a weak spot of mine, as when I read it, I tend to not notice the hiccups. And also, thanks for pointing out that this felt less like a personal journal, and more just like a medical one. I may attempt to rewrite this in the future to give it a more personal touch, and not feel so formal, but I'll have to see how well my health holds these next few days.

Oh! And for the first question, that was more for fun since... Well, I couldn't find any info on if DragonFable had designated years, and if so what year this was. I'm still behind in quests, lore-wise, so I have no idea if one of the Book 3 ones mention the year.
AQ DF  Post #: 3
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