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RE: Institution--Comments: Fides Tria

 
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3/30/2009 21:24:18   
Nex del Vida
Member

Bwahaha, a late response to a late response. Here are my... responses.

1. No comment.
2. No comment.
3. The Thirst is incredibly powerful. It's not something you'd forget.
4. You will get more information about the Mundane. Suffice it to say they are incredibly downtrodden. They can't rebel because they are trapped in their cities--have you read Fair Weather Friend? That explores the government/city system much more thoroughly. The Mundanes do work, and a lot--that's part of their downtroddenness. As you know from the dog-eating scene, they are fed, but not very well. The Monks do that as halfheartedly as they do everything else.
5. No no, I know all of the Advisors' abilities. I just don't want to tell you yet. If I were reading this book, I would want to find out what the Advisors' powers were really badly, so I'm stretching it out.
6. Yeah, no one cares about them.

Extra: Yes. He would thirst for his family. And, regarding revolution about stolen children, haven't you heard? I thought we had discussed the... oh, never mind. You'll find out. :3 (The new Prologue details this.)


Okay. I've much changed the Prologue and first chapter, and will edit the rest to follow. I'm posting it again in its revised form, to delete the original when I don't need it anymore. I'll do other chapters as they are edited. This is in a new format. The first chapter no longer addresses the reader, and the excerpts from the Book of Magi are now going to be in front of every chapter. This way I can express Arcane viewpoints and Martin's feelings more organically. First chapter will be posted tomorrow.

About the institutions (oh no, did I just let a plural slip?) Information about this is something else I'm stretching out over a long period of time. Suffice it to say the institutions are kept very, very secret. Think about Harry Potter. Think about the vast range of abilities that Arcane have. Think about the defensive people on ASU 0 (which he will still be able to attend, just more rarely). Now you start to get an idea.

I can write again!

< Message edited by Nex del Vida -- 3/31/2009 8:18:17 >


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AQ  Post #: 26
3/31/2009 10:49:37   
Nex del Vida
Member

Chapter One posted.
AQ  Post #: 27
3/31/2009 16:45:09   
Firefly
Lore-ian


Welcome back, Nex! I missed you. /me snuggles ferociously

Once I take care of everything else I have to do (or at least some of it =P), I'll definitely be giving this an attentive read even if I may not have time to rip it to pieces line by line. So... I think I'm caught up on the later chapter so perhaps I should reread your edits? Or are they too minor to need rereading? (as you can tell, I'm slightly confused. Tell me what you need.)

Ooo, excerpts before the chapter? Sounds like something *ahem* a certain other person has been talking to me about... I feel almost plain beside everyone and their florid tricks. Maybe I should put poetry before each of my chapters (this is seriously a joke. I have /no/ intentions of doing that).
AQ  Post #: 28
3/31/2009 18:39:00   
Nex del Vida
Member

Your L&Ler reference went over my head, I'm afraid. Not having been here for... I think around nine months, I don't really know what politicking goes on here anymore. It'll take a while to get re-acclimated.

Unlike my previous large edit, this actually has to do with content. I've scrapped the (stupid) idea of the Scientists' University, if you even remember that, and some other things which simply didn't work. I dunno if you want to read it again... you may want to read the Book of Magi excerpts. It's gonna be fun writing those.

Also, just so you know, I have several major plot points planned out for the far future (meaning the end of this book/the next one, if that will ever exist). I do hope you'll be surprised.
AQ  Post #: 29
3/31/2009 19:00:54   
Firefly
Lore-ian


Pah, surprised. =P Blame a certain wuxia TV show. After that, nothing was surprising anymore. Seriously, the so-called "good character who didn't wanna hurt a fly" went ahead and became #1 big bad. (actually, that's just one of the things, but whatever).

I'll see if I have the time to read it again. I'll definitely check out the Book of Magi excerpts.

It wasn't really an L&Ler reference. You're not supposed to know (if you know, you're very very scary). And nor is anyone else here. It was a conversation in a chatroom with an L&Ler.
AQ  Post #: 30
4/1/2009 11:36:02   
Xirminator
Member

Seems interesting. I'll try to squeeze this in with my reading time.

I like the excerpts, gave the story an additional touch. Good job.
AQ DF  Post #: 31
4/1/2009 15:09:32   
Nex del Vida
Member

Thanks.
Editing is going well, so expect that to be done soon. I recommend everyone read the prologue at least again--it's very highly changed.
AQ  Post #: 32
4/2/2009 11:02:19   
Nex del Vida
Member

Chapter Four being edited now. I'll post Chapters Two, Three and Four tonight.
AQ  Post #: 33
4/2/2009 21:52:31   
Nex del Vida
Member

Chapter Two posted.

Chapters Three and Four posted.

< Message edited by Nex del Vida -- 4/3/2009 9:03:47 >
AQ  Post #: 34
4/14/2009 11:59:17   
Nex del Vida
Member

Salut, everyone. I'm in Paris! Happeh.

I've edited a few more chapters--lots of time on trains and planes. I'll post them all when I get home this coming Sunday.

Also, I'm working on the Book of Magi as a separate document. I haven't started writing it yet, besides the excerpts, but those are filling out quite nicely. Some information about it:

It is divided into four Books:
1. Creations
2. Gifts
3. Prophecies
4. Chronicles.

Creations is obvious. It details Arcos' creation of Earth, Mundane, Arcane, and things like that.
Gifts is entirely about the Arcane, with a small bit at the beginning about human sentience in general. It regards the varying abilities Arcane have.
Prophecies is Arcos saying what's going to happen.
Chronicles is the least "important" of the Books, meaning it has the least relevance to the plot. It tells of great Arcane and what they've done--Archmagi, Advisors, et cetera. There may be a few excerpts in the story.

Each Book is divided into four Divortium (hey, cool! I just realized how I can tie my chapter names in. Voila. Also Divortium is its' own plural.) The verses are labeled the same way the Bibles' are, so for instance Creations 1:1 is the first Divortium of Creations. However, in our Bible the lines are much shorter than Magi's verses: Genesis 1:1 is "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth." Creations 1:1, however, is around a paragraph. Each Book has sixteen main verses, (1-4):(1-16), but there are forty-four other verses (1-4):(10-64) that are mainly freely interpreted and not adhered to or read particularly often. Note the multiplicity of four (4 books, 4*4 = 16 main verses, 44 other verses, 4*4*4 = 64 total verses.) I haven't really thought of a reason for this other than that it makes it seem more religion-y.

A bit of info regarding Arcanism, as the Arcane religion is called. They have no defined church, the institutions being as close as they get. They are monotheists, believing in Arcos and only Arcos. They do not have "prophets," per se, but as is said in Prophecies 3:7 the Archmage is considered Arcos' vessel. If anyone has ever read Elantris, this can be viewed as being like the belief system of the Derethi. Only the Wyrn (akin to the Pope) is Jaddeth's servant. The Gyorns (Cardinals) serve Wyrn, the Arteths (who you call Father in a Catholic church) serve the Gyorns, et cetera. By becoming a priest or binding oneself to a priest you can join the chain of command. However, the Derethi believe that only Wyrn can truly serve Jaddeth. Arcanism is like a less-strict version of this, where only the Archmage can talk to Arcos and can relay that information to his inferiors. There is no formal praying in Arcanism because the communication relationship is two-way: Arcos only talks to the Archmage, only the Archmage talks to Arcos. Occasional prayer-like outbursts (Arcos! or Thank Arcos...) may occur out of habit.

However, most of the Arcane regard their Archmage as at least a bit deific. He is worshiped, in a sense.

If you have any other questions, feel free to ask. I might not answer depending on whether or not I'm going to reveal that information later, but go ahead and try.

< Message edited by Nex del Vida -- 4/14/2009 12:08:41 >
AQ  Post #: 35
4/15/2009 17:13:35   
jerenda
Member

Hi-ness! You're rewriting this? (Don't yell at me, I've been banned. Still am. Rawr.) Drat. I shall have to read it, but... does this mean I won't get any more new information? I have to reread the stuff I've already read? Noooo! *dies* And I want to know more!!! *dies more*

Anyways. I've read the Book of Magi exerpts, and so far I like them, and Martin's commentary is funny. ^_^

*hug/tackles randomly*

_____________________________

EC! EC! EC~
AQ DF  Post #: 36
4/15/2009 17:23:54   
Nex del Vida
Member

Banned...? Banned from what? Being on the computer?

Anyway, you don't have to read everything again. I recommend reading the prologue and possibly the first chapter again, but the other changes are minor. ASU 0 has now met several times before Martin joins them, but he is the final member and so they can begin their work when he gets there. Oh god, what's tha--
*is hug/tackled randomly*

P.S. As for new information: I have several large reveals planned. You'll have to wait, though.

Hint: One of them is regarding the Archmage, unsurprisingly. Actually, I guess they all are, indirectly. That's enough spoilers for now.

< Message edited by Nex del Vida -- 4/15/2009 17:25:24 >
AQ  Post #: 37
4/15/2009 17:36:45   
jerenda
Member

From the Internet. Totally. Completely. Everything. I can't even check my email. *perishes* *again* Killer for a girl like me.

I read the prolouge (at least, I did if it was the exerpt bit?) and I'll read the first chapter later. ^_^

Yay, spoilers! Of course. The Archmage is teh evilist. ^_^ So it therefore follows that all evil revelations will be about the Archmage, however indirectly. ^_^
AQ DF  Post #: 38
4/15/2009 17:43:03   
Nex del Vida
Member

No, by prologue I mean the new Pro Libri. It's extended to plant questions, which will be answered later. (And ouchies. Intarwebz = life.)
AQ  Post #: 39
4/16/2009 20:18:26   
Nex del Vida
Member

You may want to keep an eye on this RP. The character I'm playing is one of the Advisor-Tutelaries, though you don't know about him yet. Don't read it if you want it to be a surprise.
AQ  Post #: 40
4/17/2009 1:13:14   
jerenda
Member

Lord of War, I see. That one should be interesting to watch. And I like your character. ^_^ How y'all are going to control full armies should be interesting. I find it difficult to manage two. *laughter*

To be more on topic... I'll read the Pro Libri later... *ponders* Or maybe now.

Edit: Oh yeah, that. I skimmed it when I was reading the other bits. But I'll read it in-depth too. ^_^

By the way, is it significant that Martin uses Deor, the bad guy in their mythology, to curse?

< Message edited by jerenda -- 4/17/2009 1:56:27 >
AQ DF  Post #: 41
4/17/2009 13:47:50   
Nex del Vida
Member

Not particularly. Deor himself will be important, I guess, but saying "Deor!" is like saying "God!" in our society: a mild, all-purpose expletive. "Arcos!" is also used.

< Message edited by Nex del Vida -- 4/17/2009 14:01:57 >
AQ  Post #: 42
4/17/2009 19:00:29   
Firefly
Lore-ian


It's interesting how you're adding excerpts to the chapters. I'd put them after the chapter titles in order to make them seem less cluttered, but it's your call.

I've finally managed to get some time to read this. Mind you, I didn't read the revised chapters, only the extended prologue and the Book of Magi excerpts so my opinions are probably off. But, well...

*takes a deep breath and mutters, "Nex is a big boy. He can handle it."*

I don't think I like it.

I'm not usually this blunt, but I'm not critiquing your writing here. I'm evaluating if the added stuff is necessary to the story and I think... no. The writing is very good and you capture emotion very powerfully. The Book of Magi parts have tones that separate it from the rest of the story without being unreadable ye olde English or something. However, it might be because I read it all in one chunk instead of spaced out through the story, but I htink this is taking a lot of focus away from the original themes of the story. Perhaps you changed the rest of the story to conform to the new focus. I don't know. Perhaps I'm too attached to the old version. That's possible. But, well... I'll give some reasons here. I'm sorry if I sound extremely blunt but I really like this story. That's why I'm saying this. Remember, "I don't like it" is relative. You're still one of L&L's best. Just compared to what the old story delivered.

I don't like the extended prologue. No, actually I /do/ like it, but I don't like the way it's positioned. I really liked how you ended the old prologue with just the first scene and then revealed bits of Martin's past piece by piece (like when they mention how he wasn't born here, that's why he has memories, ect. And later on you were going to say that he has a sister, though it isn't revealed yet). I think the new version is too infodumpy (not good, considering that both the Book of Magi excerpts and the first chapter are technically infodumps as well).

It's also, well... I mean, when you lump it together like that, it feels like one of those "the pages the author writes when they're stalling until the real story." I'm one in the camp that thinks, "If the prologue is just used to set up tone/mood, then it's not needed. Begin where the action starts." In your case, your prologue is necessary, but the old way of giving the info piece by piece was better. It's more challenging, and it requires more juggling, but I think it's really the proper bar for a writer of your caliber. It also raises many questions and leaves the reader turning the pages (or scrollbar) to find out. Now, you're just giving it all away. Frankly, readers need a little incentive to make their lazy fingers move. They don't deserve all the serving the dish up front.

I think the best story isn't one where the reader is always comfortable, but rather one that makes the reader frustrated and addicted, where they can't put the book down, where the author is juggling a thousand things but dropping none of them, where the author says things that don't make sense but promises the reader that they'll make sense sometime, and ultimately fulfills those promises and creates a spectacular story. I think the old version's way of giving out Martin's past did this better. Also, I really liked the way you ended the first scene. It was much more powerful alone as opposed to being lumped together with the rest of the scenes.

Conclusion: The information is important, but I'd rather you keep just the first scene for the prologue. Other stuff can wait. Give the info through dialogue, interaction, when it pops up, ect. And use the scenes for flashbacks if you must. But I'd rather you integrate them elsewhere rather than use them in the prologue.

Btw...
spoiler:

I remember you mentioning to me that Mundane can develop abilities. If Martin's father was one of these, well, that'll be a good way to reveal that piece of info. I might be remembering wrong though, and from what I'm seeing on the prologue, I don't think that's the case. But I suggest that you make it like that. Your story, your call. For all I know, this might not even be true. I can't say for sure that you told me that. Might be my imagination.


As for the Book of Magi excerpts, well... *takes another deep breath* You seem to be making atheist statements with them. That's fine. I read Pullman's His Dark Materials without being offended, and controversial = interest = readers. BUT! I don't agree with making it a big part of Institution. That's because I looked upon this story as a good study of human nature, the raising of children, ect. Those were all brilliant themes. Adding in atheist ideas seems to eclipse the other focuses of the story. And I really liked those focuses. Again, it might be because I read the Book of Magi in one gulp instead of spaced out. Or perhaps you edited the rest of the chapters so that the focus is on this rather than the original themes. Those things would make what I say not apply. However, if that's not the case, then I feel that you're... well... sacrificing the story for the opinions on religion. I'm doing my best to speak from a purely literary POV so I hope I'm not going to incite any dangerous debates. This has nothing to do with whether I personally agree with your views or not.

I note that the later Book of Magi excerpts were more story-ish rather than pro-evolution-ish. The early parts just seemed to focus on "There's no Arcos" too much. I personally don't think that is a great focus for the story, and it might make some poor, ignorant reader think you're writing, er... "atheist propaganda" rather than an engaging story. Obviously, since I read Institution, I know you're writing the latter. But I think opening the story with a those statements isn't the best idea because it can give off a wrong impression.

Also, the earlier comments seemed to lack a bit of depth. I found the first excerpt especially baffling. I don't think any religion is meant to be thought of in such literal terms because in that case, of course it's not possible. But if God really made the world, then he can do anything, even if it disobeys the laws of physics or whatever. So that basically defeats any "no way there can be a man moulding everything outta clay" arguments. Just trying to analyze this from a literary POV... But still, I don't find the comments either funny or enlightening.

In terms of the way it's written, my only objection is that the "And so <insert item here> was created" repetitions did get on my nerves a bit. Again, I read them in one chunk. But I think some of those weren't needed. For example, "Thus were Triggers created." was slightly lame. I mean, Triggers aren't really technical beings like Mundane or Arcane. And you basically just /said/ they were created, only in more detailed terms. This is needless and a bit redundant.

As for the prologue, I think you can add more description and detail to the second two scenes. I want to /feel/ the flames, feel their anguish, feel everything.

I basically think that the new additions are well written, but I think the way you organized them was a bit messy. I suggest:
- Moving the later two scenes of the prologue elsewhere and/or giving the info in other ways. In other words, retain the old mystery feeling around Martin's past.
- Beginning the story with the prologue, then the first chapter, like before. And /then/ start inserting the Book of Magi excerpts.
- Deepen the comments on the Book of Magi excerpts. Give stronger /whys/ regarding Martin's feelings about Acros ect. Right now, the reason that it's "obviously false" is based entirely on a literal understanding which, frankly, undermines the spirituality of any religion to begin with.
- Make sure you don't overshadow other things with the Book of Magi and the past scenes, ect. The present story is still the focus, I believe.

I did find one typo:
quote:

Let the same number control water, the same air, and the same the ground you live on, and so together they may control the natural powers of the .”

I think you forgot a word at the end there. Maybe "world" or "earth"?

And finally, I noticed that this whole part lacks line breaks. I noticed it while scrolling for the excerpts.
quote:

David, the Silencer seated next to Maybelle, is next. He says in a quiet voice, “I am called David Wallace. I am a Private in Unit 156. You know my ability.” As he sits down, his medium-length red hair falls in front of his eyes. He leaves it there. I get the impression that he is extremely shy.
Next is the short, pudgy man who had served me in the Cafeteria a few days ago. He coughs wetly into his hand, wipes it on his uniform, and pats his stomach. He is a rather disgusting man, barely five feet tall, and even fatter than Tutelary Wachsberger. He is pale, though, in contrast with Wachsberger’s ruddy complexion.
“I,” he wheezes phlegmily, “am Tutelary Ruben. I can Excrete a sticky substance from my hands that can camouflage an area.” He sees my confused expression and adds, “I’ll show you.”
He reaches out his hand. An oozing, pus-like liquid drips from his fingertips and forms a small wall on the floor about an inch high. He concentrates on his hand and the drips turn into a torrent. The wall builds higher and higher until it is at a level with his head. I’m still confused as to what he means by camouflage: all he has done is made a four-foot tall wall of revolting yellow gunk. Then, almost instantly, the entire wall turns transparent—and Tutelary Ruben is not there anymore. I concentrate on the spot where he used to be seated, but my eyes slide around it and I can’t focus on it.
“You see?” comes a voice from behind the wall. “The ooze camouflages me.” The wall turns yellow again, and then evaporates. I grimace involuntarily.
Seated beside Ruben is Aleksander. He stands up, smiles at me, and says, “Hello, Martin.” He turns to the rest of the circle. “We’ve met. Martin knows my name and ability.” Aleks sits down.
Everyone in the circle turns to me. I clear my throat. “My name is Martin Fairweather. I am the Second Officer of Arcane Soldier Unit 42. I serve under Mikael, and I can Reflect things.” I flick my hand, concentrating on David. Suddenly there are two of him. Both of him look up in alarm. Smiling, I dismiss the apparition.
Mikael is speaking again. “As you all know except Martin, we are all here because of our disloyalty to the Righteous Cause and its glorious leader.” He says “righteous” and “glorious” with a contemptuous sneer. “During our previous meetings, we—”
At that moment, something occurs to me. “What about Oliver?” I ask. Mikael frowns at me.
“Who?”
“Oliver. I remember a few days ago, when I was eating. Everyone here gave me a look, as if they were trying to say something to me. Do you all remember that?” They nod. “Well, before I got into the Cafeteria, Oliver—Mikael, he was our First Officer before you—gave me the same look.”
Mikael furrows his eyebrows. “I know of him, although I have never met him… I did not invite him here, though.”
Maybelle laughs. “Him? Ha! I saw him sucking up to the Tutelaries in the halls even before he disappeared—went to the Honor Arcane, didn’t he? You have to be pretty damn loyal to the Cause to do that. He would never betray the Archmage.” I feel my stomach tighten—I’m two thirds of the way there myself.
“So… why was he looking at me?” I look around the circle perplexedly.
Mikael sighs. “I don’t know, Martin. Perhaps he recognized you.” I don’t believe this for a second—the look he gave me wasn’t just a glance of recognition. Mikael looks at me and says, “May I continue?” Embarrassed, I nod.


I know my comments look daunting. I myself am rewriting a story and I really wouldn't feel so jolly if someone told me they liked the old more. However, note that my objections aren't based on the writing, but on the organization. You won't need rewrites to take care of those things. Some rearranging and a few additions would be enough. And ultimately, it is your story. Since what I suggest is subjective, please don't give up your own voice if you disagree. But I really hope you consider some of the things I say since I believe I have said helpful things (of course I believe that. Or else I wouldn't say them. =P).
AQ  Post #: 43
4/17/2009 19:29:23   
Nex del Vida
Member

Haha! Wow. I do believe this is my first truly negative (this is relative, of course) C&C. Thank you, dear friend.

Okay, to business. I do see what you mean about the mystery being ruined a bit. I can very easily space out the second two scenes (actually, I love that idea).
spoiler:

I did indeed tell you that Mundane can develop abilities. I now know why.
The point of Martin's dad being a Pyromance is to make the reader wonder, "How can that happen?" The ensuing dialogue is to reinforce that wondering. However, your juggling concept (which is something I absolutely adore in books, hence it should be in mine) makes it ridiculously better: we have the mystery combined with the gradual revealing of information. I will change that.

As for the Book of Magi excerpts, I think you may be right that you're taking too much at once. In Word's version of book format, each chapter is around ten pages long, with some being shorter and some longer. I think this will space it out quite a bit. However, your other comments may well be astute too. I am open about my agnosticism, and am certainly distrustful of the kind of god that is portrayed in Magi. The intent was to provide information to the reader over a longer period of time, so as /not/ to make them read an infodump: it would be more of the gradual revelation. These can easily be removed and published, sans annotations, in a separate thread. I've already copied what I have into a Word document. However, I am going to have to disagree with you about the repetition, though. I was Bar Mitzvah'd, and my Torah portion detailed who was to set up the ark and what coverings should be placed on the table in what color wool and in what kind of wood bowls and where the candles should be placed and what should be on the table, ad nauseam. Rather than doing my speech on that, like most people, I did it on my Haftorah--but that's all Jewish nonsense to you. The fact is, in places the Bible (and Torah) is (are) repetitive. This is just my dumbing down of that so the reader won't be bored to death. In fact, every verse in Creations should have "Thus were ____ created" in it, all sixty of them. The last forty-four will be almost entirely boring repetition, which is why they won't be in the book. (Actually, this Book of Magi business gives me a chapter limit: sixteen verses that matter per Book, four Books. I may just give up on that entirely, though, and (if it is ever published) give The Book of Magi as a supplement.

Thank you SO much. No offense taken at all. /me hugs Pyrosect
AQ  Post #: 44
4/17/2009 20:45:35   
Firefly
Lore-ian


Well, it wasn't that it was "bad" Like I said, you're still leaps and bounds ahead of plenty of people. It's just that I didn't really see a lot of point to say all the positives when I already told you how positively I feel about the story as a whole.

I'm glad you agree with me on the mystery. That's was my main objection. And I accept your decision to keep the repetitions.

The excerpts now... Whether you should include them or not is highly debatable. I'm on the side with "cut out the parts the readers skip over" and since you admit that the book stands well without them... But your story isn't exactly a fast-paced story. It doesn't grab attention through action and suspense (like, for example, in the way my works do... <_<) but rather through good solid storyline. Therefore, I don't think you should necessarily take them out. They do add more to the realism flare of the story.

The main problem I tried to get at was the fact that I don't think you managed to make it a, well, gradual revelation. The story /opens/ with something that can translate--to someone who is very touchy--into "There is no God." Rather, the later parts actually grew less "touchy" than the beginning. I think reversing the order of reveal would make a more flowing story. The beginning included many things that were very blunt and devoid of even an explanation.

Also, opening with the prologue and/or chapter one following it and /then/ going into the excerpts can also work wonders. I know that the Arcane God is highly questionable but not including some type of explanation of Martin's comments can make people think that you're referring to the Christian God (or whatever God they believe in) through an representation. (Pullman's "God" technically is not the Christian God and that's the way I read the story, but I know that most people would agree that he is speaking out against religion. I know that anti-religion isn't your main purpose here, but someone not familiar with you/the old story might not know that).

I'm glad I didn't offend you. I hope I wasn't (and am not) too blunt. Good luck with the story, Nex!
AQ  Post #: 45
4/18/2009 17:12:43   
Nex del Vida
Member

I'll edit later. One comment before I go: one of the reasons I used the excerpts was because I didn't like the way the first chapter just gave those excerpts. I've edited out the Martin-telling-the-reader-something part of it, so I felt him randomly recalling excerpts from the Bible was strange. If I take the excerpts from the prologue and first chapter out, I'll have to figure out another way for Martin to reference the specific passages withoiut confusing the reader too much, as in saying "I remember Creations 2-5" without the reader knowing what I'm talking about.

I won't be doing any editing or writing for the next couple of days, being sick and stuck in England until I get better. Thanks for the criticism.
AQ  Post #: 46
4/18/2009 18:19:03   
Firefly
Lore-ian


Aww, get better soon. Don't worry about the edits too much. I have faith in you that you can rectify all problems easily.

I don't remember enough about the first chapter to comment about whether the excerpts have to come before it or not. Sorry. I should reread this, but life is always in the way. *sigh*
AQ  Post #: 47
4/21/2009 14:38:48   
Nex del Vida
Member

Um... have I not posted here yet? Heh, whoops. I'm better. I am going to hold off editing until Pyrosect and I can have a good long discussion about what I'm going to do with my story.
AQ  Post #: 48
4/21/2009 16:01:23   
Firefly
Lore-ian


Ouch. I feel like I'm slowing your progress. Really, I don't have any objections other than the above. You already know what to do about the prologue, and the Book of Magi can either be phrased with more explanation or be taken out and some other form of reference to the excerpts can be used. But I'm willing to talk if it'll help. I just dunno how much IRC time I'll have today or in the coming days.
AQ  Post #: 49
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