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=DF= Thankstaking War Stories and Poems Commentary

 
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11/23/2010 21:08:58   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


=DF=Thankstaking War Stories and Poems

Here is where you can discuss each other's war stories if not in the war thread in the game forum.

< Message edited by Eukara Vox -- 11/24/2010 11:09:14 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 1
11/23/2010 21:24:23   
Mordred
Member

The link is slightly misleading in title. But, I understand. And oh, how I revel in these wars! Depending on how we proceed in this war, I may or may not contribute. I will hope for the best, of course!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 2
11/24/2010 2:46:49   
  San Robin
Modzerella


I lolled because of sendais story xD
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 3
11/24/2010 11:21:08   
Silver Xoven
Member

I tried a poem, check it out, thought it was kinda funny.
Oh well.
DF  Post #: 4
11/24/2010 11:36:18   
Mechajin
Constructively Friendly!


Check out my poem :D!! *Mechy wants some Comments!* TO ARMS!!
DF  Post #: 5
11/24/2010 14:46:20   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


Heya guys, don't forget to link your poems and stories to the war thread in a post!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
11/24/2010 16:51:12   
Hogo
Penguintastic!


Made two! :D

Hogo's poems of awesomeness :D

There is now also one awesome story hehe..

< Message edited by Hogo -- 11/24/2010 18:47:54 >
AQ DF  Post #: 7
11/25/2010 9:09:49   
Imaru
Member

I would like come constructive critsism on my story, The Hunter in the War.

_____________________________

AQ DF  Post #: 8
11/25/2010 16:59:17   
Lantern Man
Member

@ saber you misspelled some words and made some sentences too short and grammatically incorrect, I'll try to find them and show you the problems
quote:

Imaru had been insane for all of his life, and then after waking up one morning in doom wood, he could think clearly. And he liked it.

the "and then" should be "but". "And he liked it" should just be "He liked it". Doomwood should be capatilized and one word.
quote:

As he lifted the Dead scorpiarc onto his back

dead should be lowercase and Scorpiarc should be capitalized.
quote:

As he neared the road to doomwood another thought, this one more like a memory crossed his mind.

again, Doomwood should be capitalized and you need a comma after memory.
quote:

And he even enjoys when he is being hunted by his mark.

The sentence sounds better when it is just "He even enjoys being hunted by his mark.
quote:

From above the hero fell

It should be "The hero fell from above".
quote:

It took him months to do this, to learn to control his emotions and to master his technique. To become a master took time, but Imaru is exceptional at what he does.

The second sentence sounds slightly rhetorical, but changing it is a mater of the point your trying to get across.

< Message edited by Lantern Man -- 11/26/2010 10:06:06 >
DF  Post #: 9
11/25/2010 17:57:30   
Hogo
Penguintastic!


I find Drakyloid's short story to be very on topic, a cheery and morale bringing story. Well done :)
AQ DF  Post #: 10
11/25/2010 18:36:56   
Dragonman
Member

The beginning of my story has been born! It is therer for all to read and critisize, and maybe ask to be in it
DF AQW Epic  Post #: 11
11/25/2010 20:54:22   
Kidatrea
Member

So, would anyone like to comment on my story? I figured I would ask your opinion before I finish it. So...

Critisize away!

< Message edited by Kidatrea -- 11/25/2010 23:45:21 >
DF MQ  Post #: 12
11/25/2010 21:21:51   
Imaru
Member

@ lanternman, i fixed the mistakes you listed, more critisism is welcomed.
AQ DF  Post #: 13
11/27/2010 3:52:06   
Miashin
Member

Any con. crit. would be welcome on my piece. It's just a series of snippets of my character's and their actions in this war. Nothing too epic but any chance to improve my writing is a welcome one.

Direct Link Here
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 14
11/27/2010 19:57:18   
Dantae darkflare
Member

I wrote my own background story so feel free to comment or criticizes on it and don't blame me for it being dark and violent (even if i wrote it) it's meant to be that way.
AQ DF MQ Epic  Post #: 15
12/1/2010 15:12:34   
Hogo
Penguintastic!


Hehe well done Jonny Bravo (which btw is an awesome name) I loved the humour in your story. You could do well with some proper punctuation as it would read better but as it reads like one of the war casualties and weather reports from the main thread I really enjoyed it :)

On another note, we should assimilate(is that the word for gather?) all of the random poems from the main thread an post them all together here. Either by asking everyone in the thread to copy and paste their entries here or by having someone compile them all together in one post and giving credit to the original authors... :)
AQ DF  Post #: 16
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