Home  | Login  | Register  | Help  | Play 

RE: 'Some Call it Fate' Discussion

 
Logged in as: Guest
  Printable Version
All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> Works Discussion >> AE Fanfiction Discussion >> RE: 'Some Call it Fate' Discussion
Page 4 of 4<1234
Forum Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
4/19/2012 19:43:20   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


Wondeful new chapters Jessa! The plot is terrific...don't worry too much about the content of your story; so far it is incredibly interesting and not in the slightest is it boring or too slow-paced. The flow is just fine. Keep it up - I do hope to read more; I am thoroughly pleased at the unique perception of your characters during this period of Super City's legacy^^
AQW  Post #: 76
4/22/2012 0:54:35   
Jessa K
Member
 

Wow, thanks, Jae. I'm glad you like it so far. Pretty soon the plot's going to get even more interesting, I hope. There are a few post-C&T stories going around, including yours, which I hope you start up again soon.
AQW  Post #: 77
4/23/2012 22:36:38   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


I think I might just comment on this, now. ;)

It's been a while, and the chapter's been out for a while, as well, but I might as well. I do enjoy your works...

Mmm... People looks so cute and innocent while they sleep... So harmless; So free from the pains that the world provides them. Save when the nightmares of the waking world invade their only respite. All the horror that could and does happen to people, and even that which is impossible, brought forth from the pits of their own imagination to strike them like a viper.

quote:

She rolled over and turned to look at the photograph she had taken yesterday. She missed her parents. Terribly.

The troubling thing about that is that wounds such as those seldom heal... not completely. Always an ache in your heart for what was, and what might be. Unfortunately, many times the hopes of your heart are never to be, at least in this world. Perhaps in the next, either, should fate seem especially cruel. So much of life is pain... It is good, though, that we have joy and peace to help us along. Friends made, and families to be had amongst those who are not even your kin. At least we are so blessed to have any enjoyment in life at all, though it makes the misery within it seem all the worse.

The tight-knit group we created there reminds me of the Akatsuki, back in its early days, when its bonds were of brotherhood and mutual benefit, headed by Nagato and Yahiko, in the Hidden mist. In the days of the Ninja World War. The third one, I believe.

... Unfortunately, I will not be able to comment on more than the first few paragraphs of that chapter... I must retire to my bed, after preparations, you know. I have a relatively inflexible curfew, which has consequences for going too far over. I hope to be able to continue this tomorow. You can thank SL9K for convincing me to read again. Also, the maker of the Naruto manga for either not having released more, or not giving the transcribers enough time to put them on that website that I have been using of late. That is not to say your story does not have a draw of its own, however... I'm reading it first.


_____________________________

DF  Post #: 78
4/24/2012 0:50:24   
Jessa K
Member
 

No problem, sleep tight!

And thanks Shadow for convincing Drak to read again, lol.
AQW  Post #: 79
4/24/2012 1:52:58   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Jessa: It was no problem, even though I'm not sure on what I did exactly.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 80
4/24/2012 14:58:33   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


I wonder how many little "bedroom" alcoves there are, in that place...

Hmm... Yet another dimension added to their bunch and its affairs... Luke seems to claim otherwise, but I agree. He seems like their leader, if not in title, in role.

And again, I am reminded that he can not only generate and control flames, but extinguish them with his will, as well... Interesting aspect.

Not something a single person can do... Of course he could help, but that also puts his family in danger, both of losing him and potentially starving, and from the dangers harboring a hero pose... Not some easy decision that one should ust make on a whim. He'd have to kill more and more people, in all likelihood, even if he is careful about it... and that can hurt a person worse than a physical blow can.

True. He might be safe with her there, for a time, but this city in particular is a dangerous place. You can be killed without even knowing you've been targeted, much of the time. I worry that Jessa's naivety and her innocence will get them into far more trouble than they bargained for. Being so young, all the things that combat could bring would be so much more effective on her than they might be on someone who hadn't led such a relatively sheltered life. So much could go wrong, even if it goes well for the first little bit. :/

The world is not as simple and kind a place as many people think. Filled with ugliness and pain that can shake someone to their core, if you get too much of a taste of it. As much as I fear for Jessa, though, I know she will live, or if not at the very least come back to life, though I doubt she'd perish, personally. What I feel for more is that little collective of children, and how much sorrow and tribulation they could go through. And yet, I know far too much for my own good. Too insightful, but also with foreknowing.

I suppose I shall move on, however, as it's best not to dwell on such things, and the pain shall have to be dealt with in the time when it comes.

Stubbornness can be good at times, but it can also get you into a heap of trouble, especially when you don't know what you're doing, going in. Putting yourself out into situations of random crime and violence can be... problematic, when you don't have information on the situation. Luke has his training, both tactical and with regards to control of his powers, but Jessa could get them into alot of trouble, even if she saves him on many an occasion. Effectively a gamble...

Oh, not really good or bad, I think. More a tool. Must have mental discipline and understanding of how it works to make it less risky, though. Neither of those does/did she yet have. >.>

quote:

“It’s simple. We’d just go out, look for somebody causing trouble, and stop them.”

-.-

*facedesks repeatedly*

I wonder if she still blames herself for her parents' deaths... Or *you* rather, since I am looking at an autobiography...

*sigh* Well, I knew it would happen anyway... I suppose I shouldn't put too much time into regretting it.

Being their first time, I suppose that has special connotations and dangers. Makes me wonder if they'll get saved by some other hero, after doing something stupid. <.<

Rain.. bad sign... :/

Hmm... I wonder how the public would view them, if they found out that Luke and Jessa steal, as well as doing heroics, even if it's for a good cause (which they could not know about)... The ammount of exposure super heroics can bring could make problems for them just out of notoriety, if not otherwise...

Running towards them... Bad idea, with only fire-based powers... You'd want to keep them at a distance, and be able to pick them off that way, especially with Jessa there. Unless of course he is profiecient enough with hand to hand combat to take out multiple people at once. Then there's the gun, too. >.> Even while maulfunctioning, they make for useful bludgeoning weapons. Very risky, this fight...



Idk why, but I think I'd have liked that as a song choice for the chapter. lol

For some reason, that chapter makes me sad. For one, those guys should've had a much better chance than they did, although I liked how you wrote the fight scene, overall. Secondly, they were all dead. Killing should not be something taken lightly, even if at times it is necessary. You yourself had just recently engaged in a similar thing just such a short time ago. For all we know, they could have families that could have starved because their providers were killed trying to get something extra to help them get by, and not have to go without meals to have enough money to pay for the other things they need in life.

Unfortunately, such choices must be made in life... especially in such a life as one must take on to fight for the safety of this city of ours. I wish that the burden of the lives of another would not have to pass on to someone so young, and unprepared for what might come, though.

I am not innocent. Many a son and daughter I have slain, but yet it still grieves me to see celebrations among such souls as you two, after killing like that.

And now my mind pulls me into the thought that if Jessa had not been there, he would be gone. Dead. Dust in the wind, yet another victim of the rampant violence of this place, and there would've been nothing to do about it. Their fates would be up for grabs, all of his family. Perhaps they'd starve to death. Perhaps some would become victims in yet another such squabble, after a poorly thought out attempt to raid somewhere for food. Perhaps they'd even break up and wanter aimlessly through the city, looking for someone to help out, after they lost their leader, and their family structure fell apart.

Of course, they could still endure, but it wouldn't be the same. If he could die, then what does that say about just how safe the rest of them were? What would that do to the others who had been there the longest? And then, what if only Jessa returned...? *shakes his head grimly*

It was a well writen fight scene, I suppose. It just troubles me, to see them celebrating over taking people's lives like that. :/
DF  Post #: 81
4/30/2012 3:10:37   
Jessa K
Member
 

New chapter's up, completely rewrote it.
AQW  Post #: 82
4/30/2012 4:56:30   
Shadowlord9k
Member

1am. Perfect commentary time.

quote:

Falling for You

That sounds painful actually, for all involved.
Also I'm pretty sure I called it.

quote:

His skin may have been fireproof, but his clothes sure weren’t.

You would think he would have figured something out about that by now.
For some strange reason my autocorrect is having a problem with that weren't.

quote:

Luke closed his eyes and concentrated, falling into the half-trance state required to keep burning so long.

Use the force Luke.

quote:

He slowly opened his eyes. Shocking green met bright blue,

That must be pretty surprising, just opening your eyes and seeing another pair of eyes very close to your own. Well at least they weren't bloodshot.

"an inventory" just sounds a bit off to me.

quote:

He could hunt best all alone,

Why don't they make some fishing poles and go fishing once in a while?

quote:

why did he feel the need to gather his courage?

Gee I have no idea, it isn't painfully obvious to all but Luke at all.

quote:

Who cares what she thinks I sound like?

Well she would assumedly.

quote:

seemed extremely un-Smasher-like.

In this situation that's good. 

Pandora Radio decided to play "What is Love?", seemed fitting.

Darn cliffhangers, I wonder how it will continue.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 83
5/1/2012 0:38:27   
Jessa K
Member
 

1am commentary? Are you a vampire or something? XD

Huh, I just now realized Luke's name is the same as the guy in Star Wars. The characters are so different that it doesn't matter, though.

Fishing? Where would they go to fish?

It's quite obvious to Luke as well, but the poor boy is almost in denial.

Mm, you're listening to Pandora now too? It had a habit of playing well-matched sings to stories. You should've heard it when ices reading Drak's story.

Why yes, that's the point of cliffhangers.

And what did you guts think in the change of point if view?
AQW  Post #: 84
5/1/2012 1:33:36   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Jessa:
No, I just have a poor sleep schedule.

Now I want to watch Star Wars yet again.

I dunno, there's gotta be docks or something somewhere.

If I had a nickel for every example on the appropriate TvTropes page...

Pandora can play the best or the most hilariously unfitting songs at any time. Of course I use it.

That doesn't mean I can't hate cliffhangers.

You really should ask someone else about the point of view change.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 85
5/2/2012 18:15:08   
Clown the Jester
Member

Love the character style. Such emotion.


I like your style.


A combination of inner story and outta story.


Very much like your story.
AQW Epic  Post #: 86
5/4/2012 11:53:04   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Well, firstly I would like to apologize for not getting to this first. Secondly, I would like to thank the kindly Billy Joel for his song "She's Always A Woman." It has a very good sound to it. ;)

Makes me want you to listen to my "Bark At The Moon" station for a day and give me a critique. ._.

I like that note about the biological clock difference. Being up earlier than the rest probably gives him more time to ponder the day/s ahead, which is good for a leader.

Glad to see you mention the exertion and strain it can cause on one's self caused by constant useage of your powers. It makes your story seem all the more realistic, and the realism suits it very well. The mention of smoke being a problem helps as well. Many people wouldn't think of such a thing.

I wonder just how fireproof his skin is...

He thought Prof. Smash tought him how, but he can't remember? Curious... Personally, I lean more towards that being something he found out for himself, but meh. Makes me wonder just to what degree of control he has over his powers, and to what skill level he has mastered it.

quote:

Even with his eyes closed, he could recognize by sound when she got up. She always made a half-groan noise, followed by a small sigh.

I love little bits of characterisation like that. Makes the story so much more beautiful overall. It reflects well on your level of knowledge and skill as a writer. ;)

quote:

...the sudden sharp intake of breath, like somebody waking up from a nightmare.

Still so effected by the events in her recent past... Reminds me of how Katniss Everdeen was described. :/ ...The last book in particular was depressing to me.

quote:

She was beautiful; there was no doubt about that. Her eyes, her nose, her mouth, everything about her face seemed almost unrealistic to Luke.

Reminds me of the stark contrast elves, vampire, and faeries can seem to have to the world... A certain foreign, cold, mystical detatchment about them, as if they were pulled out of a world of their own, and just happened to have appeared to you, and nothing in the world could effect them. I still imagine Jessa a bit differently than she's portraid in that picture of yours. A tad bit more angular face, and with a slightly more angular face.

quote:

but that was before his life fell apart.

I like that. It makes it seem like a distant memory, and one that doesn't particularly have too much regret in it, but rather nostalgia, almost. At least he has a new one, though. Too many never get that chance.

quote:

and Sam was the best when it came to math and numbers.

Good to know... I wonder how much use that will be of in the story later, or if it's just an interesting tidbit that won't be mentioned again...

I wonder if they aren't burning through the canned goods a bit too fast...

It's good to see a pseudo-mother figure in amongst them. Mila was a good choice, considering how long she's been with them. Someone needs to have the reason and worry to take care of them and make sure they don't make stupid mistakes... I like that there is one.

quote:

She needs to learn how we do things around here, he argued

I am wondering just how much her lack of experience could effect things, when compared to the potential benefit of her powers, and just how much squick she shall feel seeing something be killed, with blood pouring out of it, and not just charred to the point of almost not seeming human...

This brings me yet again to question just what part Will could potentially play in the story. For some reason he seems like an important figure, to me.

quote:

Then he gathered his courage- why did he feel the need to gather his courage?

I blame hormones and/or pheromones.

quote:

“Now, before it gets too hot and they all hide in the shade,”

That reminds me of 300, for some reason. ._.

quote:

Mila watched them leave, and Luke could have sworn she was smirking.

I randomly suggest she is demon-possessed.

Hmm... The edge of the city... Decided to rewrite the familial exposition, then? Good. That was probably something that was worth keeping. It allows for a talk between them, as well. XD

I imagine them having a pet rat named Bill, for some reason. lol

Interesting description of the area at the bounds of the city. It has me more interested in the specific topography of the area, now. XP

quote:

and the rabbit literally dropped dead.

Spontaneous internal combustion? Oh, yes... and btw, YOU KILLED THE CADBURY RABBIT!!!!!!! D:

Seems I was correct. Reminds me of the words of death in the Ancient Language of the universe Alagaesia... <.<

Poor kids only got to kill one bunny before the cliffhanger ending. T_T
DF  Post #: 87
5/8/2012 18:40:14   
Jae10
Creative!
Constructive!


I must say I do like this chapter the same as the other, well, actually somewhat more than the other. You're very good at piloting your story! ;D

So, Luke has the "hots" for Jessa! XD <--- That was suppose to be a joke btw; a silly one though.^^"

Uh oh, SCIF*-* I must admit, their sudden appearance was unforseen. That was quite a nice surprise though. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of role they play in Jessa and her friends' lives :3

AQW  Post #: 88
5/28/2012 15:00:25   
Jessa K
Member
 

Heya guys, SO sorry for the extremely late reply. Had a wrist injury and couldn't type very well for a while, then got caught up in end-of-year exams, but everything's good now! Going to try and reply to everything. 

@Clown: Thanks a bunch, it really does mean a ton to me for you to say that. Really glad you like it! 

@Drak: I honestly didn't mind your commentary being a bit delayed. And now for my reply. 

I like adding in those little tidbits of reality- time, smoke, strain, I feel it really helps move the story along. Plus the little details are fun to write in. 

As far as I can tell, his skin and hair are both 100% fireproof, and withstand any amount of heat and flame, no matter how great. Of course, it's not just his skin but his entire body, and he is heatproof too. 

No, 'Luke thought of' as in 'Luke remembered'. He was just thinking about it. For his age, Luke has very good control of his powers. He started training when he was quite young, three or four. Many years of training combined with his naturally calm and steady personality makes it so losing control is virtually impossible for him, and using his powers normally is not at all difficult, unless he's doing something extra large/hot/etc. He can set anything on fire, so long as it can burn, and he can light and extinguish fires at will. 

Thanks for the compliment on my level of skill and knowledge as a writer, but to be honest I wasn't thinking about that when I was writing. It was near midnight, and at that point it just felt natural. Wake-up sounds are something I noticed long ago, since I always wake early. Everybody has a wake-up noise, and it just felt right to put that in. 

Indeed, haunted by her past. I don't see her too much like Katniss, though.

I felt that I really risked being a Mary-Sue by putting in Jessa's beauty, but I justified it to myself by saying that was how Luke saw her. Jessa isn't otherworldly-beautiful, per se, but she is quite pretty. I, too, imagine her face a bit more angular, slimmer. 

Yup, that was a bit of nostalgia. Luke is content with his life now, but sort of wishes he had a normal happy life. Not enough to leave his current family, ever, though. 

Nah, the cans'll last them a while. 

Mila isn't a mother figure as much as a caring older sister, the way I see it. She worries about them and cares for them, but also has fun with them and treats the others like equals. 

Jessa's inexperience could be a hindrance in the future, if she doesn't learn how to control her powers. If she has to see somebody die, I think she would be rather detached about it.

I like Will. He's fairly important, being the main strategist and such. 

No, not pheromones, lol. Hormones, probably somewhat, XD. 

Dunno what 300 is. 

No, Mila is not demon-possessed. She's just being herself. 

Yeah, I liked that little bit where they talked about their lives and families. I always feel that it's good to give out bits of background info. 

A pet rat... Named Bill? That's rather random. I don't even really like rats. 

It was a bit hard describing the area outside the city, because I have no clue where it's located. I thought of the outskirts of Seattle, combined with the fields and forest near my house. 

Yup, spontaneous internal combustion. It's a less messy way to kill things for Luke, although it takes a lot of concentration for him. Probably wouldn't be ideal in combat because it would leave him wide open for attacks. 

Yup, just one bunny. :/

@Jae: Thanks, I like this chapter more too. I'm not quite sure what you mean by piloting my story, but thank you for the compliment XD. 

Lol, I see what you did there! 

I'm honestly not quite sure what to do about SCIF. Their arrival surprised me almost as much as you. 

@Everybody: Thanks so much, and hopefully I'll have a new chapter out soon! 

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 5/28/2012 15:01:06 >
AQW  Post #: 89
5/28/2012 16:21:52   
Shadowlord9k
Member

quote:

Dunno what 300 is. 

It's a number.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 90
5/28/2012 16:52:31   
Jessa K
Member
 

Really? I had no idea. Thanks, I feel so enlightened now!
AQW  Post #: 91
5/30/2012 15:51:16   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


It's a movie. It has an awesome part where they are holding shields over their heads, protecting them from a rain of arrows falling from the sky, when one guy bursts out laughing about an earlier comment that one of them said about fighting in the shade. One of the enemies had threatened them by saying they could fire arrows enough to blot out the sun from the sky.

Historical fiction, depicting the battle of Thermopylae, a key point of the Greek strategy against the invading Persions, taking advantage of a bottleneck to force enemy infantry and cavalry to fight in a confined area, meaning their advantage due to numbers was significantly lessened. The battle culminated in the majority of the Greeks retreating, while Leonidas and 300 men of Sparta (along with 1,000 men from another Greek city state, which is not mentioned in the movie, but is in the historical account) hold off their advance long enough for the naval battles going on (led by the Athenians, which had quite a navy at the time), and giving the rest of the Greeks in the lower ranges of the peninsula to decide what to do, muster, ect. Many of the Athenians were able to be saved once their navy returned to their city's harbors, while the Perians continued to advance by land. Some stubbornly refused to leave their city, and hid within the wooden walls of the Acropolis. The city was of course sacked and burned, so that proved to be a bad decision, it would seem. XD

Eventually, the Persian force was soundly defeated by the Greeks, much of it due to naval warfare's effect on the Persian's support and supply train (massive armies cannot function properly unless well-supported), along with the casualties of battle otherwise. Xerxes, the leader of the Persian army, and king/emperor of Persia (refered to as God-king in the movie) and its territories, had his army/navy withdraw, and Persia never attacked Greece again within his reign. The Greeks went on to eventually devestate the Persian power and then eventually conquer it, under the rule of Alexander the Great.
DF  Post #: 92
1/19/2013 0:40:02   
ND Mallet
Legendary AK!!!


I loved it. }:3 Had my attention the whole time I read it. You really need to get around to updating this. I'm interested to see where this will go.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 93
2/11/2013 9:14:53   
Jessa K
Member
 

Thanks Moose, as well as everybody else who has commented so far!

So, time for some news I think you guys will like to hear. After a lot of thinking, I've begun writing the next chapter. Keep an eye out as well for minor updates/changes in previous chapters. I'd like to say I'll have this chapter done by next Monday.
AQW  Post #: 94
2/18/2013 17:48:41   
Glais
Member

Well read the prologue finally.
Not a bad start though in a way it seems almost too serious for HS.
Not a bad thing, I'm just unable to take HS as a serious setting which is my problem not the story's.
DF MQ  Post #: 95
3/12/2013 0:51:12   
Jessa K
Member
 

I know it's been quite a while, almost a year in fact, but at last I've got chapter eight up! I hope it makes up for the long wait, which I am very sorry about. A huge thanks to ND Mallet for the use of his character!
AQW  Post #: 96
3/13/2013 12:26:21   
delta blitz
Member

Its quite alright, writer's block happens to all of us x3

I'm happy to see that your back and though I can't say much for the chapter(I currently am deemed unqualified to judge anyone's story), I must say that I'm glad I'm not the only one who has come back to finish what I started.
AQ AQW Epic  Post #: 97
3/13/2013 19:50:16   
Jessa K
Member
 

I've already got plans to rewrite this chapter some before going on to the next one, as I can see a lot of sloppiness in it now, which I do apologize for. A few HS writers seem to have started up again recently, which I'm very happy to see!
AQW  Post #: 98
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4]
All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> Works Discussion >> AE Fanfiction Discussion >> RE: 'Some Call it Fate' Discussion
Page 4 of 4<1234
Jump to:






Icon Legend
New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Forum Content Copyright © 2018 Artix Entertainment, LLC.

"AdventureQuest", "DragonFable", "MechQuest", "EpicDuel", "BattleOn.com", "AdventureQuest Worlds", "Artix Entertainment"
and all game character names are either trademarks or registered trademarks of Artix Entertainment, LLC. All rights are reserved.
PRIVACY POLICY


Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition