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A Hero's Tale (Disscssion)

 
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8/16/2014 9:50:38   
Hemabody
Member

Hi everybody , that's the thread where I will disscuss with you my DF Fanfic A Hero's Tale (I know the name is not a creative one , but I couldn't get any better one) , so any issues about my story please contact me from this thread , thank you
AQW  Post #: 1
8/16/2014 13:43:23   
afb728
Member

Soooo many commas. Just, so many.

Okay, so you gave some information about Harry's family, but a lot of it is incomplete. Like, does Max have any bearing on the story? I feel like you cut off his part.

I'm going to replace commas with periods.
quote:

... child was born .

quote:

... fighting skills since his very childhood.


Also,
quote:

meeting their his friend
To meet his friend.

quote:

countless
Countless what?


I don't want to only be focusing on grammar, because that's not really a fair thing to attack you on. There is more to a story than grammar.

You gave some background information on the parents and the Brother, gave us an age for Harry (Although we don't know how old Rolith is during this story. Nevermind, Rolith's 13, I guess.) You set up the next chapter, and we know what the end result of the story is (he's going to save the world.) So you did convey a lot of information, but, as a reader, I want more (elaborate, please), especially if this is an introduction to the story.

I'm interested in reading the next chapter to see where this goes, because, plot-wise, it's not a bad start.
DF  Post #: 2
8/17/2014 6:43:59   
Hemabody
Member

Sorry , the first time I write a fanfic (actually the first time I put a story to puplic) , so thank you for showing me my mistakes , I will try not to repeat it

< Message edited by Hemabody -- 8/18/2014 6:19:08 >
AQW  Post #: 3
8/18/2014 10:04:35   
afb728
Member

Ok. A lot more plot in this one. Nice.

I do have some confusion. I thought Rolith and Max were the same age. So, is Rolith better friends with Harry because Max is wet blanket, or did I miss something? The reason I'm asking is because 13 year old boys don't like to spend too much time with 8 year olds, in general. (I am leaning toward the wet-blanket theory.)


The dragon is a good development. It seems original and there's a lot of potential with an undead dragon. My final question is: Is Max going to live?

Good work.
DF  Post #: 4
8/18/2014 10:43:57   
Hemabody
Member

I will answer your question , but in a spoiler
spoiler:

Yes he will

About the relation of both Henry and Rolith , I will make an edit in Rolith's age so it wouldn't be strange
Edit : I have edited the age , and I made Rolith 10 years instead of 13.

< Message edited by Hemabody -- 8/18/2014 10:46:58 >
AQW  Post #: 5
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