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Of Satellites and Flintlocks (Discussion)

 
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1/23/2012 17:42:52   
Goldstein
Member

Full title: Of Satellites and Flintlocks: How One Pirate Crew Managed to Traverse Half of the Known Blasted Solar System and Emerge Only Relatively Harmed, or, Of Satellites and Flintlocks: HOPCMTHKSSEORM.

Mouthful, eh? This is my take on the sci-fi genre. I think the sci-fi genre should have pirates. So I'm adding some.

Between my novel (Circling the Drain...don't ask) and my other tale, a little HeroSmash fanfiction by the name of Who Needs a Medical License? (What is with me and lengthy titles?), this story won't have very lengthy updates. It will be updates on Monday, or as close to Monday as I can manage. This is just an outlet for a fun, goofy, somber, solemn tale I've been itching to share. Grace just keeps knocking on my brain, yelling, "Hey! What about me? I'm interesting!"

Oh, yeah. It's told from the first-person perspective of a girl. I need practice writing the fairer sex. So if it sounds ham-fisted, just tell me, eh?

Enjoy!

Post #: 1
1/23/2012 22:08:25   
Kinzdor
Member

Hm reminds of a old game I used to play. That is one long title.

Aww nice perfect day and then bam she loses her job! You know a stolen stapler could get annoying. I like how she distrust the man right of the bat. Shows she has colon sense. Don`t know many girls that would pick a gun over jewellery. Interesting on the Conjoined Confederation of Countries and how that led to advancement. I would taken the job in Iwoa personally. Hmm nice ship. The bald man seems to care alot about that ship. Didn`t know you could have tile in a ship. I have a feeling that man who snarled is going to end up being the captain. As for being ham-fisted not at all I though you did good writing the fairer sex.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 2
1/23/2012 22:54:30   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


I like pirates, so I think I might read this. Also, interesting idea, writing with the perspective of a girl.

I think I shall also comment on it... probably about now.

Oh, the -eths...

I like that you placed it in earth/the sol system. Makes it seem more realistic, considering how much in the ways of tech-based advancement, and those of other areas there would be, and how far in the future it would be before we actually developed inter-stellar travel. Besides that, the Earth's resources could have been spent for quite some time.

I don't like him... seems like a jerk. I also don't like it when incompetant people are given possitions that those with more knowledge and experience could fill better... usually as a result of connections higher up, as he seems to have. Then again, she could be wrong. I don't think well of him, though.

Indeed... undignified, and sad altogether.

*says "Conspicuously fancy" in a high, singsong voice*

That guy sounds annoyingly undignified, too... lol

Also, unemployed mass? It's that bad in the future? O_e

I like her name, though... and why not ask about your novel? ._.

And who says you won't be interested/desperate enough to try your hand at an illegal one, lass? Hehehe... *rubs hands together, face shielded in the darkness, eyes glowing menacingly*

Why am I pretending to be evil, you say? I am the king of the pirates. That's why. XD

Flashing's become a fad, eh?

I like rubies. Red Diamonds are better, in the right shade, but rubies are very good gems... although it depends on oppinions and the individual gems, I suppose, because the radiating a redish glow in UV rays is a rather nice effect.

The guns bit is understandable, I suppose, considering assumed circumstances.

*eye twitches at the mention of the CCC*

Huh... no chuches. Odd.

Iowa? Eh, whatever. Best not to ask too many questions on those kinds of things.

Doubt 100k a year is very good, considering inflation.

Old girl? *raises eyebrow*

Idk, a golden pistol is a little too flashy for me. Seems almost... tacky.

I'd consider that good luck, too. It would make for a nice picturesque begining for a movie.

Roanoke... horrible venture. Probably explainable by the colonists joining with a native tribe nearbye, explaining the blue eyed decendants... GENETICS!!!!!!!

Also, who's majesty's service is he in? O.o

Hmm... Interesting tale that could come about, I think. Makes me wonder about characters and events.

O.o One eye...

Hmm.. I wonder just how long it will take for her to shift her oppinions, regarding the law and piracy.

Her previous job could leave her... quite successful in her new occupation.

I agree. Lack of loyalty in the crew is a valid concern. I'd say she'll probably become loyal eventually, but at this point how should I know?

Tortuga. o.O

Nice ship... I'll have to stop about now.

I would have posted first, but the internet explorer decided I didn't need to. lol
DF  Post #: 3
1/23/2012 23:38:44   
Goldstein
Member

Well, HMS has become an archaic term to refer to any ship not in proper service to the CCC. Why, you may ask? Well, it'll be explained.

And I do love CCC. Conjoined Confederation of Countries, Crowd Control Corps, Conservation and Conservatism Coalition. So many possibilities!

And $100,000 a year is equivalent to about $30,000 in today's money. (PSST: That's not a completely accurate number, just a rough estimate.)
Post #: 4
1/24/2012 0:47:59   
Jessa K
Member
 

As far as I know, most girls wouldn't even think about sticking around long enough to talk to a creeper like that.

I've always liked the name Grace. Probably because I have absolutely none.

She's actually going with him? That's not very smart.

Hmm, if it's such a good job, why is he offering it to her?

What has she gotten herself into?

All her possessions could fit in one drawer? Even hair and makeup stuff? Official documents such as birth certificate? Photos and such? She carries it all around with her?

Overall, pretty good. The thing about us girls though is that we tend to be a bit more emotional than most guys. Emotions of all kinds, keep that in mind. It's good, but if you left out the few parts where she is addressed as a girl, I'd think she was a guy. Like I said to Vector; try reading a girls' book and note the differences. Also, how old is she? What does she look like?

I need to get to bed... I just spent a couple minutes wondering why my iPod was trying to autocorrect 'droor'. Night!

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 1/24/2012 0:53:27 >
AQW  Post #: 5
1/24/2012 6:49:50   
Kinzdor
Member

Jessa all her belongs could fit in there because it was just her stuff from her old office.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
1/24/2012 7:06:26   
Goldstein
Member

Exactly. Grace had the standard government apartment, as per regulations, that meant no makeup. Anything of value, she kept with her, or in her desk, hence why she didn't return to her apartment.

And I'll remember that. More emotions. Got it.

Next chapter: Grace goes into hysterics and eats an entire tub of ice cream! Oh Goldstein, you are SO smart!
Post #: 7
1/24/2012 10:13:04   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


To be fair, the girl is apparently working in a military branch of the govornment, based on her job description, so a few tomboyish things here and there would make sense. For example, the golden gun actually is a relatively logical choice. I still say it seems almost tacky, but I understand why she might pick it.

Jessa is right, though. You need to show more emotion in writing of her. The militaristic discipline shows in the scene with the L-C, and she could have gotten herself in big trouble by doing anything else than saying "Yes, sir," even if it was between gritted teeth, but there's still room for improvement in the story, overall. For example, you could have made the "Thank you" for telling her where she'd be staying clarified to be awkward, and emphasized that she had a mounting sense of tension and worry about what she had gotten herself into more about then. That would have been a very good time to, in fact.

Hmm... I had thought the Commander would be effectively in the place of a captain, but I suppose he could still be over him, at this point. *shrugs*

You know, windows inside officer's quarters is not a good idea with space travel... That increases the chance of said officer being pulled into the vacuum of space because of the fact that s/he was not protected by as much as could have been there, and the ability to have a scenic view took priority in some designer/s's mind/s. That could easily be accomplished with proper use of cameras, as well, and a viewscreen in the approximate location of the window, or even elsewhere, such as opposite of the bunk, or somewhere viewable from both the bunk and the desk.

Yes, superficial gravitation control is a beautiful thing.

Hmm... inertial dampeners need work.

Personally, I'd have thought it would be more of a giggling reaction, rather than a smile that would be adequate, but then again, that's because you didn't specify the emotions associated with the smile. Hillarity at how silly that would look, or how foreign the concept is, perhaps.

I suppose it depends on the mindframe of the person in specific, though. I agree, it's suprising for me, too. Some previous situations do set you up for a feeling of relief and joy at the concept of the new one, though. The freedom and leeway presumably allowed that came with being a pirate. The fact that she'd still be performing her old job, effectively. Perhaps the sheer feeling of anticipation and excitement that comes with doign something taboo, that she never thought she'd ever be able to, let alone actually be doing.

And yes, that would be an interesting (and while somewhat predictable, a term commonly used by writers for foreboding purposes) idea, the captain being the man with the mangled arm. Makes him look like he has firsthand knowledge of how a battle goes, the dangers therein, and how those who don't have it in them to handle the work crack under pressure.
DF  Post #: 8
1/24/2012 20:55:39   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Oh boy, I finally get to say Space a lot.

Gold:
quote:

Of Satellites and Flintlocks: How One Pirate Crew Managed to Traverse Half of the Known Blasted Solar System and Emerge Only Relatively Harmed, or, Of Satellites and Flintlocks: HOPCMTHKSSEORM.

In Space-theaters November.

quote:

I think the sci-fi genre should have pirates.

Don't tell SyFy, the movies would be... There are no words to describe it.

quote:

Between my novel (Circling the Drain...don't ask)

Oh, I'm asking. What is it? May I see it? Why? Does it involve Space?

quote:

ham-fisted

If it does turn out to be ham-fisted, cut the fist off and make a delicious "all-natural" ham sandwich. After enjoying your snack, write however works best for you. If it happens to be a bit hammy...well you'll just have more snacks along the way.
---
Kinz:
quote:

Didn`t know you could have tile in a ship.

It would have to be custom made as to not ruin space travel.
---
Drakkoniss:
quote:

interesting idea, writing with the perspective of a girl.

It could work spectacularly, in which case I could make some jokes, or it could fail horribly, in which case I could make some jokes. Either way it'll still be great, I don't even think Goldstein could fail this.

quote:

*says "Conspicuously fancy" in a high, singsong voice*

I'm gonna read it in a over the top British accent. Seems a bit fitting.

quote:

Also, unemployed mass? It's that bad in the future? O_e

That reminds me of a book I read, Uh I forget a lot of it but they managed to "burn" souls as a power source (for about 3 minutes), maybe something similar happens here?

[quote.]and why not ask about your novel? ._.
Because that's my line.

quote:

Flashing's become a fad, eh?

Ha-ha context, keep in mind that some of us read the discussion first.

quote:

Huh... no chuches. Odd.

We don't want no Space-Vikings praying to Space-Thor for safe Space-Pilliaging, now do we?

quote:

Idk, a golden pistol is a little too flashy for me. Seems almost... tacky.

Gold Pistols are Insta-kill though.

quote:

Also, who's majesty's service is he in? O.o

Steve, The Queen of Space.

quote:

I would have posted first, but the internet explorer decided I didn't need to. lol

Use firefox. You fool.
---
Jessa:
quote:

As far as I know, most girls wouldn't even think about sticking around long enough to talk to a creeper like that.

Space culture in a fictional Space-setting. In space. (Not to mention the exploding of Creepers can be useful.)

quote:

I've always liked the name Grace. Probably because I have absolutely none.

Out of politeness, I must disagree on that. Even though I don't know you. At all. Space.

quote:

She's actually going with him? That's not very smart.

You know nothing of Space-Logic.

quote:

Hmm, if it's such a good job, why is he offering it to her?

Space-Plot advancement.

quote:

What has she gotten herself into?

Space.

quote:

All her possessions could fit in one drawer? Even hair and makeup stuff? Official documents such as birth certificate? Photos and such? She carries it all around with her?
quote:


Maybe it's a space drawer. That fits much more due to slight bending of quantum hammer-space due to scientific Space fallacies in a fictional Space environment. AKA: Space-Magic.

quote:

The thing about us girls though is that we tend to be a bit more emotional than most guys. Emotions of all kinds, keep that in mind. It's good, but if you left out the few parts where she is addressed as a girl, I'd think she was a guy.

Different personality then is the space-normal. Mind you there are unemotional space-females and over-emotional Space-Males.

quote:

Like I said to Vector; try reading a girls' book and note the differences.

Or read all of TvTropes. Ultimately it's more fulfilling, and more space-wise then a girls book. Probably.

quote:

Also, how old is she? What does she look like?

TO THE space ART PROGRAM!

Now how do I make a Space-circle again?
---
Anyway, to the Space story:

quote:

What a sunny and happy that day was.

And then it all went to hell.



quote:

They knew more than me, apparently.

Many would say otherwise.

quote:

As one last act of revenge, I stole everything, from the stapler to the big rubber band ball.

Even the space-printer?

quote:

BP, maybe Microsoft.

Maybe Space-VALVe.

quote:

don’t carry stuff like staplers around in their hats.

Obviously people are wearing the wrong hats.

quote:

“Narmstrong,”

I see what you did there, and I like it.

quote:

“Fastest ship in all of space.” He sounded very proud

When the hyperdrive ISN'T broken.

quote:

“Fine. So long as I’m paid, I’ll do what you want.”

Now that is not something you say to pirates.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 9
1/24/2012 21:42:01   
Goldstein
Member

Dern it Shadowlord you make me smile.

Anyway, this may sound like old hat, but to me, this is genius. Any additions I make I will make red, and deletions, I will make light gray.

Brilliant!

< Message edited by Goldstein -- 1/24/2012 21:44:10 >
Post #: 10
1/25/2012 1:26:34   
Jessa K
Member
 

Mmm, nice additions. Really good. *is too tired to think of bigger/nicer words*

No makeup? That's disappointing.

All her money? All official documents? Tax/bill history? Birth certificate? All kept in her desk? *is skeptical*

And you said she could fit all her stuff in her hat, yet you mention she has a laptop...

I'm still curious as to what she looks like.
AQW  Post #: 11
1/25/2012 1:35:29   
Goldstein
Member

Briefcase. Haw haw!

And, wha, laptop? Laptop? WE don't need no stinking laptops!

< Message edited by Goldstein -- 1/25/2012 1:39:44 >
Post #: 12
1/25/2012 16:52:24   
Kinzdor
Member

OK gonna take a look at those updates now!

Heh I know how she feels wanting to snap her pencil. $87 dollar fee! If that was the cab fee! That much for a taxi ride?? WHAT A RIPOFF! Big tip off that there is something wrong when you don`t get a invite to a important cermnoy.

Wow now that is one nice view! Ugh I have always hated people who get jobs just because they are related to a certain person. He must be mean if she thinks he would pull that kind of prank. She could fit a college certificate in a hat?

Um did that car just fly? Nice that you made Narmstorng feel more like a actuel city. Oh a pirate shipping bay,interesting. Pretty nice deal he made her,well for a pirate job.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 13
1/25/2012 17:14:15   
Goldstein
Member

She had a briefcase, whatever didn't fit in that, she put in her hat.
Post #: 14
1/25/2012 20:15:57   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


SO, glad you decided to include some of my, Jessa's, and presumably Shadow's recommendations... sorry I didn't comment again recently. I had forgotten they made multiple commentary sub-forums.

You are welcome for all my commentary, and yeah, SL9K's commentary makes me laugh, too. XP

On the topic of Jessa's saying that goign with him wasn't very smart, I would like to say that, aside from SPACE-logic (!), there's also the fact that she very well could have been desperate to get a job that would actually meet her needs, after being fired from the previous one, especially considering the economy making those other jobs worse than they would seem, her professional skills most likely not being too... suited for many other jobs, as that was a specialist job. Also, considering the unemployed's description of being a big enough chunk of the populace to be a horde, that might just contribute to it.

Now, I feel I might actually read the story again... But I'll be doing a few other things, too, and might not finish it tonight.

Car's flying is understandable. If they had an autopilot system, that is... If not, that just increases the problems with drunk driving and things we have now, will cause many more wrecks, much worse damage upon said accidents, ect. They'd also be more expensive, and possibly difficult to fuel.

Sooo... I'm distracted by American Idol, because my mom is watching it, so I think I'll enter this, and perhaps read when I have more concentration.

...

Which Bohr would that quadrant happen to be named after? There are quite a few of them that are relatively important... Perhaps it's named so because it is the area surrounding the crater on the moon, hmm?

Corporal, not "Corporeal". XD

Tight bun... Gives a better idea of how she looks, but doesn't tell what hair color she has...

I like the view into her job/pre-piracy life that you added in there. Shows more of how the future is different than the present, too. Very nice.

Interesting measure, surrounding it with Plexiglass... prevents tampering, somewhat, it also might make it less convenient to get actual sanctioned people in. Probably reasonable overall, though.

I wonder why they have those outfits, though... Also, why they are using a rocket, specifically, when there seem to be more advanced methods of getting into space, now. Presumably more maneuverable craft, too. I suppose it could work to lift something rather heavy off the ground, but that would seem a waste of resources, especially considering the proceedures used with rockets... But whatever. I don't know enough about their logistics to criticize it adequately.

Hadn't been invited to the countown most likely because you were to be shortly ordered off the premises.

Was "Yabba dabba do!" one of those quotes? Niel Armstrong said that while he was on the moon, presumably because of the fun of walking on the moon.

I assume the "Exulted Primier" was/is the head of govornment, yes?

Nice view. I especially like the road.

*coughjerkcough*

I don't think they'll be thinking they didn't need her anymore later in the series, especially considering the fact that I'm guessing she's quite good at her job.

WOOT!!!!!!!!! WHITE KNUCKLES ADDS TO THE FEELING OF RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

/me is glad for the tears bit

Yep, as I thought, unemployment is a huge factor of life in that time, and it I'm guessing it would be difficult to get jobs because of just that, as well. Taking that in mind, and the fact that he said an entire group of people with the same job as her are being layed off, those jobs in Iowa aren't even guranteed to work out for her.

Drown sorrows in coffee, instead of alchohol... XP

Why, yes, she does. How'd he ever guess?

Hmm... didn't immediately assume he was talking to her, eh? Interesting...

Nice sensory detail, that he actually got out of the cab, there.

Interesting city, Narmstrong... I agree, that DOES make it sound more like a city, and puts that into your head so that they will be thinking as such while reading. Nice touch.

Interesting bay... I agree, probably the central hub for such illegal business and revenues.

That business invitation now sounds more interesting... I suppose there would be more reason for her to choose not to, but it's also more tempting, that way.

Resentment... Hmm... An interesting touch at his deeper psychological traits, there. I won't speculate in words too much, now, but still... I bet you did that on purpose, too. XD

Took my idea about specifiying the emotions of the smile, I see. :)

And so, I am done viewing these edits.

SET SAIL FOR ADVENTURE!!!!!!!! THE NEXT CHAPTER AWAITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 1/25/2012 21:51:06 >
DF  Post #: 15
1/25/2012 21:29:27   
Goldstein
Member

There was a guy in the, Commander Bills slapping on it was a signal to leave.

And in case you're wondering what Commander Bills looks like (the face, at least) see here, the great Al Pacino.


< Message edited by Goldstein -- 1/25/2012 21:33:19 >
Post #: 16
1/25/2012 21:54:08   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Edited... and yes, I know there was a person in there and that that was a signal to leave. That was made rather clear. XD

Nice to know more about what he looks like, as always. Such things help set up for a quite enjoyable affair.
DF  Post #: 17
1/25/2012 22:18:17   
Goldstein
Member

Oh. I read "auto-pilot" and said, oops, gotta explain!

INDEED MATEY ADVENTURE BE OUR FUTURE. BUT ALAS! WE'RE GROUNDED ON A REEF OF EXPOSITION! ARGH!
Post #: 18
1/25/2012 22:42:07   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


We'll get there eventually. I have faith.
DF  Post #: 19
1/27/2012 18:18:50   
Jessa K
Member
 

And space magic!
AQW  Post #: 20
1/29/2012 14:34:25   
Kinzdor
Member

Hmm Goldstein did you get any of you`r inspiration form this game perhaps?
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 21
1/29/2012 17:21:55   
Goldstein
Member

Not at all. I didn't even know that game existed. I'm just drawing from my general knowledge of both pirates and SPACE. This isn't going to Pirates of the Caribbean IN SPACE, and it's not going to be Star Trek WITH PIRATES! either. It's going to be a unique blend.

Remember, no aliens.
Post #: 22
1/30/2012 16:29:59   
Kinzdor
Member

Didn`t you say it would update on Mondays? WE WANT CHAPTERS AND WE WANT THEM NOW!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 23
1/30/2012 23:03:47   
Goldstein
Member

WELL TOO BAD!

Seriously though, homework takes precedent. If you want something to blame, blame the absurd complexities of the French language, along with the absurd complexities of Math Studies.

EDIT: Boop, short new little section, will add more tomorrow.

< Message edited by Goldstein -- 1/31/2012 23:29:06 >
Post #: 24
2/1/2012 17:13:43   
Kinzdor
Member

quote:

I always figures pirates decked out their ships with all sorts of stuff they’ve picked up over the years.


It is most likely locked away in a cargo part of the ship. I mean having you`r loot out in the middle of the ship would make it easier to steal.

WAIT WHAT! A talking Gatling gun. I guess he has some kind of computerized artificial intelligent system?

Maybe the captain could be a love interest in the future.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 25
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