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Stromy's Writings -- Working on Chapter 11

 
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6/27/2008 17:42:56   
stromy
Member

The Guardian Knave


< Message edited by stromy -- 3/15/2012 22:43:47 >
AQ DF  Post #: 1
7/3/2008 2:39:43   
mastin2
Member

And What of your other work? 'Tis been a while...
Post #: 2
7/5/2008 16:50:14   
stromy
Member

I'm working on it... I've been out of town for a week... so it will be up... tomorrow.
AQ DF  Post #: 3
12/21/2008 15:53:21   
stromy
Member

Or... Maybe it won't. Nor will it be up today. Mostly because I'm lazy.

Anyway, it's the end of my first semester of college and we have a month long break. I'm going to be writing now. I promise. My plan is to write at least one new chapter for The Guardian Knave today since the story looks to me to have some potential.
AQ DF  Post #: 4
12/24/2008 14:29:58   
Brynn Summers
Winter-Spring 2009 Honoured Writer


Stromy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Man, I haven't seen you in a long time! How's life? I will start reading your new stuff with the greatest of critiques, my friend.
Post #: 5
12/26/2008 21:33:18   
stromy
Member

Thanks muchly ^_^. I better start working then ;). I've been busy with school and such.
AQ DF  Post #: 6
12/27/2008 17:47:17   
Brynn Summers
Winter-Spring 2009 Honoured Writer


The Guardian Knave
Chapter 1

quote:

He looked up at the finely dressed nobleman.


quote:

He scoffed at the nerve of the boy dressed in filthy, lice-ridden rags.

quote:

“Please, I beg of you, let me have just one coin!” the audacious young man exclaimed as he stood up, grabbing the nobleman’s waist from behind.


quote:

A man who saw everything that had happened smiled from the shadows with approval.

Imo, this was awkward… “known” wasn’t right, and I just couldn’t figure out how it should work otherwise. The bold area is my suggestion, but I leave that up to you, of course.

quote:

Bordering on anger, the leader cut him off, saying, “No harm is to befall the boy!


quote:

“What’re you laughin’ at, Slater?”

quote:

“I showed him, didn’ I?”


quote:

Giving him a crooked-eyed stare as she inspected the silver piece, she asked him, “Tis real innit it?”


quote:

Giving Franca a look of mock affront, Slater replied, as if ashamed at her for accusing him, “Franca, would I ever cheat you?”


quote:

Ye gotta stop stealin’ stuff, Slater. Or ye’ll end up gettin’ yerself in trouble with the Crimson Sleeves.”


quote:

The Crimson Sleeves were to the underbelly of the city as the DeFallow’s were to the good side of the city.

quote:

To some, this tattoo was a sign of utmost honor; to others, it was the vilest thing that could be seen on a human being.

quote:

Franca, as if she knew what he was thinking, shook a finger at him admonishingly, “Don’t ye be gettin’ any grand ideas, Slater.

quote:

Apparently, the sailor had mistaken how willing the girl had been towards his advances.

quote:

The man took pause, even in his drunken stupor he was able to understand what the blade meant.


quote:

Everyone, except Franca because she had seen Slater do things like this more than a few times, just sat stunned whether they were drunk or no.

Imo, it flows better this way. Otherwise the two sentences seemed split in an odd way. But you can rearrange it however you wish or leave it.

Chapter 2

quote:

Slater picked up his pint of mead and washed the pork down, filling his mouth with the cinnamon and honey-flavored mead.


quote:

It wasn’t often cold, so Slater didn’t have to do it too often.


quote:

He’d been trying to steal a loaf of bread, because he hadn’t eaten for three days.


quote:

When he’d tried to swipe the loaf of wheat bread when a crowd came up, the shopkeeper had been watching him with suspicion.


quote:

He was especially excited at what was in store for tonight.

You used “Slater” twice too close together. Imo, change this one to “He” to keep a better flow.

quote:

Not that he minded being clean, he just wanted to be at the gathering on time tonight.


quote:

These meetings were how Slater had learned all that he knew about intellectual topics.


quote:

An unprecedented occurrence was happening; Sir Ulath, the highest advisor to King Demetrius DeFallow the Second, was coming to talk about morality and social issues.


quote:

Slater put on the only clothes he owned which were suitable for such a gathering.

It flows better this way, imo.
Post #: 7
1/8/2010 15:56:53   
stromy
Member

After a good, long time... I actually updated The Guardian Knave. Depending on reader response, I may or may not do so again. So, if you like it, say something. ;)
AQ DF  Post #: 8
1/10/2010 21:18:09   
ringulreith
Member

I love the Guardian Nave. Please do continue, it has lots of potential.

And muchly? ಠ_ಠ
Post #: 9
6/28/2010 5:29:51   
mastin2
Member

Yea. I like it. (I skimmed it mostly, mainly because I remember reading it before. Maybe not all of it, but enough to remember...I like it. )
Post #: 10
7/27/2010 15:49:44   
stromy
Member

At long last. A new chapter has been posted.
AQ DF  Post #: 11
8/3/2010 17:49:06   
stromy
Member

Another new chapter posted.

This one is really short, but I did it this way for a reason.

I'll be posting another new chapter tonight.
AQ DF  Post #: 12
8/3/2010 21:44:25   
stromy
Member

As promised, another new chapter posted. These two together actually make up an average length chapter, but I thought it was better to separate them because of the subject matter.
AQ DF  Post #: 13
8/4/2010 15:35:43   
stromy
Member

More plot progression! Another new chapter posted.
AQ DF  Post #: 14
8/4/2010 16:09:11   
stromy
Member

Look at that! I'm on a roll! Another new chapter posted.
AQ DF  Post #: 15
8/9/2010 14:59:06   
stromy
Member

Chapter 9 has been posted.
AQ DF  Post #: 16
8/16/2010 9:22:30   
stromy
Member

Chapter 10 is in the works right now. I'm trying to get a few details right. I'm having a little bit of difficulty gettng some of the descriptions in place, but I'm confident that I'll figure things out rather soon.
AQ DF  Post #: 17
10/1/2010 14:25:46   
mastin2
Member

Kinda depressing when you have to update your thread and doub-trip-quad-quin-multi-post because nobody else leaves a comment. I think I'll fix that. ;)
(Can't do it right now--running out of time. However, I think I might have access more often in the near-future, so I might read, catch up, and--if I feel I'm up for the challenge--try a critique. )
Post #: 18
1/12/2011 1:18:14   
stromy
Member

Be warned, I am back. I shall be posting forthwith.
AQ DF  Post #: 19
1/15/2011 17:47:01   
stromy
Member

Chapter 10 will be posted after some minor forum difficulties are dealt with.
AQ DF  Post #: 20
1/15/2011 18:50:21   
stromy
Member

All appears to be well... It has been posted.
AQ DF  Post #: 21
1/24/2011 12:10:44   
mastin2
Member

Alright, then, now that you're back, I think I'll start reading. ;)
Post #: 22
3/12/2011 6:30:51   
demolitiondragon
Constructively Friendly!


Just read it.

And just letting you know. =]
Post #: 23
3/15/2012 22:43:20   
stromy
Member

HEY!!!! A post from 3 days ago... And a year.

Anyway... Here's hoping I'll actually be back!!!
AQ DF  Post #: 24
3/19/2012 19:28:03   
stromy
Member

The mood has struck... A new chapter (chapter 11) shall be posted tonight.
AQ DF  Post #: 25
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