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An Seanfháinne — The Old Circle | Discussion

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9/14/2008 15:40:51   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Link to Poetry thread: Here

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 6/27/2024 14:34:06 >

_____________________________
AQ DF  Post #: 1
9/14/2008 15:46:14   
Firefly
Lore-ian
quote:

Guiding me forward to the death I must pay

Umm, do you mean "death" as the grim reaper and you'll have to pay him by dying? In that case, you'll need to perhaps... capitalize "Death"? I get what you're saying, but it's not making the best of grammatical sense. Perhaps "price I must pay" (imagination will tell the audience that it's death). I dunno.

quote:

Turning around to witness... that I am not.

You are not what? I dunno, it sounds nice, but on deeper examination, could it be a forced rhyme?

Otherwise, it was awesome. Don't degrade your poetry abilities. =P Oh, and congratz on the title. ^_^
AQ  Post #: 2
9/14/2008 16:01:56   
Mistermafio
Member

I loved the poem MS.
I think FF got all what I saw. So all I've left to say is that I hope to read more from you soon. ^>^

Keep it on
AQ  Post #: 3
9/14/2008 16:04:33   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 @ Firefly:

1. I didn't mean the Reaper himself, and I do see what you mean— "price" would be better... Fixed!!!

2. It is not a forced rhyme. I used this as the perhaps "unmaking" of a person. You look at an object and say, "This is," or at yourself and say, "I am." The ones who looked saw him and found that he "was not." Does this make sense?

Editing Complete!!!

Thanks for the congratz. I'm very surprised and happy. XD






Okay, I probably should do this:

My first poem is out: Crossroad


Also, I've released a second poem: The Queen


Enjoy!!! ...if that's possible....XD

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 9/14/2008 16:15:38 >
AQ DF  Post #: 4
9/14/2008 18:51:53   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 2. Well, it's grammatically correct, but /what/ aren't you? You're not, but you're not what? Do you get my drift? It's grammatically correct, but it doesn't make sense. Can you explain it to apease my stupidity? =P
AQ  Post #: 5
9/14/2008 20:10:35   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Please, Firefly, you are far from having "stupidity". I did kind of anticipate this potentially causing an issue.

Using "I am not." is a slightly archaic term, not commonly used in today's society, meaning that I don't exist. The people witness me becoming non-existent.
Whether that meant that I died or that by turning around in my life caused me to "undo" myself is up to the reader. I tried to explain that.

Okay, here, let's say that I'm holding a baseball. You can agree that "This is" a baseball. Now, using mystical Celtic strength, I tear the baseball up so it is only a pile of cork, leather, and string. Now you can say that "This is not." a baseball. Do you see what I mean? It's like you are omitting the last part of it... so I'm saying that "I am not" alive, or myself, or whatever.

Does that help?
AQ DF  Post #: 6
9/14/2008 21:45:52   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Yes, makes sense. I got it by the time you said it was archaic. I wasn't raised to understand the cultural aspects of the English language, so the term is unfamiliar to me. Thanks for explaining.
AQ  Post #: 7
9/17/2008 22:21:45   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 I've released a new, short poem... Interdependence


Dig in! XP
AQ DF  Post #: 8
9/21/2008 11:29:53   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 There are two new poems released: Inanimate and also Fraternal

Read them... if you must....
AQ DF  Post #: 9
9/21/2008 12:22:57   
Amboo
October 2008 Poet of the Month...Woot!


 You really embrace the whole Gaelic thing don't you. :P

Anyways My favorite has to be fraternal. You're good with rhyme schemes.

I would love to read more, keep it up.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 10
9/21/2008 13:30:19   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Yes, amboo, the whole thing... wouldn't you? :D

I'm glad you liked Fraternal. It was from an inspiring burst of emotions.

Anyway, thank you for reading these. I guess I'll keep it up, if you like being tortured repeatedly....
AQ DF  Post #: 11
10/5/2008 20:17:22   
.::oDrew
Member

Here's my thoughts on your poetry in a nutshell:

Ditch those horribly suffocating poetic forms, and switch to free verse. You have the vocabulary, vision, and insight to write some brilliant free verse, in my opinion.

_____________________________

we look at the world once, in childhood.
the rest is memory.
Post #: 12
10/5/2008 23:15:28   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Thanks for the nutshelled thought, TEH RAWRZ. I will deeply consider that.


I've now released another poem, The Worst Race.

There's a unique style in it... I think. Anyway....
AQ DF  Post #: 13
10/6/2008 0:20:50   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 I know exactly how you feel. I liked that poem very much, Master S. I hate days like that, but thankfully I know they last but a small amount of time in our lives.

Your poetry is good to read, MS. Thanks for sharing.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 14
4/5/2009 23:44:12   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Another poem is now present: Track'ed Clarification

It was created after an exemplary Track and Field meet I partook in, expressing the unclear emotions I experiences upon and after establishing lifetime PRs in two events I have a strong appreciation towards.
Also, this poem tries to explain that during both of the two events I raced in, I was somehow able to find at least a small amount of the "spark" I have lacked for almost a year.

Enjoy, if you would.
AQ DF  Post #: 15
4/6/2009 20:15:09   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Congratz on the Track and Field meet. Glad to see you coming up with new poems. ;)

While I like the tone and mood, at times, I felt that the poem was a bit... confusing? It's probably just me, but the wording seemed a bit strange, especially in the beginning. "Night a year"? "until draws this calming mind"? Sorry, honestly, I feel like I'm missing something, but it seems to make no sense to me. It got a lot better in the end, though, with the portrayal of doing something beyond what your abilities are supposed to be capable of.
AQ  Post #: 16
4/27/2009 15:04:28   
Helixi
Member

I only skimmed them, but from what I saw, your command of language and imagery is very good.

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:40:15 >
AQ DF  Post #: 17
6/2/2009 16:57:07   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Firefly: Ah! Thank you, immensely, Firefly! :)

To be quite honest, when I wrote/posted that poem, my mind wasn't exactly in its best of states, if you get what I mean. I wrote what I felt and double checked it then to be sure it was good—a silly mistake.
Heh. "Night a year" should have been "Nigh"... and there were indeed a few areas that deserved clarification. I've tried a bit to do so already, and will look at it again later on today.

Helixismycharacter: My thanks to you also, Helixismycharacter. I do think that it's about time for me to try expanding into free verse. And...hmm. Really? Do you think I personally have the ability to produce a good enough poem with a darker theme? You make a good challenge, and I shall see what I can do to meet it. :D

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 6/2/2009 18:16:01 >
AQ DF  Post #: 18
6/5/2009 15:09:44   
Helixi
Member

I do think you have the ability to write dark poetry if you so choose Master Samak. :) I eagerly await your first attempt :D
.


< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:40:52 >
AQ DF  Post #: 19
6/7/2009 3:13:07   
Gianna Glow
Member

those are awesome... and I agree, I think you would do awesome at a free-verse as well. (i give you huge kudos on the rhyming though. i struggle there... ask Euki. My two rhymers were a pain in the butt to write.) Anyways, i was mostly curious about the thread title. what does An Seanfhainne mean? it sounds really cool. (both me and my best friend love Gaelic stuff... and the language... but we dont know how to speak it. i'm planning to try to learn it sometime.)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 20
6/8/2009 1:05:25   
  Master Samak
Productive!
Steward Leprechaun
L&L


 Very well, Helix. :)


And GG, thank you! It's kind of you to say, despite the seemingly badness of each one I've written. Heh...

Ah, and the title. Yes, I'm rather partial to Gaelic/Irish/Celtic in general myself. :D Eh, "An Seanfháinne" more or less translates to "The Old Circle". I, however, chose to change "Old" to "Auld" because of the song I heard titled The Auld Triangle. They essentially are the same but spelled culturally different, in a way.



Alright, well I have two new poems out, but they require explaining.

The first one, If We Must...., was made by me in response to a Language and Composition assignment. It was to follow in some slight measure the poem "If We Must Die" by Claude McKay in 1919. This assignment was quite some time ago this year... so don't judge too harshly. And it is another rhyming one. *Ducks away from Helix and GG*

The second poem, Sixteen Perspective Counter, followed another famous poem for a class assignment: "This Is Just To Say" by William Carlos Williams in 1934. It is intended to be light in nature, as well as be somewhat free styled, so just think about it....

< Message edited by Master Samak -- 6/8/2009 1:10:04 >
AQ DF  Post #: 21
6/8/2009 15:40:31   
BrantePyrus
Member

The more I read in L&L, the more my fellow poets impress me(and cap me.) Bravo. This is nice stuff.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 22
6/8/2009 15:43:28   
Gianna Glow
Member

They're not horrible and stop putting yourself down Samak... you can rhyme! congrats, thats way better than I can do! anyways, mini-rant over...
I do love gaelic stuff. i want to visit Ireland so bad someday... rain and all... but mostly for the horses. they have some amazing cross-country courses over there. I would love to take a crack at them (and potentially crack my skull... hm....). Anyways, i love the title now that i know what it is. "Auld" just sounds so cool! Anyways, I love If We Must. I do think Sixteen Perspective Counter could use a little work...its about Abraham Lincoln, right? the "oh wait..." and the performance bit just left me lost. Other than that, its a good first dabble into free style.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 23
6/8/2009 15:59:36   
Helixi
Member

Ireland is beautiful, and I can speak basic Gaelic. Its a beautiful language and a beautiful country, I can see why you love it so much, Master Samak.



< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 10:41:20 >
AQ DF  Post #: 24
6/16/2009 10:26:21   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 GAH, my Internet has been down four days. e_e At least I had time to read your poetry and write up a comment!

First off, I must congratulate you on the name of your thread. The Auld Triangle is among my favorite songs; while I've not heard the original, Dropkick Murphys' version is really good. ^_^ But on to the actual comment.

Really, you're not a bad poet at all. The main thing I'd suggest is working some on flow: many people (including Shakespeare, I believe) count syllables to establish a certain meter. That's the only thing that I could find "wrong" with your poetry at all. The messages are usually very thought-provoking and intense. In particular, I liked Crossroad, it reminded me of that famous... Frost? poem. The description in the poem is that which most of us have to face, often more than once, at one time or another in life, and it describes them rather well. You write some very powerful lines, such as this one from The Queen: "'I am the voice of the past that will never be!'" Also, If We Must.... was extremely powerful to me. I read it as a call to action, to end the suffering and lack of compassion in the world around us. Beautiful! One question about Sixteen Perspective Counter: Is this about the assassination of Lincoln? It seems to be to me, but I could be wrong.

In sum, I greatly like your poetry. Other than the flow not always being the best and the subjects sometimes seeming rather vague to me, I can't think of any way for you to improve much. Wonderful work!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 25
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