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(DF) The Sweetest Medicine - A Warlic/Hero Fanfic

 
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12/20/2016 17:37:02   
Keridan
Member

Hello there! I've recently posted a story in the DragonFable section in Fanfics, a romance story on Warlic and the Hero! Mostly wrote it for mush, and to be self indulgent, but no worries, the Hero isn't just a self insert; he's his own, fleshed out character.

I'd really appreciate feedback on my story! Anything to improve, what was good, ect!

EDIT: Oh derp, should link the story. Sorry about that. Here ya go! The Sweetest Medicine
AQ DF  Post #: 1
12/28/2016 12:07:16   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


quote:

“Flattering, my dear. But you should know by now, I would’ve understand not seeing your sweet face if it meant you were taking time to recover…”

Understood
quote:

Warlic spoke, not in condemnation, but with hints of worry at his younger lover’s careless disregard of his own personal well being.

Wellbeing/well-being
quote:

And Gren didn’t anticipate falling ill after visiting Dragsvard, but look at him now.

Dragesvard
quote:

It simply mean I am an unpredictable force; you, however, are a dangerous entity in disguise, yearning to break free of that fragile form you’ve taken.

means that
quote:

“Who, me? Never!” the dragon replied jovially, as if the previous conversation in the kitchen <> never occurred.

had
quote:

Once finished, Warlic was shocked to see Gren had rose up from the couch, his bag once more slung over his shoulder.

risen


The story is well-written overall, any problems a reader could have would probably stem from their taste.

I like the descriptive writing. It helps the mind's eye to visualize and gives flavour to the sentences.

If you would like feedback on anything specific I did not mention, be sure to let me know.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
12/31/2016 23:24:41   
Keridan
Member

Ah, I'll work on fixing those mistakes in a moment! Thanks very much for taking the time to list them, it's always the small stuff that seems to evade the eye, even with a look over.

I'm awful at trying to think of what I'd like feedback on specifically, so all I really request is if you have feedback on what you think I did well, what needs improving, and stuff like that.
AQ DF  Post #: 3
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