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An Unlucky Hero
By J. M. Tolan
Today, reader, we have a real treat for you. For, when I first heard my assignment to go forth and write an article on unluckiness and superstition, I knew immediately what I must do. And, after much venturing and several misplaced messenger turtles*, I'm proud to say that I brought you the perfect person to interview on such an occasion:
Mister Ulysses Natalie Lucky is, as you might imagine, quite opinionated on the topic. He's also, for reasons no one's ever been able to figure out, the only person in his entire family to not put a single stat into Luck. I took it upon myself to interview him, to find out why.
Interviewer: Mr. Lucky, though most people don't usually focus on it, luck is generally thought to have some sort of merit as a stat. But I understand you disagree. Can you tell me why?
U. N. Lucky: Bah! Luck! Luck is worthless! All hype and superstition, no foundation in reality. Anyone who puts stats into luck is a fool! It has no effect at all!
Reporter: Um, Mr. Lucky, I'm afraid this simply isn't true. The effect of luck has been noted by many heroes, in and out of battles. They maintain it does have an effect, and can be quite significant, if worked enough.
U. N. Lucky: Who are you going to believe, some random adventurers hanging around Falconreach, or a guy with the word right in his name? My family wrote the book on luck, and I'm here to tell you, it's all a hoax!
Reporter: But Mr. Lucky, the rest of your family maintains that luck is a very important stat. They themselves use luck-heavy builds. They claim to enjoy generally better-than-average conditions, can that life seems better in "lots of little ways?"
U. N. Lucky: Exactly! That's what they say! And I'm here to tell you they're lying! They're just optimists, the whole lot of them; they've never tried using a different stat, so they assume all the good things that happen to them are because of their luck, not that they're just ignoring all the bad that happens to them.
Reporter: But Mr. Lucky, many people have accused your position of being based largely, not on facts or observation, but on feelings of spite and revenge toward your family, particularly your father, for giving you the middle name of Natalie.
Regretfully, this fascinating interview was cut short as Mr. Lucky promptly pursued me, brandishing his sign, yelling "I TOLD YOU NOT TO TALK ABOUT THAT! COME BACK HERE YOU MANGY CUR!"
Still, an insight into the mind of a man who has never put a stat into luck. I hope this interview has been as exciting to you as it was to me!**
______________________________
* No messenger turtles were harmed in the making of this article. We think. Hopefully.
** Minus the yelling. And the being chased by an angry warrior. And the bruises.
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