Argeus the Paladin
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Third (technically second) chapter up. Total word count to date: ~11800 words. I guess I need to SPEED UP. @ LK: quote:
My only comment with this is that the dialogue between the two guys in Chapter 1 was a tad too long. I guess it's okay since the purpose of NaNoWriMo was to write novel length stories but reading all those paragraphs in front of a screen isn't as gripping as reading it on a real book; especially if you have an entire chapter devoted to two people talking casually in a single location without much action or movement- A Bottle Episode as TV tropes calls it. But it does work as a quick glimpse into the setting. I guess that's my style, for better or worse. The actiony part only comes after I've properly explained the background, which, given my worldbuilding, can take ages. If I am to fix this up for publication I might need to mend that. quote:
By the way, I googled the Holy Kommenian Empire and found nothing about it. Did you make it up or perhaps it's a reference to the Holy Roman Empire? I've thought up of an alternative-history timeline for this faction, something that is admittedly too large for this post. In a nutshell, the Black Vampire faction's current ruling house traces its root back to the Komnenid Dynasty of the Byzantine Empire, at which point their patriach married a semi-legitimate daughter of Manuel I Komnenos, became a major aristocrat and was granted a sizable Pronoia. The vampire ruling family remained Byzantine nobles until the fall of Constantinople, at which point they migrated up north, fought off werewolves and papal agents for a while, before settling down and setting up shop in an elaborate underground city underneath Bucharest. The two most important implications of this is that the vampires in my setting never ceased seeing themselves as the legitimate successors of the Byzantine Empire and the Komnenid dynasty in particular - hence the name and their embrace of late Byzantine culture - and that they are, unlike popular opinion, Orthodox Christians rather than satanists. quote:
Seeing as our 90 (+ 30+ whatever year he was born) year old Vampire aristocrat bears a Polish name. Two things: (i) You're probably confusing Julian and Wladislaw. The guy who appeared in the prologue is Julian, and Wladislaw does not appear until chapter 1, and (ii) My vampires are quite young chronologically. Julian is at most around the 70-75 mark, while Wladislaw is about a decade give or take a couple years younger, since he was a baby when his dad was away in the border skirmishes of 1950s. Hermann is slightly older, but ignore him. He's not known for acting his age except in a pinch. Then again, Emperor Ioannes Sigismund Komnenos was born in the 1840s, which put him in mid-to-late middle age. quote:
And speaking of setting, Istanbul?! It's the cursed Ottoman Turks and their blasted Bombards! Quick, send in the Uhlans to route their artillery! Their cannons won't be firing a single cannon ball today if I can help it. Not going to happen. My characters refer to Constantinople as the capital of the Byzantine Empire rather than the Ottomans. Also, in regard of my newest chapter: quote:
However, there was one particular item he would not leave behind at any cost. At the back of the locker there was a single silver dagger. At first sight, it seemed to be an article more suitable for an aristocrat’s silverware collection than combat, what with its having an ornately decorated hilt and guard, a velvet-coated scabbard and – as he picked up and unsheathed it – a delicate, slender blade that threatened to break with the least of manhandling. And yet Wladislaw could vouch himself as to how durable that blade actually was, as well as how combat-worth it would prove even in the heat of battle as a killing weapon. His father before him had used it to take many a werewolf lives back in the border wars of the fifties of the previous century. And now that he was but an old and paralytic old noble on his porch back in their family holding in Poland, the duties fell on Wladislaw’s shoulders. Question: Is Wladislaw going to turn into WLADISLAW? Answer: spoiler:
HA HA HA NO. Someone other than him will, though.
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