Rainbow Connection C&C (Full Version)

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Shreder -> Rainbow Connection C&C (10/12/2010 5:38:54)

So I wrote a new prose short story, which is a rare occurrence for me, and I thought I'd go ahead and post it here. Keep in mind that I consider poetry my specialty, prose has never been something I considered myself good at. Therefore, I greatly welcome any C&C people would happen to have. Thanks.

Here is a link to the story: http://forums2.battleon.com/f/fb.asp?m=18218533



Hallie Slidepath -> RE: Rainbow Connection C&C (10/13/2010 10:40:34)

I think it's good. It's very sweet. One thing that felt a little out of line was how openly the EMT spoke about the dad's condition with the kid. The main character still feels kind of young, since the school is mentioned, and bluntly stating to a quite young person that his/her father might die somehow didn't feel very real. If anything I think it would be more likely for them to try to convince the kid that the dad will be alright.
But yeah, that's just a thought. I really liked the story, and I really like the song in it too ^^



Shreder -> RE: Rainbow Connection C&C (10/13/2010 20:54:30)

Eh, I imagined the main character being in late middle school/early high school, and if I were the EMT I'd be honest with a kid that age...

Anyways, thanks for stopping by. [;)]



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