RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (Full Version)

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Glais -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (5/5/2019 23:59:57)

Huh, well you've got a keener eye for Lore than I do, I did as much digging as I could a while back and never found anything that stuck out to me as what the Triad could be.

Regarding the armors and art-changes, I think there's some options to go for how you want to explain that. For Paladin art for example, you could fall back on the fact that many Paladins appear in cutscenes wearing the old armor, even in quests that were made after the art-update. I personally use this to justify that armor of Paladins of a certain rank or such, with Artix being higher up and having different armor. The same could be said about that warrior armor, though writing the protagonist in general I think you can blur the lines of appearance as in-canon nothing about the player is supposed to be defined anyway, and we do technically still have access to the old versions of those armors.

Either of those options I don't feel would remove the integrity of how true the story is to DF, as the art for those armors is embedded in background characters and cutscenes as it is, making them pretty consistent with the presentation of the game.




Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (5/29/2019 18:00:42)

What are your thoughts on using the old Paladin skills? Are they still available?

In any case, I'll have to hit my stride again. So it may be a bumpy road ahead. I hope not, but it is something to take into consideration. My aim will be to reach the point where I would say that most of the pieces fall into their place which I estimate to be 5-10 chapters.

The backstory really spans 7 years when Dragonfable finally begins and at that point, which I laid out as my current goal, we will not even be a couple of weeks in. (If we don't consider the first 10 years which we did not really see.)

Beyond that point it'd be incredibly complicated, even with time-skips, and I haven't thought enough about that part of the story where everything is perfectly engraved in my memory.

I mean, I have thought out the backstory of the "main villain" and I can recite it pretty much from memory alone. Same goes for the character motivations for all of the other characters (which I envisioned to be part of the story).




Glais -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (5/30/2019 3:03:48)

Technically I suppose they'd be non-canon, but if I were in your position and wanted to use any of them I think there's a few ways to rationalize it. Mainly, if taken realistically, there is likely a breadth of skills Paladins practice that can't be simplified into 14 game mechanics. Additionally, the skills of the AQ and DF Paladins, which should be more or less the same kinds of Paladins, are not all that similar, yet none invalidates the other. Ash has also gone on record about Paladin Orders not being unified (I assume you know about this but I'm linking it for convenience). That gives you a lot of leeway to include skills that may have been left by the wayside as the game progressed.

If I understood you correctly, we only got weeks into a 7 year story? There's a lot to look forward to in that, especially in terms of the cast evolving (I don't know how it took me this long to realize who Volu was for instance). Tackling the bumps and complications is perhaps the most fun part though. I've scrapped almost everything but the fundamentals of my old story, and at least to me it's a lot more coherent and enjoyable because of it. The constant process of refining and building lets you come up with new solutions to plot you may not have been able to in years past.




Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (5/30/2019 16:23:05)

I did know about the multiple Paladin Orders (that is actually a plot point to explain the difference between AQ/DF Paladin armours), but I did not have the location of the quote in my mind.

Biggest thing is, do we know where the Temple of Light is located to which Lady Celestia is affiliated (as said by the Priests of the Temple of the Four Winds)? Throughout my different sources there are multiple temples to the Elemental Lords. I mean, she is sort of retired in my story to explain why we never see her in said Temple of Light. However, the actual Temple should still be around.

Last time I checked we were on day 3, there will be one week of training, then there will be the travel time to the capital.

I am not sure that you understand just how vast this project would be. There are 75 non-original characters on my old list of those to star in my "complete" backstory and I think that I may exceed those, unless I'd seriously cut back on the fat.

Of those which are not yet in the story already there are 6 of those who must star and 3 who are already in a written chapter.




Glais -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (6/5/2019 13:38:58)

How many original characters do you have planned to be of focus? Just curious what the ratio is.

As for the Light Temples, I'm not aware of any of their locations being specified in DF, and I haven't played enough of AQ to know if it ever alluded to one (though given you know quite a lot about its lore, I'm assuming they didn't).




Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (6/23/2019 12:29:27)

I think around ten.

I use Falerin's L&L works for my story, in which there is a temple district in Neld. In AdventureQuest (canon) there is one abandoned Temple of Light which was used to seal away the Solaris set and a (shared?) Temple which was abandoned "recently" in the game.




Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (6/25/2019 14:35:53)

I released the Bonus chapter.

It is the least that I could do for a faithful reader.




Glais -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (8/17/2019 15:34:13)

Greatly appreciated. Sorry that it's taken so long to get back to you, have been busy with college and family.
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This time would be no different, probably there was some sort of monster up there.

The wording here seems a little awkward, I'd suggest "most likely" or "there was probably" instead of just "probably" or a similar transition.
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Despite what he had thought< , > the rocks falling down troubled him more than the height.

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Heavily breathing< , > he now looked over the evergreen forests, spotting the local bandit camp on the horizon as his hands held tight to cracks in the rocky wall at his back.

There are some tense disagreements here which can alter how naturally the sentence reads. I think the simplest fix would be to have the opening something like "he breathed heavily and looked...and spotted the local bandit camp". The rest can be kept in present tense because the timing of it is after the aforementioned actions.
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carefully letting his fingers slide over the sturdy stone

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He could feel the cracks, the foliage that grew on or through the stone, the compression that had shaped this mountain< ; > he thought he even could sense a faint sensation while going over a smooth surface.

Incredibly optional, I just thought with how complete the second half/idea of the sentence is a semicolon could work.
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He let those thoughts slide and saw some thunderheads< , > giving off a golden glow by the rising sun< , > float by, paying the lone climber little interest as they went about their way.

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while getting a clear image of the world around him, the mountain, no the image the mountain perceived of the world while standing still.

Found this section a little difficult to understand, I think just removing "The Mountain" would help make it a little clearer and tie-in the image Azer is seeing to be the image the mountain "sees".
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All while he felt the odd sensation on several other times and saw vulture-like creatures circling him from the corner of his eyes.

Not quite sure what sensation this is referring to.
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By the time Azer had reached a plateau< , > the sun had crept along the heavens to shine with all of it's splendour on the stone, heating it up.

its
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The figure was tall and skinny, where grey-greenish feathers did not cover you could see a tanned skin that barely covered any flesh.

I think this could either be two separate sentences or just joined by "and" rather than the comma to keep the two ideas related if you like.
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Still< , > the tail and the manner the figure held it's hybrid wing-arms had something regal to it.

Believe there should be a phrase such as "with which" after "the manner", as otherwise it reads is the figure is holding "the manner", even though the context makes it easy to understand that's not the case.
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"Does he now?"

"I'll tell you what, should he succeed in defeating my other recruits I'll let him join."

Both of these are the Theemis' quotes correct? The separate paragraph made it seem like there was another speaker.
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It wasn't before long till the screech was responded by half a dozen soaring Theemises who landed in a straight line on the platform, though none of them were as big as the Soaring Theemis who gave out orders.

Should be "responded to" or "met with" or something similar.
Would also just change this to "one" or "he" to reduce redundancy, as you have already referred to soaring Theemises just before this.
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He seemed off< , > unlike the others he wore a helmet.

Should be "and" or a semicolon as you have two complete ideas on either side of the comma (I think "and" is a more natural transition in this case though, as the semicolon would imply the helmet is directly related to him being "off", though that is not really apparent for any reason beyond the Captain Falcon reference).
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Azer assumed battle formation, holding the back of the blades against his wrists while his right arm acted as the guard for his front and his left arm for the guard of his back.

For fluency I think this might be better served as two sentences, ending the first after "Wrists". I don't think it's necessarily an incorrect sentence in structure, but due to the use of arm positioning so many times in the same sentence, it can be a little confusing upon first read.
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Then< , > as he slightly

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Feather now too choose to test her luck

Chose
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though not as spectacularly as Feather

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Falconpunch readied another attack, which would hit him in the back with a chance of him breaking his spine.

Believe the "him" here is unnecessary and confuses the sentence a little. Optional, the first him could be substituted with "Azer"
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Azer's arms were torn open and blood was flowing freely< , > three of his challengers had been defeated and three more had to be dealt with.

No need for the comma, these are two complete sentences on their own.
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heap that consisted of the two knocked out bodies< , > he was cut off again and again

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He decided it was of no use to try it like this and waited, this time Feather struck him from behind and tore his back open.

Two separate ideas again, semicolon could also fit however in order to relate the strike to Azer's deliberation.
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Running seemed to do little good either, so he made a run for it.

Why is he running if he just said it would do little good?
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Eagle Eye spotted his movement and dove at him, just as she was about to knock him down he flung an Earth sphere at her which made her come down like a brick.

Two complete ideas. Just curious is the Earth sphere a magical attack?
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They both cried in pain and briefly they were enraged enough to carve into solid stone, then they both collapsed in pain.

Don't quite understand why they were carving into stone if their hands were mangled and they were unable to stand. If it is meant to be an anlogy it's a little vague as it's using similar terminology to the rest of the fight (we know they're fighting among stones, Theemises use carving etc.)
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After that he sat down and closed his eyes< , > his magic might heal wounds but replenish blood it could not.

Semicolon may be appropriate

Anyhow, I'm glad to have finally gotten to see the bonus chapter, and it's good to see Azer demonstrating some quick thinking and fighting ability as well. I'm surprised the Mage and Theemis were so ready to have him mangled though, and wonder what the overarching goal the two of them had in arranging this. Hope to see more from you soon.




Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (8/25/2019 16:51:18)

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The wording here seems a little awkward, I'd suggest "most likely" or "there was probably" instead of just "probably" or a similar transition.

Changed to "there probably was".

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I think the simplest fix would be to have the opening something like "he breathed heavily and looked...and spotted the local bandit camp". The rest can be kept in present tense because the timing of it is after the aforementioned actions.

He breathed heavily and looked .... and saw the local bandit camp as his hands held on tight to cracks in the rocky wall at his back.

Like that?

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Heavily breathing, he now looked over the evergreen forests, spotting the local bandit camp on the horizon as his hands held tight to cracks in the rocky wall at his back.


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Incredibly optional, I just thought with how complete the second half/idea of the sentence is a semicolon could work.

I am honestly not familiar enough with the semicolon as I hardly ever use it.

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Found this section a little difficult to understand, I think just removing "The Mountain" would help make it a little clearer and tie-in the image Azer is seeing to be the image the mountain "sees".

Removed for now.

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Not quite sure what sensation this is referring to.

I don't know if we'll ever get to the part of the story that will. I was going for a slow burn.

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its

Fixed.

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I think this could either be two separate sentences or just joined by "and" rather than the comma to keep the two ideas related if you like.

It might just be me, but it reads like too many "ands" in short succession.

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Believe there should be a phrase such as "with which" after "the manner", as otherwise it reads is the figure is holding "the manner", even though the context makes it easy to understand that's not the case.

Fixed.

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Both of these are the Theemis' quotes correct? The separate paragraph made it seem like there was another speaker.

Added a little bit, tell me if it makes things better.

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Should be "responded to" or "met with" or something similar.

Fixed.

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Would also just change this to "one" or "he" to reduce redundancy, as you have already referred to soaring Theemises just before this.

I was going for "Soaring" being a title.

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For fluency I think this might be better served as two sentences, ending the first after "Wrists".

What would you propose for the second sentence then?

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Why is he running if he just said it would do little good?

It has been years since I wrote this and this is a moment contained within this chapter, so I don't really know my reasoning from back then. From what I can gather, "running" either means fleeing or it is a "Damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.

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Just curious is the Earth sphere a magical attack?

Yes. It is an ability from AdventureQuest's Mage-class.

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Don't quite understand why they were carving into stone if their hands were mangled and they were unable to stand. If it is meant to be an anlogy it's a little vague as it's using similar terminology to the rest of the fight (we know they're fighting among stones, Theemises use carving etc.)



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I'm surprised the Mage and Theemis were so ready to have him mangled though, and wonder what the overarching goal the two of them had in arranging this.

Did you miss the part where Azer got his body broken by ogres to toughen him up? This is just part of the course to prepare him for the "real" world. In particular, this was meant to be the training to explain why the player character could jump so high (if Dragonfable's warrior can still do that).

It really depends on how much you visit in terms of how much motivation I can work up. You should prioritize college and family, I completely understand that. It's just that I'm no longer really writing this story for myself because I know in general terms where it goes.

NOTE: Due to being logged out while editing, fixes will be made after this post goes live.




Glais -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (9/13/2019 2:57:23)

While I was certainly glad to read this, I definitely wouldn't want you to continue pretty much for the sake of one reader. I primarily commented again out of nostalgia and really wasn't expecting there to be any more of this story (wasn't even sure if you still used the forum). I recently became a father so that's where much of my time is spent now and as such I'd hardly be a consistent reader regardless lol




Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood (9/15/2019 18:06:37)

Congratulations on becoming a father. Am I correct in that you have picked up Dragonfable again?

It's mainly about the discussion and engagement.

Like say, I envisioned Swordhaven (I don't know if AQW had introduced the city when visualizing it) as having a giant cathedral. You could point out that the palace/castle of King Alteon can be seen from afar and that it clearly would not be canon.




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