RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography

RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (Full Version)

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bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/8/2011 18:42:30)
Found some mistakes.

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/8/2011 18:56:47)
@bsteiny16: And that is why you're my proof-reader. [:)] Edit: Don't you mumble at me!!!!! Ten laps, around the Knight Castle. Now!

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/8/2011 18:58:59)
Exactly.....wait.....what? I thought I'm your second in command and friend? Not a proof reader! Mumble Proof Reader.....Yeah....like that'll happen...... Mumble Edit: NEVER!!!!!!! Runs away screaming like a little boy in a "Temper-tantrum"

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/8/2011 19:31:49)
I like the newest part.

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/8/2011 19:46:57)
Don't double post!!!! Universal ruleesssssss... GO!

D1F3Forum -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 15:28:47)
@Necro: 10 bucks says u kill off Mushroom man... Anyway, I like what you did...LOADS of mistakes... quote: “Isn’t it wonderful?” Nesanel said, not a question, more like a demand. This should be more like: ""Isn't it wonderful?" Nesanel said. It wasn't as much of a question as it was a statement/demand. Use whichever word you prefer, though the proper term would be statement as a demand is "YOU KNOW THIS AXE IS WONDERFUL!!!" lol [;)] Another one: quote: “You can come with me.” Gavon removed his hand, seeing the young boy’s discomfort. “Today, and possible for a while, I travel to the surface.” “Would you like to journey with me?” Gavon saw Faust’s eyes light up. He nodded. “Then let us return to my group!” Gavon and Faust bounded over the stone spears. 1) "Possible" is actually spelled possibly 2) This section should be more like: ""You can come with me." Gavon removed his hand at the sight of the boys discomfort. "Today, and possibly for a while, I travel to the surface. Would you like to journey with me?" Gavon questioned. Faust's eyes lit up at the words and nodded almost immediately. "Then let us return to the group!" Gavon and Faust bounded over the stone spears on route back toward the group. Just some proof reading there!!! Anyway, I love how this story is coming along. Oh and I might want to kick u out of the clan for what you just did...[;)] Keep up the good work!!!

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 21:44:27)
It really is. And I beat the boss fight in the war. Took me 1 try, and 10 minutes. Each of them had 1,900 health, so you can imagine how much it took to beat them. :D

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 22:27:47)
Found some things that I would REALLY want changed: quote: “I am Nesanel Wolfblade, descendant of the ancient Wolfblade family!” Nesanel shouted his voice sounded clear and strong. He pumped the illuminating object into the air. Descendant of the ancient Wolfblade family? What kind of a 14 year old would say that? Just try "I am Nesanel Wolfblade!!!" quote: Its head was gold with a hint of orange Nah. Try instead "It's head was gold, and when you held it, it felt like holding pure light." I came up with that after reading that sentence over.

D1F3Forum -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 22:33:49)
Mehehe...the royal proof reader makes good comments!!! Yeah those make perfect sense!!! ...Necro...fix what I clarified...sorta...lol

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 22:37:13)
Royal? My MQ guy was a decendant of the Wolfblades, and My DF guy was named after him. Yes, they are both very powerful.

D1F3Forum -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 22:44:17)
@Necro: Can you plz not make Vae'n sound so wierd...and my idea would be that Vae'n is standing at the opening of the tunnel and captures you or one of my Ambassadors takes you back to the Nation... Either way, you're not getting away with this!!! @bsteiny: Idk...it sounds royal...a descendant of the Wolfblades...

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 22:47:17)
Yeah, but it sounds weird. I wouldn't say that. It....it just sounds too royal. Necro, make me sound less royal and more like a regular person starting from the next part of the story.

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/9/2011 23:40:26)
Yes, master bsteiny... @D1F3: Don't bet on cute little mushroom-man's lives!!! Maybe now I will have to change the story, just to prove you wrong... Typity type type...

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/10/2011 0:21:06)
Hmph. Well, could you change everything that I suggested? And about me acting too royal...that has to go. It's getting annoying and face it: Even YOU wouldn't talk like that.

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/11/2011 11:33:01)
@D1F3: Of course I am not getting away with this... HA. HA. HAHAHAHAHAAA!!

D1F3Forum -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/11/2011 17:40:19)
@Necro: So I WAS right!!! Muahahahaha!!!! And you're right!!! No getting away from this one!!! [:D]

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/11/2011 17:48:54)
I got a clan....yay..... Whistles

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/14/2011 12:52:01)
A new (Long) post is up! Who has died? Or are they really dead? Find out the answers now! (Except for the answer to the second question!)

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/15/2011 8:04:28)
quote: The group had ridden the Route Slider for a good half-hour, and now all of their arms felt like they had broken, and then broken a few more times. Lol. I cracked up at this. Also, let me just use my axe from now on. Not counting from all the other parts till this new one. I mean starting right after this part of the story. How about I drop the Blade of Twilight off a cliff somewhere and it shatters into 3 pieces: "The Golden Twilight" "The Silver Twilight" and "The Bronze Twilight". But we recover them sometime later. How's that? :D

D1F3Forum -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/15/2011 14:05:19)
@bsteiny: You are REALLY pushing the envelope now!!! lol I think your suggestion is pretty hilarious!!! @Necro: I have to admit that this was pretty well done... I saw a few mistakes (Mostly wording), but all in all it was pretty fair!!! I have ONE suggestion for you... Instead of saying "said" after every quote, switch it up... In my story I use stated, spat, exclaimed, questioned, replied, and finally said (But only if I don't feel any of those other words work)... That's all for my critiques!!! All be here all week!!! [:D]

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/17/2011 11:11:21)
@D1F3: I really try to do that, but I forgot alot. Thanks though!

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/19/2011 8:50:20)
Oh yeah, and I get the Blade of Awe in the future, just so you know. Yup, My AQ guy is much more powerful than my DF guy. He's an UltraGuardian!!!! :P (Same person, just at 22 instead of 17. Remember: Artix said that it's 5 years from DF's time....)

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/19/2011 11:54:04)
@bsteiny: You keep making your guy more and more overpowered, so I don't think I am going to include the Blade of Awe in my story.

bsteiny16 -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/19/2011 14:49:38)
No, no, no. I don't want the BoA in the story! I'm just bragging that I have it in 5 years. :D Now am I clearer?

3 Vandoren -> RE: Gavon Felarian: A Biography (7/23/2011 19:01:32)
Sorry about the lack of new posts, I have been busy with family things, but I am free now. So maybe now we will get to see some new posts!!!!!!!!

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