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Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (DF) The Tale of the Evil Knight (DF) (3/8/2013 15:36:27)
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quote:
His mother, Gloria<> was a Guardian, and his father, Joseph, a Dragonlord.
,
quote:
Agathor is just about ready to leave for an adventure, when a tall, dark figure arrived at his home one night.
was
quote:
When he entered the living room, he seen his mother dead on the floor, and his father being killed by this dark figure.
saw
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Agathor had gone to the Guardian Tower, to his parent's funeral.
parents'
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After a full days walk, Agathor, Hugo, and Sven made it to a safe spot to set up camp for the night.
day's
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They were very close to <> the challenge of making it to the stranger,
completing
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It has been 3 days since Agathor was brought to the Inn, and Silnior has found out everything Agathor has.
had
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Silnior was frightened to see the path that Agathor took.
by, had taken
quote:
Agathor seen this
saw
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Thats when Agathor put the armor on.
That was
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After he got there, he seen that there was a dark necromancer and an army of undead attacking.
saw
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Sneeking up to the Necromancer, Unsheathing Agathor's Excalibur, and cast an evil spell onto it.
Sneaking, unsheathing
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He explained that Agathor did a great job, and that he agrees that he should use this armor when he fights Zephyr <>.
agreed, fought, again
First up, Vilmor is the only dragonlord known to have bonded with a Great Elemental Dragon.
The story itself feels a bit bland. You need to put more detail into your descriptions about what happens. As it is it is very hard to get a sense of immersion, as a reader I was constantly aware of the fact that I was reading a story. A good example of this would be this.
quote:
Using his powers, he practiced for a couple hours.
That doesn't tell me a lot. You need to give your readers something for them to visualize.
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