DoomWood Saga [Requesting Critique] (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> [The Workshop] >> The Work Table



Message


Zereldo -> DoomWood Saga [Requesting Critique] (4/3/2013 0:33:55)

Just before you read i need to explain a couple of things. I wrote this well over a year ago now before Doomwood chapter 2 came out, so if possible please read this as if it were a direct sequel to Doomwood chapter one and that the events of chapter 2 also had no happened. Secondly the intention was that this could slip in before whatever Artix had planned for Doomwood chapter 2. This is why key characters such as Vordred and Vayle were not included. With that in mind please proceed. and thank you for your time in advance.



Doomwood Chapter 1.5

Letter to the Hero from Lightguard keep

“Hero as you know there is a shortage of Paladins since Vordred decimated our order. Our Paladins in training have risen to the challenge and we are in the process of re-establishing our order, however they remain inexperienced. If it were not for the alliance with the ShadowScythe we would have faced our end. Their inexperience is apparent, an undead presence has been felt which no one can identify. In this time of uncertainty we are taking no risks. We are asking for both you and Artix to make your way to Doomwood and eradicate this potential threat. Please help us

~Lady Speedstyx”

Lady Speedstyx: Welcome back to Lightguard Keep Hero, Artix is on his way. He’s a little “pre occupied”

Hero: Preoccupied?

Lady Speedstyx: Yes, thanks to the Alliance we now have necromancers in the keep to help reinforce it and they are able to raise the dead for new paladins to train on. Artix is giving a demonstration to the newer Paladins with a particularly nasty undead.

Hero: So this undead presence you mentioned in the letter, no one can identify it?

Lady Speedstyx: No one has the experience. There is no living Paladin around who has encountered it before thanks to Vordred. We suspect it's able to mask its signature slightly.

Martin: Its obvious.
It’s Artix.

Lady Speedstyx: Don’t be absurd

Martin: I can feel it. Ever since he has been back in Doomwood the presence has been stronger. He is the champion of darkness. How can he be trusted as a Paladin?

Artix: Because I was raised as a Paladin not knowing I was the champion of darkness.

Lady Speedstyx: Artix is the most experienced Paladin alive, you have no right to question him Martin.

Martin: Your trust is misplaced.

Lady Speedstyx: That is enough. Leave now.

Hero: Is he the only one like this?

Lady Speedstyx: Sadly there are others like him. Artix is the only remaining member of the old order and none of the newer Paladins know of him well. They fear his dark power, and this new threat does not help in easing their concerns. I’d like the two of you to investigate the undead threat.

Artix: Sure, whatever it takes to restore the order.

Hero: I think I have a better Idea.

I’ll investigate the threat by myself. Artix can stay behind and train the new Paladins to earn their trust.

And if it comes to it he will be here to defend the keep.

Lady Speedstyx: So be it. Eradicate the threat if you can, but be sure to at least identify it.

Artix: Good luck Hero, and thanks.

Hero: I’ll be back soon Artix. After dealing with Vordred together I’m sure we can sort out doomwood again. This should be no problem.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noxus: Let me out of this bag RIGHT NOW!!!!!

Hero: Um hi Noxus... I ahh... well I forgot you were in there.

Noxus: You begin to assume that when endless number of items and gold peices are dropped on you.

Hero: So what do you want? to say hi? I’m sort of on a mission.

Noxus: Yes I know. I can hear everything from in there and I’m trying to warn you.

Hero: Warn me? Warn me about what?

Noxus: That undead presence, it’s the presence of Death Knights.

Hero: Ok then, let’s go end them.

Noxus: You don’t understand do you? A death knight is a person of such strong power that in death they have maintained consciousness and control over their form. They have either surrendered themselves to darkness, or become overwhelmed by it. Many control vast legions of undead.

Hero: You seem to know a lot about this.

Noxus: Of course I do, I was once headmaster of the necropolis and some of my best students became death knights later on in their careers. You can’t just end them.

Hero: You just watch me. You’re going back into the bag for now.

Noxus: Hero trust me, you’ll need the power of a DoomKnight to defeat a Death Knight.

Hero: Well If I cannot confront them directly I should at least identify them. Do you mind giving me a hand with that?

Noxus: I’m a skull on a staff hero, I couldn't give you a hand If I wanted too... But it’ll give me something to do and you do NEED the help.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hero: Where did they go? They we just there a sec....

Ali: We’ve got him

Marcus: We finally have Artix in our hands. The plan is near completion. Send word to the others to ready the ritual.

Ali: Yes sir

Marcus: Before he knows it Artix will be a Death Knight whether he wants to or not.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus: Artix, I’m sorry it had to come to this but you left me no choice.

Hero: *Mumbles* Mmmmmmmmmmm

Marcus: Ali can you take that bag of his head.

Ali: Yes Sir.

Marcus and Ali: WHO ARE YOU!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Hero: I am the Hero and ahh..... This is Noxus.

Marcus: The Hero, as in THE HERO? The one who has been defeating the chaos lords and helped Artix defeat Vordred.

Hero: Yes.

Ali: Well that would account for the powerful presence we felt.

Marcus: And Noxus for the dark power. Hero we are sorry you got caught up in this but we needed to capture Artix to transform him into a DEATHKNIGHT!

Hero: NO!!!!!!!

Ali: You don’t understand, you see we are Holy Death Knights.

Marcus: Many of us are Fallen Paladins who gave into darkness at death but kept fighting it until our inner light won.

Hero: So why do you want Artix? Surly being former Paladins you’d want him to stay a Paladin?

Marcus: Artix as you know is the champion of darkness. Yet he has no idea how to use his dark powers.

Ali: We are wielders of light and darkness, yet we are not overtaken by it.

Marcus: If Artix were to become one of us he would gain the ability to use his powers as the champion of darkness without being overtaken by darkness.

Ali: He could save Doomwood and potentially lore

Hero: There are just two problems with that plan.

Ali and Marcus: And they are?

Hero: Artix would never allow that.

Marcuss: And the second?

Hero: While you were talking I had Noxus gnaw on the ropes *stands up and draws weapon* and now that I am free I can warn Artix once I battle my way through you.

Noxus: Hero wait...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Hero goes on to Battle Ali and Marcus several times to no avail.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noxus: They reform whenever you defeat them, you can’t win.

Death knight: Sir the unholy Death Knights are here and they have many undead amongst them.

Marcus: Hero we can continue this later. You may fight alongside us if you wish. We need every available man. Ali, please watch over him.

Hero: Ah?

Ali: Hero come with me.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ali: There’s no point tying you up. You can’t escape us.

Hero: So who were they?

Marcus: The unholy Death knights.

They seek to transform Artix into a Death knight as well. However they seek to use him as a mindless undead puppet.

Hero: Look Artix and I are good friends I’d like to join you in battle against the unholy Death Knights. I’d rather he fall into your hands then theirs.

Ali: No offense heroes but you’ve fought us yourself and know our power. Fighting them would be useless unless you were a Death Knight.

Noxus: Well that can be arranged.

Marcus: The hero is not dead, nor does he have a connection with the darkness realm. He cannot be transformed.

Noxus: Your right, but he was undead once. Transformed by Vordred.

Ali: So it might be possible?

Noxus: I was headmaster of the Necropolis, I am familiar with the implications of this sort of anomaly.

Marcus: If you’re that confident we’ll get the temple ready.

Hero: For what?

Noxus: Transforming you into a Death Knight.


------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artix: The hero should have returned by now... I... I can’t leave him out there, not after all he has done for me.

*Artix Leaves in search of the hero*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hero: What is this place?

Marcus: This is a long forgotten paladin temple over run by the darkness. However light still resides in this long abandoned place.

A death Knight conversion ritual requires darkness, but the light here is what will prevent you from succumbing to it… Hopefully.

Hero: So I’ll be fine? I won’t end up possessed by darkness?

Noxus: Being transformed to an undead has unlocked something within you, a mark on your soul. It is this mark that allows someone to become a Death Knight.

You possess this mark and are still living and so will be the first known living Death Knight.

Ali: The power of a DeathKnight without being dead or controlled by the darkness. Many have lost themselves seeking such a thing.

Marcus: This may persuade Artix to transform willingly. At the least we will be able to better battle the unholy Death Knights and this will give you an edge against chaos.

Noxus: Time is of the essence. The unholy Death Knights may return at any moment. You ready the ritual while I guide the hero as to what he should gather.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noxus: Hero I have a question for you.... about the alliance.

Hero: Shoot?

Noxus: Do you really believe in it, that is can work?

Hero: *chooses from Below*

*Yes, wholeheartedly*
*No but Alteon Does and I trust his judgment*
*No but Gravelyn Does and I trust her judgment*
*No but it is the only chance we have to stop chaos*

Noxus: I see.

Hero: Any particular reason you bring it up?

Noxus: I’ve been in your inventory a long time hero. I have watched you fight and have had time to think things over.

I like to be on the winning side and against all logic, especially after what I have seen, that seems to be you. You’re with the alliance, so I think I will be also.

Hero: Any ally is welcome and I’ll put in a good word for you. Your help here has been, well helpful.

Noxus: Thank you hero but our job here is not done.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*The hero steps into he middle of the stone circle. A whirlwind of mostly darkness envelops him, but the whirlwind has a few small strands of light. The whirlwind suddenly disappears*

Hero: It worked. I’m a Death Knight. *Ability to earn Death Knight Class Unlocked*

Marcus: Yes I can feel your presence. You are now one of us and we can begin our attack.

*Not to far off*

Artix: The undead presence I can sense is stronger, it has been unmasked.

IT’S A DEATH KNIGHT. The hero is in danger... That death knight is as good as dead... AGAIN!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Leaving the temple on the way to the Unholy Death Knight’s fortress*

Marcus: Ok hero, Ali, you, myself and some other hand selected Death Knights will lead the assault.

Noxus: Not to burst your bubble but they are Death Knights too. Do you really expect to defeat them?

Ali: It does not happen often but in battle a Death Knight can draw upon enough power to properly defeat another. Some of us have done it before and can do it again if need be, but it is still a rare power.

Noxus: The odds don’t seem good. They have legions of undead and no doubt more Death Knights then you.

Marcus: We have to try. Perhaps we should capture Artix. With his power we could annihilate them.

Hero: Artix is all the way in Lightguard and we need to act before the unholy death knights can...

*Artix appears from behind*

Artix: PREPARE TO BE VANQUISHED DEATH KNIGHTS!!!!!

Hero: ARTIX!!!!! What are you doing here?!?

Artix: Saving you from the ...

Deathknights...

YOU’RE A DEATH KNIGHT?!?!?!?!?!?

Hero: Yes but...

Artix: There’s no use talking now.

I am sorry Hero.

Prepare to die.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


*The hero and Artix Battle and Artix loses*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hero: Artix stop!!! Just Listen to me.

Artix: Your not going to kill me?

Hero: Of course not.

Marcus: Good work hero. Now that we have Artix captured we can turn him into a Death Knight.

Artix: I should have known.

Hero: It’s not what you think.

Artix: I am sorry Hero. I have failed you. I should have gotten here sooner to save you.

Good-bye my friend.

*Various Death Knights Approach speedily to Grab Artix*

*The Hero Draws his weapon*

Hero: No one lays a finger on Artix.

Noxus: Not like I could anyway.

Hero: The only way Artix becomes a Death Knight is if he willingly does so.

No one is forcing him to do anything or you will have to get through me first.

Marcus: So be it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*The Hero fights the Death Knights*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus: Well hero you prove to be stronger than we anticipated once again.

Artix can remain as he is until we have dealt with the unholy Death Knights.

Hero: He’ll never become a Death Knight willingly.

Artix: You really are still yourself? Aren't you?

Hero: Yes Artix I am fine, but you are in danger.

Artix: Again? I mean Really? Vordred never stopped us how bad could this be?

Noxus: Artix you are the champion of darkness and now that it’s known you are very sought after.

Macus: We are not the only ones who seek to transform you into a Death Knight.

Artix: would it really make a difference as to who does?

Ali: yes.

Marcus: Most of us here are former Paladins, We want to transform you into a Death knight to increase your power. Under our guidance your darkness would be in check. You could master your power over darkness and use it for the good of the world.

Artix: And the others?

Marcus: They seek to turn you into a Death Knight to use you. They want to use the champion of darkness as their ultimate undead minion.

Artix: I see. And you guys are planning an all out assault on this Death Knight’s base?

Hero: yes

Artix: but they are death Knights too. How do you expect to defeat them?

Noxus: Why is it that everyone except Death Knights understands this? Like I said before it’ll take a Doomknight to Defeat a Death knight.

Artix: Noxus that’s it!

Hero: Of course, Queen Gravelyn can aid us in the coming battle. We need you out of Doomwood for your own safety, so you go tell her.

Take Noxus as proof you were sent by me.

Artix: Well Noxus you’ve certainly come in handy.

Noxus: Is that another head joke?

Artix: We’ll be back with support soon.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus: There it is hero The tower of the unholy Death knights. Before we can deal with them we will have to contend with the undead forces around the tower.

Hero: We just need to keep fighting until back up gets here. We are Death Knights so we don’t die easily right?

Marcus: We don’t but you, well.

Hero: Well what?

Marcus: You’re still alive. We really have no idea what happens if you die.

Hero: You’re kidding me right?

Well I have more power now, I can watch myself. We just have to last until backup arrives.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artix: Queen Gravelyn, your help is needed in Doomwood.

Gravelyn: Artix, we have only met once briefly. You refused to become my general and now you think you can make a request of me?

Artix: Forgive me your highness but this is not a request of my own but a request of the hero.

Gravelyn: Do you have anyway to prove that?

Artix: Yes

*Shows Noxus*

Noxus: My Queen.... I would bow if I were in the position to do so.

Gravelyn: Artix I see the truth in your claim. As for you Noxus, trying to use courtesy to get ahead in life is unlikely to work.

Noxus: My Queen in all honesty I would much rather get a body in un-life.

Gravelyn: Jokes are not your forte, I’m glad I have chuckles in that position. Now tell me Artix what is the situation the hero needs help with?

Artix: Death Knights your majesty, an army of Death Knights.

Gravelyn: I see, would you care to tell me more?

Artix: Noxus would be much more capable, he has been with the hero the whole time.

Gravelyn: Very well, I will take the prisoner. Make your way back to Doomwood and let them Know reinforcements are on the way.

Artix: Thank you your majesty.

*Artix Leaves*

Gravelyn: Well Noxus you have a chance to redeem yourself. Here we are in Shadowfall, short of a head Necromancer. Now tell me the exact situation in Doomwood.

Noxus: Your majesty let me begin by saying to truly defeat a Death Knight you need the power of a true Doom Knight. They will require you on the battlefield. Now as for the Death Knights…

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hero: I think that’s the last of them.

Marcus: Before they call upon more lets get inside.

Hero: So what we search everywhere to find and subdue their leader.

Marcus: you see that, they have imprisoned some of their own, If we release them we will have more on our side.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Overlooking the Unholy Death Knight Tower*

Artix: Hang in there Hero I am coming for you. Shadowfall is coming for you

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*On the top of the tower*

Marcus: RICHARD!!!!!!!! Your time is up.

Ali: We are going to end this now.

Hero: You won’t be able to lay a finger on Artix.

Richard: You really think you can beat me here, at my tower, with my loyal Death Knights and legions of the undead?

Marcus: Where better to beat you then in front of the eyes of your men.

Richard: Strong words but can you back them up with actions?

*Richard attacks Marcus. The hero tries to help but is pushed to the side and chained up by darkness. The battle rages and Marcus takes a few minor blows, loses his focus and finds himself thrown against a wall too stunned to get back up*

Richard: Prepare to meet your end.

*Charges and begins toynleash a heavy darkness attack, almost completely enveloped in a dark aura*

Artix: NO!!!!!!!

*Artix blocks the attack and frees the hero*

Artix: You will not be allowed to hurt anyone!!!!

Richard: Welcome champion of Darkness.

Hero: Artix what are you doing back here so soon.

Artix: I came to tell you Shadowfall is sending aid.

Richard: Then I shall end you all before help arrives.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*They defeat Richard in combat*

Artix: Good Job hero

Marcus: It’s not over yet

*Richard reforms*
Richard: You are no match for me. Shadowfall is no match for me. The only threat they pose is Queen Gravelyn and once I am champion of darkness Not even she will be able to stop me.

Marcus: You? How could you be the champion of darkness?

Richard: Did you really believe I wanted the champion of darkness as an undead slave? Having the power to myself would be far more useful. All I need do is transform Artix into a Death Knight, absorb his powers and become the champion of darkness before she arrives.

Artix: This again, all because I am champion of darkness?

Richard: With the moon in the sky and you here at the top of my tower the ritual is in progress. The only way to stop it is too vanquish me and there is no chance of that.

Hero: we are not giving up

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*They defeat Richard in combat*

*Richard Reforms*

Richard: I’ll admit you’re both much tougher than I thought. But you’re still no match for a death Knight.

Marcus: You two have to keep trying. The ritual is nearly complete.

Hero: It's worth a shot.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*They defeat Richard in combat*

*Richard Reforms*

Richard: It’s too late; your powers will begin to transfer to me any moment now.

Artix: Goodbye hero. You have been a greater friend than I could ask for. Finish him and finish me quickly.

*A few minutes later*

Artix: Is it going to happen yet?

Richard: I don’t understand?

*Noxus appears from behind with his undead body fully clothed in Necromancer robes with the Shadowscythe emblem on it*

Noxus: You cannot force the champion Of Darkness to transform into anything unwillingly

Everyone: Noxus?!?!?!?!

Noxus: That’s general Noxus to you, high necromancer of the Shadowscythe.

I have been reinstated into the Shadowscythe by Queen Gravelyn and now command the alliance’s undead armies.

Hero: THINKING * The Shadowscythe Amulet, I have the power to force Artix, to bend his will*

Marcus: Why did you not tell us that Artix could not be forced to transform?

Noxus: Doomwood is dangerous, if he was killed by Richard, Richard, or someone else would have become the champion of Darkness.

Marcus: You fool, why reveal this now?

Richard: So all I have to do is kill Artix and then his power will be mine?

Noxus: Yes

Provided you can survive QUEEN GRAVELYN!!!

Richard: What?!?!?!?!?

*Queen Gravelyn steps in*

Queen Gravelyn: Prepare to be vanquished

* Queen Gravelyn Mercilessly Destroys Richard in some sort of doom blast*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marcus: So Artix has to transform out of his own free will?

Noxus: That is indeed the case.

Marcus: I suppose there is nothing we can do then, and we can be satisfied with the hero’s transformation.

Artix: So what now?

Ali: We intend to reinforce Lightguard to help teach the new paladins from our experience. As for the unholy death knights, most were forced into following Richard and have happily joined the Shadowscythe.

Hero: seems like a happy ending.

Noxus: Almost, but I’d like to speak to you and Artix in private first...

Hero you do realize you have the power to turn Artix into a Death Knight?

Artix: What?!?!?!?!

Hero: I am aware of that, as long as I have the ShadowScythe Amulet I am able to force him.

Noxus: Yes but you chose not to.

Hero: The alliance is fragile; it could have caused a big upset. Not to mention Artix is my friend and he trusts me.

Artix: Hero I am glad my trust was not misplaced.

Noxus: But you do realize the power he holds?

Hero: I know it’s a lot, but not entirely. If the time ever comes I know Artix will trust my judgment, but it would have to be a truly dire circumstance.

Noxus: That’s all I need to know. As general I need to be able to ensure Shadowfall’s safety. If it comes to it I know you two will be able to help me.

Hero: By the way congratulations on your promotion Noxus.

Noxus: Thank you.

As for you paladin, If you're ever in the mood for a challenge stop by Shadowfall. Some feedback is always good for a master necromancer, and I’m sure you can provide it. As for me I must accompany the queen back to Shadowfall.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gravelyn: Noxus I have something of importance to tell you... about the hero.

Noxus: Yes my Queen?

Gravelyn: He nearly defeated that death knight. Well and truly, one more battle and Richard would have been dead. The hero has power, more than he knows.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Artix: Hero being champion of Darkness is becoming a burden and I am glad that of all people it is you I am sharing it with.

Hero: Artix I am honored

Artix: But hero, don’t let our friendship get in the way.

Hero: What do you mean?

Artix: Promise me that whatever happens that you will put the whole of Lore before me and before our Friendship.

Hero: I promise

Artix Thank you friend. I’m sure that between the two of use one day Doomwood will be under control.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------










Page: [1]

Valid CSS!




Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition
0.125