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Gianna Glow -> Purpose and Design Critique Feedback (4/25/2013 14:42:04)
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Purpose and Design Feedback
Ok, here we go! Overall, there really isn't much to say about this piece. It is a wonderful work of literature and is highly engaging to read on top of being very intellectual. As result, its very fun. There are just a few issues I found, but overall they were pretty minor. A majority of what I will be listing below will be clarifications that I feel will be needed. I'm actually going to try something new in how i format my critique. I believe it will be beneficial as it could help point your thoughts in different direction. I'm going to be asking questions based on what I find, then afterward I ask the question I will state how I believe it relates to either flow, realism, or clarity of the story.
- "Duet" is mentioned early on in the story, but is never mentioned again. Does it become "The People"? That is the conclusion my brain draws when i read it. So why does it change and what are the differences between the two, if any? If they are not the same, what is "Duet"? [Clarification]
- What is Isotope 9H3? That leaves readers wondering about it and what is so big about it that made all the difference on T'ra? [Clarification]
- Who or what is the system doctor? Why didn't this doctor show up the first time Captain Dramathea woke up? She seemed to rehabilitate herself from stasis the first time around. Why did the system doctor show up the second time? [Flow and Clarification]
- "29° 32' No, 98° 28' W". Everything in this story is scientific, but occasionally it also gives the impression that Dramathea is trying to learn about the humans and about the planet in general. So, why was that area populated heavily? What is the human's term for the area? (second one is purely optional) [Flow and Realism]
- Dramathea's actions are largely human in nature (such as hugging herself, walking, laying down, ect.), but she's an alien of some sort from what the story implies. Is Dramathea humanoid or not? What about her appearance and nature makes her different from humanity? Because just reading it through, if it wasn't stated she was not human, I would think she was. [Realism and Clarification]
That is all I found that fits within the realm of "Flow, Realism, and Clarity". Overall, excellent story and I do wish you luck on the contest. As always, if you need clarification from me on anything or if you need me to re-explain my critique in another way, I'd be more than happy to.
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