|
Dwelling Dragonlord -> RE: (AQ) A Tale Of A Gunfighter Discussion (5/26/2013 10:46:27)
|
quote:
When I woke up, I hear explosion everywhere. People <> running and shouting everywhere.
heard, were
Okay, first up .... where was your character when he woke up? Did he look out of the window to see people running and shouting everywhere or did he pass out for some reason and lying out on the street?
quote:
So I go out and try to escape from the village.
By this point I am not even sure the village is your own or you are simply a traveler who apparently was inside somewhere.
quote:
I try to move the rock, but sadly I can’t.
tried, couldn't
Did your character lack the strength to move the rock or were his arms jammed under it so he couldn't move it?
quote:
I shouted for help but everybody is too busy <> to help me. I feel my heartbeat stopping and the explosion is becoming more louder. And so it reach the climax and I feel my eyes closed.
was
with ....
sound of the explosion/explosions, reached, felt, closing
quote:
When I wake up, darkness is everywhere and a grim figure approach me.
woke, was, approached
quote:
He use a scythe which is connected to a hourglass and a ship. I think for a few minutes and it seems that he is Death.
used, was, thought about it, came to the conclusion, was
quote:
Scared, but calmly, I try to approach death.
tried
quote:
He speaks with a grim voice: <>So it seem a soul has a little accident,don’t you? Follow me and I shall count your deed.<> So I follow him knowing that I may not go back to my world. <>So it seems that I may give you another chance to live. But before that, may I ask your name?<> I think for a second and said: <>Lethis.<> <>So you are Lethis. I shall give you another chance to live but you will have to wear a form of a skeletal gunfighter. You could choose to do so or stay in this realm.<>
""
You may also want to consider putting sentences on separate lines. It makes for easier reading.
quote:
<>Which do you choose?<> I choose to be a skeletal gunfighter. <>Very well, when the time comes you will come back to this realm resting peacefully. Now let me send you bac...<> <>Death, I need to ask you a question before I go. Why do you let me go back to the world again?<>
quote:
<>Ah.. a interesting question. You see, I see that you are a good person, considering the deeds you have done. I shall give you another chance to live. Since you have done good deeds,<>you will still have your human emotion and other things, though you are a undead. Be warned though, you will have many enemies and try not to become a human or I shall not accept you here. Now let me send you back to your world...<>
", an, ", space, "
quote:
I feel awake in a place far away from my village. It seems that I have lived again.
awaken, have become alive
I'll see where this goes.
|
|
|
|
