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dragonfire1423 -> RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary (6/25/2013 23:22:06)
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Hehehe, just went back over some of the stories you guys made, and I have to say:
@Muchiha: Been forever since you updated! Get on it! Don't let the rest of us out-type you quite yet!
@Flashbang: I like how all of the characters besides me generally want to avoid conflict so far :P
@kors: I also liked how you put planning in detail, particularly not just the "attack things" part, but mainly the defending part.
@Flashbang & Kors: Between your stories, I like how it kinda portrays to me how an OC (mine) can be looked at differently by different people ^_^ Keep going guys and don't forget to flesh out all the characters, not just a couple!
@battlemaster: Nice use of the prologue , quite literally, to introduce all of the characters.
@0Neo: Interesting story so far, just that I can't really tell who is talking at a given time. I see you didn't want to run the word "said" into the ground with the first few conversations, but it was a bit difficult sometimes to keep track of things.
@hict: I see, hear, and write about death all the time, so it doesn't affect me, but judging by the forums after this was up, you obviously moved someone with Oliver's death. The only problem I can see hear is similar to 0Neo's in that it is hard to dicern the narrative from the dialogue. I'd say put an empty line between things like visual narrative, and someone's line.
EXAMPLE:
quote:
Kor: I’m sure it is just a training exercise that the members of Geoto are doing up there right? Oliver please tell me that’s what’s happening.
Oliver: I’m not so sure
Then a blast comes from the ceiling and from the dust cloud hundreds of trumpha come pouring out of the newly created hole in the ceiling.
It took me a second to see where Oliver's sentence ended and the "Then a blast" part began.
NOTE: Whenever I complain about something, and leave a block of text explaining it, chances are it's not a bad mistake, just hard for me to explain easily.
Anyways, thanks for all the support and reviews guys!
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