Home  | Login  | Register  | Help  | Play 

RE: MM's Fooetry ~ Comments Thread. Two new poems up. Go read!

 
Logged in as: Guest
  Printable Version
All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> Works Discussion >> Other Creative Works Discussion >> RE: MM's Fooetry ~ Comments Thread. Two new poems up. Go read!
Page 10 of 10«<678910
Forum Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
6/7/2010 3:13:15   
Mistermafio
Member

Well, it might be a strange honour, but it's a real honour nonetheless.

I agree that little might not be the best choice of words, but I really like how it pads the line and flow. I've considered brittle as a substitute, but I'm not sure if that's the best choice. If I could get someone's opinion on that before I change it, that would be great.

Haha, I'm well aware of the colours of grass and water. From the point of view of the second person, the lier, it is a simple explanation of why grass is black and water white. Instead of a lie, it might not be the truth, but he tells it as is. Therefore, I'm more then happy with the choice of words I used. :P

The lier in this poem, at least in my interpertation of it, promisses the narrator a different truth then the truth most people believe (hence the black grass). This line is nothing more then the narrator repeating the lier as he tells him he can make him see what the world is "really" like. I think it fits, though that could just be me.

I did change the comma in a semicolon.

Also changed lie into lied.

I don't really feel for adding the 'will' to that stanza, I'm quite happy with the shift as it is. At least the way I read it, and I have too much doubt in my abilities as a writer to be able to say I can pull off adding a will to that sentence without messing up the flow I created for myself.

I am glad you liked the poem, it's good to hear you can relate to the narrator, even though he's in a situation I hope most people don't have any experience with. And I thank you for your comments, even though I didn't change a lot, they helped me a lot. Plus, they gave me a great reason to think about the poem more, which made me realise this is one of the very few poems I've written I am truly happy with.

< Message edited by mistermafio -- 6/7/2010 9:01:53 >


_____________________________

Infinity; the simple fact that there are as much even numbers as there are even and uneven numbers combined.
AQ  Post #: 226
6/8/2010 10:48:54   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


10 page lock for Mafio!

Keep up your writing so that we have more to enjoy!
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 227
Page:   <<   < prev  6 7 8 9 [10]
All Forums >> [Gaming Community] >> [Legends and Lore] >> Writers of Lore >> Works Discussion >> Other Creative Works Discussion >> RE: MM's Fooetry ~ Comments Thread. Two new poems up. Go read!
Page 10 of 10«<678910
Jump to:






Icon Legend
New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Forum Content Copyright © 2018 Artix Entertainment, LLC.

"AdventureQuest", "DragonFable", "MechQuest", "EpicDuel", "BattleOn.com", "AdventureQuest Worlds", "Artix Entertainment"
and all game character names are either trademarks or registered trademarks of Artix Entertainment, LLC. All rights are reserved.
PRIVACY POLICY


Forum Software © ASPPlayground.NET Advanced Edition