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RE: MM's Fooetry ~ Comments Thread. Two new poems up. Go read!

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1/6/2009 18:42:47   
Mistermafio
Member

Two new poems up, one is a little bit different then normal poems of mine though.

Cold winter morning

Is a normal poem, which I myself quite enjoy.

The next poem is a revisit of my older poem Running the link to which is a few posts up. Same general theme, but shorter and, well, different.

Running II



Also, chapter four of my epic ( Just call me John and get it over with ~ A poetic tale of a rather unpoetic man ) will be out tomorrow.
AQ  Post #: 151
1/9/2009 19:12:43   
Mistermafio
Member

Please don't read this, it'll be the end of me

Heh, don't take that title too seriously though :^P

Oh, also, poem 170!
AQ  Post #: 152
1/18/2009 18:39:43   
Mistermafio
Member

The lords

Humanity
AQ  Post #: 153
1/26/2009 12:43:16   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 I seriously doubt that you need any help with your poetry. However, for what it's worth, I'll tell you what I think anyway. =)

Unfortunately, as I had feared, I do not have much to say. You are an excellent writer with a great imagination and a large vocabulary. In fact, I learned a couple of new words from reading your works. In addition, you have a talent for twists and unexpected lines in your poetry. In addition, you have an ability for layout of poetry, creating an interesting, striking visual effect that complements the works themselves.

The subject matter of your writings is broad, avoiding any monotony. Most enjoyable to me (not that any were not, mind you) were those concerning real life. Those concerning your family were entertaining, and at times amusing. In my opinion, one of your greatest fortes is the element of surprise (ack, cliché!) in your writings. I noticed this most in A new life. The rather abrupt ending was surprising and entertaining. Once more, you are an excellent poet.

Proof-reading:

Trying
quote:

Trying very hard,
to do something,

The comma after "hard" could be omitted.

quote:

you want to scream,
your own lungs out.

No comma is needed after "scream."

Love is in the air
quote:

But she ignored me,
and that,
made me angry.

The comma after "that" could be omitted.

WWII
quote:

A distant sound,
flashes in the sky,
my sisters, astound
and afraid to die.

The comma after "sound" could be omitted. Also, you might have meant "astounded" when you said "astound."

Isn't it?
quote:

Aren’t it all just games you play ... Aren’t it all just stories you tell

In both cases, either "Aren't" should be changed to "Isn't" or change both "it"s to "they."

The land of serenity
quote:

Illuminated by the suns peaceful gloom.

Since I think you intend this to be possessive, "suns" should be "sun's."

The stainless steel window
quote:

Glad with it’s safety,
glad with it’s strength.

The possessive form of "it" is "its."
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 154
1/28/2009 14:06:04   
Mistermafio
Member

Thank you so much for that wonderful comment, I'm honoured you liked it and what you said really put a smile on my face. ^>^

I'll take a look at those typo's as soon as I have a bit more time, probably sometime during the weekend.

It's good to see someone who likes what I write, did you read all of it? If so, I also should applaud you, not many people have been able to fight their way through that as far as I know.

Again, thank you very much for the great comment, I appreciate it.

AQ  Post #: 155
1/30/2009 18:36:08   
Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy


 I'm glad that it made you happy! =)
Yes, I read all of it, over the weekend.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 156
2/4/2009 17:45:00   
Mistermafio
Member

^>^

That must have been quite a read though, I know I couldn't do it... Heh, I'd probably get bored and distracted every poem or so.
AQ  Post #: 157
2/7/2009 9:13:41   
Mistermafio
Member

Meh

A perfect day
AQ  Post #: 158
2/9/2009 14:06:49   
Mistermafio
Member

Clowns: A Day at the Circus by Ana_Maria && Mistermafio
AQ  Post #: 159
2/15/2009 11:53:41   
Mistermafio
Member

Ascent into madness
AQ  Post #: 160
2/18/2009 11:02:23   
Mistermafio
Member

Apologies to a friend
AQ  Post #: 161
2/24/2009 17:16:38   
Mistermafio
Member

Time

I'm quite proud at this poem, and any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
AQ  Post #: 162
3/3/2009 13:25:25   
Mistermafio
Member

"Every now and again I dream of doing great things, writing a novel, painting a picture, or a poem that really matters to someone. Sadly however, I get so lost in the dream, I forget to actually do it."

The hurdle runner
AQ  Post #: 163
3/3/2009 15:58:39   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 You look a little lonely here, so I'm peeping in. =P Actually, I liked the description of that latest poem so I got curious and read.

"The hurdle runner" is quite well done in terms of technical flow and everything and I found myself really absorbed in the poem, not noticing stuff I'd usually notice. The theme is also very powerful and both the beginning and the end tied together very well.

As for "Time," that was simply beautiful. I did notice more flaws in it than in "The hurdle runner," but it's overall a superior poem for its strong points which really shine. I loved how you used the apple tree to symbolize their friendship. There were times when I got pulled out of the poem because the punctuation felt a bit off--there were parts where I felt a period ect. was misplaced. And there were a few typos, though I didn't copy them down. I remember an extra s in "promises", a few "eachothers" that should be "each other" according to my spellcheck, and a missed o on "other" somewhere. If you want I can come back to it later and go through the lines in detail. Overall, though, it was a very powerful poem. In the age where lyric poems rule, it's good to see a narrative poem strive.

PS: You /have/ written poetry that /really/ matters to someone. Road to Infinity really mattered to me--enough for me to consider adding an epilogue on a novel of mine. And there are others, but I can't name them all or I'll be rambling in your thread all day. ;)
AQ  Post #: 164
3/4/2009 17:18:42   
Mistermafio
Member

Aww, thank you, I'm glad you liked that description, and I can always use company here. ^>^

I'm glad you liked the hurdle runner. It is a piece I really like myself, mostly because I did really feel like a hurdle runner when I wrote it.

To top that off, I like time even more. I didn't realise the typo's and other errors, I'll make sure to look it over some time to see what I can find, every help you're willing to give is very much appreciated. :^)

And that PS really touched my heart, it made me feel really good to know my poetry, or at least one of my poems meant as much to someone else, as almost all my poems mean to me. To be honest, I wouldn't mind you rambling, but you have better, more awesome things to do. ^>^

Thank you very much for your amazing comment.
AQ  Post #: 165
3/8/2009 18:34:01   
Mistermafio
Member

Spouce

Dreams?

I'm especially proud of the latter one. A 4 page short story type poem :^)
AQ  Post #: 166
3/14/2009 13:18:26   
Mistermafio
Member

hmm, I see

Thinking about who you are can be a great experience. I personally find it most humbling to realise that we are, in essence, nothing but biological machines. So immensely complicated not even the force that invented us, can replicate us perfectly.

Come to think of it, we are much like a lego-set. And nature lost the instructions a long time ago.

Reasoning
AQ  Post #: 167
3/14/2009 14:00:32   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Ooo, I love your newest one. And nice speculation here on the comments thread. I noticed that you sometimes capitalized the first word of lines when there was no period before it. Was that intentional? Otherwise, loved it. ;)
AQ  Post #: 168
3/14/2009 22:40:34   
Mistermafio
Member

Heh, well, between you, me and the other dude that reads this thread, that wasn't quite on purpose as much as word being stubborn. :^P

I don't really mind it though.

I'm glad you liked it, I always love hearing that (how egocentric of me :^P) ^>^
AQ  Post #: 169
3/14/2009 22:51:54   
Firefly
Lore-ian


 Ah, Word... Yeah, they it (why the heck did I call Word a "they"?) auto-capitalizes every line after an enter. I usually capitalize all my lines, but there was this one time when I wrote a freeverse I prefered /not/ to be capitalized. Word gave me trouble. In the end, I let it capitalize it for me anyways since I was too lazy to fix it. Not a big deal. ;)

< Message edited by Firefly -- 3/14/2009 22:52:27 >
AQ  Post #: 170
3/14/2009 22:58:12   
Mistermafio
Member

Heh, its why I use openoffice, its free, and it behaves. :^P

You can turn the auto capitalising off, but school has restricted that for some reason >.< but yeah. Openoffice actually automatically changes to what you use most. I love it
AQ  Post #: 171
3/14/2009 23:38:52   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 I liked Dreams. The end was just great. Well, done my friend.

I miss talking to you. Hope things are well.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 172
3/15/2009 18:07:31   
Mistermafio
Member

I'm very glad you liked dreams ^>^

Its been a long time since we talked indeed. Bleh, things have been incredibly busy for me. I hope I can get on IRC more often soon.
AQ  Post #: 173
3/24/2009 17:33:27   
Sir Gnome
Member

I keep forgetting to post in these things, when I really appreciate the work people are doing.

I find the variety of style and range of topics dealt with in your poetry interesting, meaning there's something that one can appreciate whatever one's mood that day - Some specific pieces, for example 'Reasoning' raise interesting ideas in their own right, which is a sign of a really good piece


Keep up the good work!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 174
3/24/2009 17:40:00   
Helixi
Member

I love them all. :D

< Message edited by Helixi -- 1/8/2012 11:05:49 >
AQ DF  Post #: 175
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