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RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments

 
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8/16/2009 23:13:08   
deathwalker05
Member

quote:

You really should the story, it's quite good


You forgot read. Also, it stunk to find it was a C and C post, lol. I saw Legends and Lore, last post, by you, and didnt notice the C and C...had thought new chapter >>

Edit: I claim this page.
AQ  Post #: 76
8/19/2009 22:13:47   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


I know, y'all were expecting the chapter, but it got delayed... should be out sometime tomorrow. Curse my short attention span! >.>
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 77
8/19/2009 22:23:48   
deathwalker05
Member

Yes, curse your short attention span >>
I expect at least 2 more chaoters before my school starts back up in a week and a half >>
AQ  Post #: 78
8/20/2009 22:02:26   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


The next chapter is up! It's shorter then usual, but I put in some more humor in it. I even added a picture of the new ship :o

ENOUGH! I am sick of these endless side plots! Move on with the main story!

Grim, you're not supposed to break the 4th wall here...

SILENCE! I have broken the 4th wall to ask you mortals for name suggestions for our new ride. We have a few, but would be interested in hearing from the readers. Keep in mind that we want something... neutral element wise. We don't want something that favors one element over another, like "gullwing" or "Zephyr" or "typhoon" or "Death" or something like that. We want to keep everyone happy. The paint job already is annoying Jenna, and anything else could cause someone to go over the edge.

You heard the Reaper, any suggestions?
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 79
8/20/2009 23:41:05   
Nightly
Member

Oh dear me. A release? Without a pm? My this is highly unsatisfying.

You broke the code box. I refuse to read. I cannot and will not read while scrolling. Good night! Even though its only 10:41 where you live >.<

< Message edited by Nightly -- 8/20/2009 23:42:08 >
Post #: 80
8/20/2009 23:45:26   
deathwalker05
Member

Well...I guess the name "Deathwalker" is out of the question.... Maybe "The Double X Killing Kingdoms Mega Machine", XXKKMM for short. double x because eberything is better with it, Killing kingdoms because theyre trying to reform a grand kingdom-like nation, and mega machine because i wanted all letters to be in there twice for the abbreviation, to symbolize there is 6 basic reapers and each has an opposing element, or something like that.

< Message edited by deathwalker05 -- 8/20/2009 23:46:38 >
AQ  Post #: 81
8/20/2009 23:51:22   
Nightly
Member

I beleive the EWW messed the coding up, so I would suggest shortening it.

As for names, I'll suggest tomorow. And not in ten minutes. Tomorow when the sun is out and its 1 o'clock. Your time.
Post #: 82
8/21/2009 8:43:48   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Fixed the coding.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 83
8/21/2009 14:17:55   
entity azirius
Member

Hey Ultrapowerpie :D

Really enjoyed reading The Reaper's Records, the story is a bit of fun and pretty unique! Can't wait to read more chapters :D
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 84
8/22/2009 17:48:52   
Maureu
Member

Name ideas:
Chocobo Chariot. Keeping with the sign that is currently on the model, if I'm not mistaken.

Also:
quote:

“Oh no! Fenrir posses the most powerful puppy dog eyes of any creature! Just glancing at them will make you completely sorry for punishing him! That’s how he got away with eating Fida! I can’t watch… but wait, as a cave I see all that happens within me! I can’t look away! Oh the inhumanity!”

Heh. I believe this is my favorite chapter so far.
Post #: 85
8/22/2009 21:10:19   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Yes, I did like that.

Unfortunately, it would appear that Necro and Reaver already named the ship while I wasn't looking, darn them >.>

The fools will be whacked upside the head like red-headed step-children, rest assured.

Expect something tomorrow :o
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 86
8/22/2009 23:45:18   
deathwalker05
Member

Awww, I liked my name >>
O well, tomorow u say, ill expect it in 3 days, lol.
AQ  Post #: 87
8/24/2009 10:51:52   
Nightly
Member

Expect something tomorrow :o

Liez!
Post #: 88
8/24/2009 17:21:23   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Curse my short attention span! It's only half done! *goes to finish chapter*
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 89
8/24/2009 22:56:51   
Gianna Glow
Member

Awww! And each time you say something, you raise my poor hopes only to dash them cruelly on the ground! Hurry up please!!!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 90
8/24/2009 23:04:49   
deathwalker05
Member

Some1 should check and see how long it takes him from when he says he'll post something to when he does >>
AQ  Post #: 91
8/25/2009 4:08:51   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

Roger that, UPP. Let's just see what I can do.

BTW, you are the first person to whom I announce that I have decided to trsh my usual nitpicky commenting style altogether, in favor of an all-rounded comment that deals with story formation, characters and the likes, only stopping for quirks that are too blatantly obvious. It would be much more helpful that way, right?

Now then, IKKIMASU!

1) Prologue

First thing first:

quote:

“I’m sorry EVA, could you run that by me again?” a deep, dark, almost but not quite demonic voice asked.


Is that EVA Unit 00, 01 or 02? Can I page for Shinji Ikari?

quote:

The room the figure was in was a rather large circular room, with a 100 foot radius. The voluptuous room was not of any artificial construction, rather, it was a giant chamber inside a vast cave system. At the same time, the room was decorated with a very “sci-fi” feel to it:


Now there, you may need a little working here. What is the meaning of "very 'sci-fi'"? It is a rather generic terms that those acquainted with the genre can get used to, but for those who know little about the genre, they demand more than that. Perhaps a more descriptive, but simple 'modern' or 'post-modern' can clean up this "tell, not show" tendency. The same for the sentence right after that: "war room" look can be changed into something else.

quote:

“Uhhhhh… yeah, it’s cool. It has that sci-fi feel with an all natural touch. It’s like some bizarre fusion of magic and technology” the human responded, his voice a typical baritone, not sounding in any way like a “nerd”, as his appearance would suggest otherwise.


Along the same lines: "Nerdy" in the place of "like a nerd".

Overall comment: By the name of Lelouch, this is quite the new take on the Grim Reaper (I wish I'd written this before the end of Code Geass R2 to make it an unfunny aneurism). Grim Reaper with a sci-fi-setting, AI and an extrasystemic transportation system. I can say I'm seeing where this is going. But then again, next chapter:

2) Chapter 1

quote:

“Alright, you come from a world where science has been the mainstay of “progress” of your species. The humans of this world have discovered magic, and as such have not found a need to advance technologically. Therefore, the setting here is comparative to that of your world’s “Middle Ages”. This has it’s own ups and downs, but I’ll leave that for you to discover” Grim explained, the projector displaying various pictures to match what he was talking about.


*Raise hand*

I'vee heard this quote somewhere: "Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic". Taking it this way, magic is a form of meta-technology, and vice versa. Case in point: The Lambda Drive in Full Metal Panic can be comprehended as a form of magical Limit Break (Darn Shoji Gatoh for beating me to it). That is why I find this line kind of odd. But again, your call.

quote:

“The Goddesses also decided the orbs needed some way of directly interacting with Tipa, as well as guardians of the Spheres. That is what a Reaper is. Our duty is to help make sure there’s some sort of balance on this rock, as well as make sure that the “will of the Spheres” is carried out when need be.


quote:

When I was the Reaper of Death, I loved going around as a skeleton, and when I got bumped up to Reaper of Ultima, I kept the look.


Another point of dispute that may cause incessant snarking here: If a Reaper's job is primarily a temple guardian as described, why call him a Reap <sic> -er? Wouldn't some more encompassing titles like "Guardian" more befitting? But then again, we'll leave mythological gags later. Even more when that has to deal with the name of your work in its entirety...

Overall comment: You know, there was no reason for you to keep this chapter apart from the first - the scene hasn't even switched even. As a result, a reader can't help but feel that both of them effectively serve as a dual prologues instead of two separated chapters. Also, try to incorporate more description between dialogue. At the current state, your chapter layout resembles the revelation chapters of the light novel of Haruhi Suzumiya in a not very positive way - overflowing with dialogue with little in between. You see where I am coming from?

But overall, the very part I find troubling can be seen as creativity. And indeed that, coupled with well-placed humor, is about the aspect you have done best. Not to mention alternative explanation for pretty much everything else considered to be set-in-stone staples for fantasy.

quote:

“Actually Sir, you have 6,493,294 acts of misconduct on your record. It is indeed possible that this was a punishment for you” EVA responded.


Nice work, Yui-sama, nice work indeed (Neon Evangelion Genesis reference).

Now then, let's see what else Necro/Cid Highwind has to go through before he becomes someone along the lines of Haruhi Suzumiya, so...

3) Chapter 2

quote:

EVA, the Electronic Voice Assistant, is the AI for the computer that runs this base.


Aww, no love for the Evangelions?

quote:

“Consider this your status menu for your life. It displays your stats, health, mana, etc. Yes, it DOES also tell time, but you have to push the buttons in the right sequence. I’ll explain the watch later. That watch can do many things, such as scan and analyze stuff, translate, contact others with watches on if your telepathy doesn’t work…”

This time it was Necro’s turn to interrupt Grim. “Whoa, whoa whoa! Telepathy? And speaking of translation, how are we speaking the same language so easily?”

“Oh, simple. When you were brought here, I cast a spell that made the common tongue of our land sound like your primary language. In return, when you speak in your primary language, it sounds like common tongue to us. Sadly, as I have limited power, my spell doesn’t include other dialects like Dwarvish and such, but the watches should take care of that. Yes, you do have the capability for telepathy, but that’s at least a level 20 spell. You’re only level 1 buddy. Got to crawl before you can run boy.”


So it is literally a video game-themed combat training? Great minds think alike, or so it seems. *cough*My project of Epic of the Qingslayer...*cough*

quote:


And so they did, 567 times until it was well past 9 PM, as Tipa had a orbit and rotation conveniently like Earth’s.


This is... may I say, a somewhat unwise move. The reasons are multiple (i) This is a sort of "Tell, not show" exposition, something we should always avoid, (ii) You can always say "X hours passed" to save the time and effort of lampshading, (iii) Readers are always ready to suspend their disbelief in the flow of the story anyway, but by suddenly remindign them of this, you are cutting their suspension of disbelief, as in, unintentionally convincing those who would have normally ignored that part to start asking questions. This, my friend, is something to be avoided.

Overall Comment: I like the video game format - you seem to be handling this far better than I did when I was doing the same thing. One advice I would like to give you when you follow this line of construct though: Try not to use too much numbers and statistics unless they are meaningful. They can, and will mess with the flow of the story big time. Been there, undergone that, my friend.

So there, I'll take a break for the day right here after the 2nd chapter.

A friendly suggestion is that I suggest you go visit a Mary Sue litmus test some time to make sure Necro is on the correct path. You see, as you've made him a literal demigod, that kind of quirk could shoot his Mary Sue score skyhigh, and the litmus test can give you some headway on revision if you feel you need it somehow.

One last thing before concluding: You've got a good beginning, UPP. Just keep in mind the chaptering, the pacing and add more description, and you're all set. To be honest, your story is a fresh change for me. I'm getting friggin' tired with the friggin' fox on the friggin' Kanon melodrama!

< Message edited by Argeus the Paladin -- 8/25/2009 4:09:23 >
DF  Post #: 92
8/25/2009 10:43:12   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Congrats Greengirl on the creative title :D

For those wondering: today IS the last day of Summer for the moogle, and Chapter 17 WILL be uploaded sometime today. That I will assure you.

@Argeus- Call me Pie, first off

That EVA is from Command and Conquer: Electronic Voice Assitant. Of course, the Reapers somewhat supercharged the intelligence, but we don't have to worry about any CABAL incidents :P

The war room is however you want to imagine it. I suppose it could use a little more direction, but the moogle is partially lazy, and leaving it up to the reader to imagine how they want it to look. I'll edit that later though.

Oh, it IS a very new look on the Grim Reaper. If there's anything this story is, it's original and cliche at the same time, making it able to blow everyone's minds!

Ah, the old magic vs tech argument. In my point of view, magic is "ahead" of technology along the developing curve. IE: the magic typically viewed in the average Medieval fantasy is more advanced then today's "modern" technology. We're still using mass drivers as are main form of weapons, which can be easily countered by magic, via melting the bullet or casting a barrier or something like that. I am fully aware that super advanced technology will eventually be indistinguishable from magic, but I view magic and tech as... somewhat competing elements. Because magic exists, Tipa doesn't have a need to increase their tech level with an industrial revolution or something like that. There's plenty of video games/anime/books that pit magic being the "natual" approach and tech being evil, I'm just using that rivalry in that sentence to explain why Tipa is still in a medieval setting and not something more modern.

The Reaper title stays. It's based off of my old RPs I had, and Guardian is overdone IMO. Reaper is a title that is rarely used, and ish likes it.

As for the chapters, you'll find that the descrpensy is only there between the first two. I will admit that the reason they're split is because I got lazy when I finished the prolouge and wanted to upload it first, then wrote chapter 1.

Yes, this novel is dialouge heavy, especially in the first part. I designed the story to get the majority of the basic background and stuff out of the way at teh begining. There will always be more dissertaiton on the history of Tipa and whatnot. I thought dialouge would be more intersting to explain it all then the narrator explaining stuff.

And for the record, I don't understand... half your references to other anime, sadly. I'll post them at the end of this post if you want to clarify :P

Video game combat training? Somewhat, Tipa's entire combat system runs similar to an RPG, however, don't mistake it for a giant video game. Grim will explain more with "the talk".

Really, that has a negative effect? As a left brained person writing a story, I like to make sure that everything is covered base wise... I'll work on that if I can.

Mary Sue? I just wikied it, and yes, Necro IS the main protagonist, much like there usually is in a video game and whatnot. However, he's certainly not a static character nor is he lacking noteworthy flaws. He's GOING to be a demi-god, he's quite human right now. In fact, he's only level 1 out of 100 in his class, and from where you're at, he can't even summon the trademark weapon of the Reapers: the scythe. Trust me, as you continue reading, I'm pretty sure Necro manages to avoid being a "Mary Sue". I am taking a Mary Sue test, but Necro shouldn't fall into any certain sterotype too easily. I mean, ANY main protagonist could fall into one, but Necro has his ups and downs. You may see SOME cliche stuff about Necro, like the dragging from real world, person getting used to life in a new world, etc. But I try to purposely point out when cliche stuff occurs for humor. The entire stories main point is to entertain, though there are deep spots in there. If you liked the begining, you'll love the rest of the story.

Thanks for the criquing! You're the first serious person who actually questioned the content rather then the grammar. Looking forward to the rest of the chapters reviews. Now I need to get 17 running.


One last thing: Yes, this novel is dialouge heavy, that's just my writing style. There's action, but you'll find more talking then action in this novel. And don't worry about numbers, the mechanics are not delved into that much. The biggest thing you'll see is reference to their level, which should tell you how far we are in the story... maybe, depending on side quests :P

Anime references:

Full Metal Panic

Neon Evangelion Genesis

Haruhi Suzumiya

Back to you :P

< Message edited by Ultrapowerpie -- 8/25/2009 11:30:10 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 93
8/25/2009 11:14:59   
deathwalker05
Member

At the size of that post chapter 17 could be done by now >>
On a side note, sorry to hear last day of summer for you, i got a week left before my torture...ahem, school begins
AQ  Post #: 94
8/25/2009 16:58:45   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Ok, I made an extra long chapter, just for y'all! Be warned, lots more dialouge, though the begining has some action in it. Preapre to learn the secrets of teh geopolitical structure of Tida... somewhat! :o

And now, expect updates once a week at the most, once a month at the least. Depends on the amount of homework. This story will NOT die before it is finished, I assure you of that!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 95
8/25/2009 17:49:15   
Nightly
Member

quote:

This is the noise that Grim experienced as he was woken form one of his rare naps at his console.


from

quote:

That’s why everyone has secrets that take advanced telepathy to probe. You don’t have to worry about Necro trying to probe your mind and access unwanted memories or images,”


images."

quote:

“The first part is correct, the second is no Obviously you’re good guesser, or you just know you’re clichés rather well.


no.

you're a good




My eyes bleed....

Have fun at UT!
Post #: 96
8/25/2009 18:01:58   
deathwalker05
Member

Well, first off like to say, good chapter. I noticed a few minor gramatical errors, but for the life of me couldn't find them after. Most were just missing one letter. Besides that, im very surprised i was right with that 3 days remark.
AQ  Post #: 97
8/25/2009 18:28:24   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


you got lucky, that's all deathwalker. I'm not going to say when the next update will be, but check back at least once a week :D
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 98
8/25/2009 21:19:44   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

Well, let's just say since I'm trying to initiate an action to rebuild the L&L community, you'll be certain that I'll be coming back here EVERY SINGLE DAY until I've gone one full round over your story.

Ready the catapult! Argeus, IKKIMASU!

4) Chapter 3

What can I say, Pie, other than this?

Okay, in simple English that everyone can understand, the whole of the "slice a deer's head off to prove your worth" part is just... so many wasted potential. Or maybe it's just me and my wallowing in the likes of sappy Key Visual Arts stuffs recently in which the main character wallows for episodes because he couldn't save a fox (Out of context). But still...

A person's first kill does not work that way - it scars an innocent's mentally quite badly. Especially if he wasn't cut out to be a soldier in the first place. Double especially if he regarded the creature as "cute" and didn't see it as food or a life-threatening foe, if Grim did actually enchant it as such. TRIPLE especially if the kill was forced ritually.

And all of Necro's sentiment - if at all - was described within merely three paragraphs. And it seems that he didn't even remember about his victim after he'd buried it in his tummy. What The Hell, Necro?

But then again, your story is mostly lighthearted, almost free of angst and the likes - hell, Necro didn't even pay any mind after being forcefully ripped off from his homeland and swooped to Whatchacallit in a heartbeat. In this way I can actually see this, positively speaking, as a change. No Heero "I'm such a bastard for killing a girl and her dog and am going to commit suicide again" Yuy or Kira "I'm a pacifist" Yamato sentiment. I take it as a relief.

But be careful where you are going. Necro may turn out to be bigger a jerk than you might want. And pay especial attention to the "death is beautiful" subtext. There is a Lawful Evil monk of the Order of the Long Death in Neverwinter Nights called Grimgnaw, and that freak thinks in exactly the same terms.

Secondly, the theory of balance and "good and evil are not absolute terms". These are themes I myself like to deal with. Loved it when Grim went philosophical.

And the "video game and real life integration" is being played out quite nicely as well - The green arrow made me lol.

Other than that, most of my previous comments still hold - You require additional descriptions!

Now then, can I get out of this training room yet?

5) Chapter 4

First thing first - congratulations. Your lore construction is standing up quite well. Although I can't find the word "stalfan" anywhere. You made it up, didn't you? No problem though - I actually find your take on the undead very fascinating. And as for vampires being a race, rest assured that I am a rabid champion of that theory. You also explained the distinction of the different types of undead flawlessly, and for that I commend you.

As for reanimating the animal he'd killed... forget what I said just now. Cid/Necro IS steadily becoming a freak, or at least a very, very sadistic soul. There is no other way I can explain why he could look at the cute creature he'd slain and flayed with an absolutely straight face like he did. See Heero Yuy and Kira Yamato above. If you want to make humor out of this scenario, you're going too far. The audience will lose their tolerance of a lead protagonist with no respect/emotion whatsoever for life. Even if he were a Villain Protagonist - hell, even Lelouch friggin' Lamperouge wouldn't be that heartless.

I've also got a bone to pick with Grim Reaper:

quote:

Necro followed Grim’s advice, and it resulted in the skele-deer tackling Grim at full speed, dismembering several bones from his main body; including the skull.

“Ok, that does it, this means WAR!” Grim said angrily, a dark green aura surrounding his dismembered parts and his main body as he magically reassembled himself.


As someone having been a trade for, say, thousands of years, he should have known better than anyone that an apprentice cannot control his magic that easily. He might very well have gotten mad, knowing his personality and alignment (I take it to be Lawful Evil), but going ballistics all over it isn't very reasonalble a course of action, is it? That comment of his actually made Grim more childish than he should be.

quote:

“Wait! I ordered it to walk over to me and nuzzle me! I didn’t order it to tackle you!” Necro said, waving his arms helplessly in front of him, starting to panic.


Note to self: Cid/Necro =/= Moe. *hugglez 8-year-old Sagara Sousuke plushie*

I'd stop at this point for now. The overall comment is still like yesterday - too many dialogue and too little action. Also, the training scene Just. Doesn't. Stop. Some of the audience will be seriously bored to death, what with six first chapters of the story taking place in a secluded location with nothing remotely resembling an actual conflict yet.

Anyway, will come back soon. See you then!
DF  Post #: 99
8/25/2009 21:44:25   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


I will admit the scene could have used more, but then again, the novel is meant to be light hearted. You want "in-depth" literature or moving inner-workings of the human heart, you'll have to look elsewhere. Yes, there will be commentary on various subjects, but this novel is meant to entertain.

Necro will get used to killing, and will of course have those moments where he'll go completley dark side just for the heck of it, but he HAS been brought up in our time period, so his sense of morals is that killing needlessly is bad, and he has a pretty high Wisdom stat, which means he can resist those dark side urges fairly well. You'll see how he plays out, as the novel HAS been developed for a bit :P

Yes, I like the theory myself. And descriptions I'm a tad skimpy on. I never liked flowerly language: over description of stuff, when I was a kid in English class, and as such my writing style decided to challenge it by gonig bare necesity of the details. A failing, but it does allow the reader more imagination.

Stalfan is derived from the Stalfoe from Legend of Zelda, the undead skeletons. Thanks, it took me a bit to do it.

As for the deer, it's part of the job. The Reaper of Death deals with the grisly bits of life that NO ONE wants to deal with. He's the janitor that cleans up all the icky bits. Grim's training is forcing Necro to the extremes early on to get him used to it. It's harsh, but that's how it goes. I'll admit I may have done a tad overkill with the scene, but it does have a purpose. That and Grim used it because it was the only dead creature currently in Calico.

Also, the cute creature part was gone, all that was left was a bunch of bones. Adorable bones, but bones nonetheless. As I said, this is an extreme situation that Grim is using to get the hesitation out of Necro. He got the short end of the stick, and it's a tough job, but hey, SOMEONE has to manage the "dark" side of Tipa. He HAS to learn to harden his heart and do the job. But remember that after he slain the creature, he got a sick sadistic pleasure out of it for a breif moment, no? The Death element is named that BECAUSE that's part of it's job: death. Necro is actually very good at hiding/supresing his emotions, and ability he learns passively rather quickly that I really haven't mentioned but may later.

It's tricky trying to balance the light heartedness, and I'll probably screw up here and there, so bare with me. I DO get what you're saying, and I'll try keeping it in mind :P

However, what Necro is NOT going to do is slaughter people willy nilly for no reason whatsoever. He has a big Dark Side he's fighting, but he DOES have restraint and does not live for the next slaughter, like the Chaos Marines do in Warhammer 40k. Besides, there will be OTHER Reapers in there to help counteract dark side urges. Let me know if this make sesnse/justifies stuff or not.

Grim's only been a Reaper for 400 years, and he was the Reaper of Death, remember? He has a slight temper problem, one of the reasons for his "nickname" of Grim. He was never one of the leaders in the old Reapers, rather one of the followers of the group, and him getting thrust into the position of leader was a big shock to him. He's new to the whole mentor thing, and needs some sympathy there. He's also not exactly a people person, yet another reason he got his nickname. I know that's sort of backstory yet to be explained, and it'll get worked in eventually. (Though the Grim comment is coming)

As for the dialouge, yes, that happens. My writing style IS dialouge heavy, which will make some happy, and probably most bored, but that's just me. I can't really adjust tyles mid story, and I try to break it all up with humor. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. It DOES get more actiony though. If you want LOTS of action, you got to wait till later. I did warn that there's lots of plot exposition at the begining, a fault of being left brained. >.>



< Message edited by Ultrapowerpie -- 8/25/2009 22:49:43 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 100
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