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RE: The Reaper's Records: The Chronicles of Tipa- Comments

 
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8/25/2009 22:12:05   
Gianna Glow
Member

Yay!!!! That was awesome (as usual)!! I was glad to finally hear about the different factions. That was exciting. I was expecting a bit of cutting in from Jenna when it came to the Aqua Guardians. When she didnt, i was suprised. And finally, thanks. It was a huge suprise to me as well about the Creative! thing. :D Anyways, cant wait for the next chapter and I'm begging you to hurry up!!! I cant wait to meet the wind (too bad its supposed to be a guy. i think it would be funny for it to be a girl.) reaper... along with the others of course!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 101
8/25/2009 22:20:01   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Jenna wasn't formally a member of the Aqua Guardians, remember. She got sort of inducted when she got possesed by the orb. So, her feelings for them aren't near as strong as the Air Raider or the Paladins. As for rushing... I MAY get a chapter up this weekend as usually first days of class is light homework wise, but no promises.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 102
8/25/2009 22:42:28   
Nightly
Member

No promises at all... He can promise you that it will be latter than expected however. He has a long history of being lazy :D
Post #: 103
8/25/2009 22:44:52   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

Eh, at least give me some time to catch up.
DF  Post #: 104
8/25/2009 23:38:22   
deathwalker05
Member

Trust me, youll have a week after when he says it will be.
On a side note Argeus...dont you have a story to be working on? I read that one too you know. >>
AQ  Post #: 105
8/25/2009 23:48:00   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

I do.

But keep in mind that when I write from 2000 to 4000 words a days in spite of the mid-semester exam, things usually won't clog up for too long.
DF  Post #: 106
8/26/2009 14:26:36   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Meh, I may be re-hasing a bit of the first chapters, at least adressing the whole death scenes if my back up idea doesn't work, depends on some brain-thinking/conferring with peers.

Other then that, won't be doing any major overhauls to the chapters.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 107
8/26/2009 15:31:04   
Nightly
Member

Well I'd have to see how it works out first :D
Post #: 108
8/26/2009 19:25:49   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


If you all will turn your attention to Chapter 3, you will notice I updated it. As some of you are aware, Grim has mentioned that Necro has been able to supress his abilities quite well in the last few chapters. He also talked with Jenna about Necro wanting to burst soon, and you also know about that little "outburst" back there at the Training Cave. This magical segement will now explain those things in greater detail, AND also justify why Necro is taking the death stuff so nonchelauntly (sp?). He is NOT a freak as Aregus claims he is turning into, it just appears that way. He's still human, I assure you.

Enjoy!
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 109
8/26/2009 19:31:42   
Nightly
Member

^This is all thanks to collab from Nightly :D
Post #: 110
8/26/2009 19:48:57   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Yes, Nightly helped me with editing it, it is now updated. Added an extra line right before Necro kills the deer to add a tad more humanity to him. Should fix the majority of "Necro being morbid/macbre" issues.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 111
8/26/2009 20:03:06   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

I C WUT U DID THAR.

Indeed it did make Necro more of a man than a, well, Lawful Evil Monk of the Order of the Long Death. The only thing I could possibly pick apart now is that the justification edit seemed to be longer than it should be - you know, adding 2-3 pages' worth of word counts for justification at the beginning may (I said, may, because this is a subjective opinion) have a negative impact on the flow.

Anyway, it's much better to see a more human-like protagonist. I'm tired of this friggin' Light Yagami with this friggin' Death Note type of protagonist already.
DF  Post #: 112
8/26/2009 20:08:13   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Haven't actually seen Death Note, but planning to. But yes, I do understand what you mean. Next chapter will be a big emotional explosion that will effectively end Girm's little "suppression" spell on Necro.

WHEN it will be up, no idea, but stay tuned!

< Message edited by Ultrapowerpie -- 8/26/2009 20:10:16 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 113
8/26/2009 23:31:31   
Argeus the Paladin
Member

Right, so, that aside, I'm on my way to slash apart chapter 5 through 6 today.

6) Chapter 5

Nice fight scene. Not to mention an intelligent way for a necromancer to deal with undead enemies. However, I should have seen it coming earlier, what with the OOC being flooded with zombie apocalypse polls in which everyone goes "so imma necromancer so i'll CONTROL THEM ALL !!!!1111!!!!"

quote:

To think that one month, one week and two days ago you were first randomly teleported to this world and you couldn’t even defeat a simple Slimey.


Is that supposed to be a Dragon Quest reference? Or is it just me and my addiction to Sanzenin Nagi's antics?

quote:

EVA materialized a holographic mannequin in front of Grim and Necro, who were in the center of the room. Unlike the other holograms, this one was completely solid, not just a transparent image.


*raises hand* Question! A horologram is supposed to be transparent by definition

quote:

hologram (plural holograms)

1. A three dimensional image; unlike regular images which are usually two dimensional, a three dimensional image or hologram, appears to "pop out" of the media which it is printed on or illuminated from. Hologram images are usually created by using a single laser beam which is split and splashed onto the object and finally onto the film.


There is no such thing, in pactice and theory, as a solid hologram. You might want to try calling this entity something else.

quote:

The Poison Finger spell is quite handy if you are going to eliminate a target without attracting attention. Simply poke the person, and watch them die slowly. You do need to touch flesh though; it won’t work if you just poke their clothing.


*DnD geek raises hand* But I thought a Touch Attack can do fine even if it just touches the creature's armor!

quote:


“I think that boy’s going to be leaving us tomorrow EVA”


YEEESH!! Finally we can leave this training hall for good!

You all know that tutorials are the banes of most gamers, don't you?

Overall comment: Let's just say I've been too happy with the notion of leaving this desolated place to think of anything else by now. But if you insist, I'd just like a minor heads up: Taunting is done with relative ease both in real life and other RPGs. We actually don't need a truckload of death energy to invoke anger. See what I mean?

7) Chapter 6

quote:

Another week passed since Necro got his first good night’s rest for a good while, a week filled with more intense training, random drills (but not while Necro was asleep, as promised), giant feasts, explanation of some of the customs of Tipa, and other useful things that he would need in order to survive.


*twitches* Just some sentences ago you've had this,

quote:


“I think that boy’s going to be leaving us tomorrow EVA”


Contradiction galore!

quote:

Fortunately, only Grim’s head was hit by the blast as it was sent flying into a nearby monitor and then proceeded to bounce around the room.


You are purposefully making a running gag out of this, aren't you?

quote:

you didn’t do a up down up down left left right right combo


Because everyone loves the classic Konami cheat code (Whether or not Konami equates KonataxKagami depends entirely on your imagination)

quote:

“Fine, and from what you told me, it looks like there’s no local annoying rich landlord in the town that I need to practice my Machiavellian tactics on.”


I love the smell of Dark Side overshadowing in the morning (no pun intended)

quote:

Before you go, I think that you need a fuzzy adorable traveling companion to act as party mascot and comic relief. Mog

...

“Wait, isn’t this a moogle from Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles, owned by Square Enix? What on earth is it doing here?”


We call this Author Appeal, friend. In a suitable dosage it is hilarious. If overused it's as deadly to a fictional work as heroin overdose. See The Inheritance Series? But worry not - everything is under control out here.

Overall comment: As of now your prose hasn't lost its charms yet - funny, semi-seriousness put together in a fine mix. Just take care of the contradiction as I've shown and all should be just fine.

That being said, I'm getting ready for classes now. My mid-sem exam is in a week's time - and I'm still slacking off like this. Not good :S

< Message edited by Argeus the Paladin -- 8/26/2009 23:32:06 >
DF  Post #: 114
8/27/2009 14:48:06   
BadHulk
Member

I found alot of typo's... Though I'm to lazy to find em again... ._. Poor me and you. Cant wait till next chaptah... Also... I kinda dislike the name >.>

_____________________________

AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 115
8/28/2009 21:46:09   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Behold the most epic chapter in the story yet! Witness an amazing fight, with a serious twist at the end! This will completely change the course of the story! It also means an end to these side plots/quests and teh return to the main quest! Hurray!

@Aregus- Yes, a shout out to Dragon Quest.

Hologram I take from Star Trek's Hologram. You'll have to get over that as I'm way too lazy to make up my own term :P

Yes, I had a change of heart there, and purposely catch the reader off gaurd by getting their hopes up and then dashing them at the last second. That's my style, obviously. :P

Yes, it's a running gag, get used to it :P

There may be more Author's Appeal then you would think... I like to borrow cool stuff from other genres.... It's a weakness XD
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 116
8/28/2009 22:36:22   
Nightly
Member

Well its very late, and I'll only be able to read this, not critique it. So until 5 o' clock, you'll be relying on Argeus for the critequing.

Either I missed the twist, or there isn't one.

< Message edited by Nightly -- 8/28/2009 22:47:15 >
Post #: 117
8/29/2009 10:38:55   
deathwalker05
Member

Well, i saw the "twist" in that chapter, and ill leave it at that
AQ  Post #: 118
8/29/2009 10:42:03   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Clearly you didn't read the ending of teh fight, or it was just too epic for you to handle.

Did y'all like the fight? I want to know if the larger fight scenes are better, or if we need to have more balance between action and dialouge? Or did y'all see that twist coming from a mile away? Too cliche? I can fix that if needed :P

< Message edited by Ultrapowerpie -- 8/29/2009 10:52:33 >
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 119
8/29/2009 11:35:25   
BadHulk
Member

I liked tah epic battle o.o... Go Jenna and Necro! :D I'm so proud of them *Sniff*...

Also, will they actually get a relationship? I dont hope it will get something like me and my gf has, its like:

Me: Babe, I love you
She: I love you to
Etc >.>

Just keep fighting and do some small love scenes.

I like the daemonic thing.
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 120
8/29/2009 21:21:30   
Gianna Glow
Member

I loved it! Thanks for hurrying Pie! That was beyond awesome! I laughed so hard! The Black Acid thing was so cool. I was also genuinely suprised that the giant-pie thing showed up. It made sense as well, so congrats. However, about the Black Acid (this may just be my mind being funny), but i think I remember Grim mentioning before that there was no combo that water and death could do. Did they just make it up? Or am I completely mistaken? (which is always an option...)
Anyways, I loved it and PLEASE hurry up with the next one!!!
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 121
8/29/2009 22:15:49   
Erason
Member

AGHH! The Spoilers! I haven't finished reading the story yet, still on chapter 17...It's beyond awesomeness, I'll grant you that!
AQ DF  Post #: 122
8/29/2009 22:39:02   
deathwalker05
Member

I thought it was reapers of opposite elements, so no life and death. Also, i belive it was refering to jaina and reaver, water and fire, opposing elements. Hope that helps. =)
AQ  Post #: 123
8/29/2009 22:45:50   
Ultrapowerpie

Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest


Deathwalker is correct, it was Reaver and Jenna who can't perform a combo. Opposites cannot perform a combo.

Yay, Erason is here, another new reader :D

I'll see if I can't whip up the start for the new mini-arc tomorrow :o
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 124
8/29/2009 23:07:58   
KageArashi
Member

Holy Fried Twinkies on a STICK! That's a lot of reading to do! I read the first portion of it, really good stuff. I like the whole concept of multiple dimensions and universes, it just puts a new spin when they collide!

Hmm, I guess I should finish reading this epic!

Ninjat Poof!
--KageArashi
Post #: 125
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