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Tainted Soul : Comments Thread

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2/22/2010 11:40:02   
Alpha Atom
Member

Tainted Soul

Novel Thread



< Message edited by Alpha Atom -- 2/22/2010 11:41:23 >
AQW Epic  Post #: 1
2/22/2010 17:00:04   
ringulreith
Member

Hello! I see you got accepted, congratulations! I'll go through your story more critically later, but right now only one thing comes to mind.
quote:


At one point he swore the dust floated in the shape of a skull. Just as he was trying to convince
himself it was just the light, he jumped as the floorboards downstairs creaked.

Unless Obsidian literally swor out loud, and was talking to himself that the skull shape was not real, that sentense doesn't fit since the point of view of the passage is from Spirit Death's perspective, so he can't know what Obsidian is thinking. Unless, of course, Spirit Death can read minds...

That's all for now, and grats again.
Post #: 2
2/23/2010 15:04:45   
Relentless
Member

Hey, Alpha Atom! Glad you got approved! I've read your narrative so far, I like it so far, the description is good, hoping to see more. :D
DF  Post #: 3
3/4/2010 15:33:30   
Alpha Atom
Member

@Ont; Thank you for the comment, I never realised I'd even done that, I'm just changing it now though.

@Relentless; Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you like my story.

Also, there's going to be a rather big plot change, just to keep me interested and make it less predictable.
AQW Epic  Post #: 4
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