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(DF)Chronicles of a Hunter

 
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1/9/2011 21:44:44   
Imaru
Member

Please feel free to comment, critique, and point out any errors In My story found HERE
AQ DF  Post #: 1
1/12/2011 19:20:01   
guthixnite
Member

me likey, but i've already read that. please write more!!! PLEASE!!!
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 2
1/12/2011 19:31:51   
G.I.G.A.
Member

Yep, I remember reading it as a war story, too. Still, it was and is pretty good. I'll do a further analysis when I have time.

Edit: Some mistakes I found.

quote:

He enjoys the hunt. And he even enjoys when (t)he mark hunts him.


Fix in bold. Also, consider joining the two sentences. It's awkward to start a sentence with a conjunction.

quote:

“No it('s) just dead because he found it that way.”


Fix in bold. Also, consider adding a comma after "No", but don't if it doesn't agree with the way he speaks.

quote:

As Imaru Pushed through the crowd


De-capitalize pushed.

There are a few stylistic mistakes I see, but they should be fine.

< Message edited by G.I.G.A. -- 1/12/2011 19:42:10 >


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