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RE: (AQ/DF) Legacy of Blood

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3/8/2012 15:35:43   
Glais
Member

Actually, I can't remember what it was I didn't understand now...

Anyhow, eh it felt alright to me. Maybe wince it was Darkovia that alone set the mood?

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 3/8/2012 15:36:16 >
DF MQ  Post #: 101
6/4/2012 8:43:18   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 I added a short story which was inspired by a piece of music I found.

Creation.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 102
6/6/2012 8:05:17   
lordkaho
Creative!


 The poem pretty much echoes Himmel's feelings, so full of glittering happiness that end in frustration and guilt. Awesome, I love it DD!
DF MQ  Post #: 103
6/9/2012 7:22:44   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @lordkaho: Thanks.


CHAPTER XII: "Where the Falcon reaches for the Sky"
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 104
6/9/2012 17:03:06   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 Comments as promised.

Like the new chapter- not many comment on the Guardians and it is always refreshing to see them. So, the Guardians are town based? I thought in DF they were kinda an elite army of Alteon's, doing whatever was needed (...okay, Im guessing). And forces are low... you think the monsters we plow through wouldn't be that hard, but then again hero is overpowered. So the head is hiding the loses from the young ones... may blow up on him if they figure out the truth. Is Myra the same as the Loremaster in the Keep, or similar name? Ah, niave fighters. Lets see how long THAT stays... then again, they get easy-ish tasks. Nice diverting their attention, head guardian.

Don't really see any flaws in this. My only question is why we went from Azer to the Guardians... but otherwise no query. Keep it up!
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 105
6/9/2012 17:25:26   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Shadow Ravena: This chapter is meant to show the events that transpire after chapter XI. (You did read about the patrol, didn't you?)

Did you do the thing with the music I've mentioned at the beginning of the chapter? If you did, you can see Myra standing in the same room as you are and Mindi just outside of the room. Chiku was the previous Loremaster of the tower, but she died when Sepulchure's fortress crashed into the Guardian Tower. (You can still see her in one of the earlier quests where we quest for the secret of Bacon.)

The whole thing about the Guardian Arena is a way of me saying that it really wasn't too hard back in the days, but now it's at least a decent challenge. Just think how it was years before we arrived at Falconreach?

quote:

So, the Guardians are town based?

I assume you know the true reason of their existence is to guard the towers (and their content). Towns gradually formed around them as people sought protection from monsters and vile men. Of course they were originally a group of knights who were sent by their King to uncover mysterious events that transpired, but they now serve a higher purpose. We don't see them a lot out of town however, despite sometimes being given clues of times when things were different. It also seems that in battle, they are (apart from citizens) the first to fall. (See Willowshire/Amityvale.)

quote:

Lets see how long THAT stays... then again, they get easy-ish tasks.


Just you wait and read. It will take a little while though.

Next chapter we'll be returning to the protagonist's point of view. I'm having some trouble finding reliable resources on the characters I'll be writing about though. I can fill in the details myself, but I'd like a better idea of the situation before I write it down.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 106
6/9/2012 22:31:02   
Shadow Ravena
Paladin of Shadows


 @DD Ya I did read the earlier chapter... guess I should have clarified my question as to why we started following them there.

And no I didn't- was lazy I'll admit. Sorry!

Interesting... and makes sense. I wouldn't have thought to do that- even though my story is years before the main one :p

I kinda knew that kinda forgot.

Well, to be expected I suppose. I shall have to wait and see....

heh. Don't have that alot from writers. Good luck!
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 107
6/15/2012 0:02:41   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Those three are so dead. Shrike-esque Teams are more often synonymous to redshirt characters.

DF MQ  Post #: 108
6/15/2012 12:34:30   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @lordkaho: Hmhm.

spoiler:

Certain .... precautions are being made.


First things first though.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 109
6/19/2012 4:31:08   
Glais
Member

quote:

He said, completely oblivious to her previous remark and then he spoke the magic words which made her reach for the little sun pendant around her neck.

Feels a bit run-on-y to me. Also, what is Barrowdell? o:

Anyhow, I quite liked both chapters. The Darkovia one had an interesting atmosphere and the one on Guardians provided some nice insight into things.

Now I wonder, why would they keep sending Guardians there...
DF MQ  Post #: 110
6/19/2012 8:38:21   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @glaisaurus_x: Glad you liked the chapter. We'll be seeing more of the Guardians in future chapters as I give answers to questions some haven't even bothered asking.

Do you have any suggestions for the run-on-y sentence?

Barrowdell is a Guardian Tower town mentioned in AQ, which I'm using to make the guardians look smarter. (Dummy towers.)

spoiler:

Maybe you should ask yourself why those Guardians walked there in the first place, if they were scared of getting killed by someone or something which did horrible things to Guardians.


Part of it is that they bore of hanging around the Guardian Tower all day long (as explained through dialogue). That and they have duties to fulfill, which will be further story material for me to work with. Still, <insert spoiler here>? The doubter doesn't strike me as the type who would take the chance.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 111
6/19/2012 15:08:30   
Glais
Member

Dummy Towers is actually pretty smart.

And well, not really. Breaking it up into two sentences would work but I don't know the specifics.

What I wonder now is how this relates to the plot with the Dravir and main protagonist...
DF MQ  Post #: 112
6/20/2012 20:45:32   
lordkaho
Creative!


 @DD

The nature of this "killer" that has been preying on the Guardian patrols is still kinda vague though. How related were the murders of merchants and adventurers in Moonridge to the Guardians? I would like to see the causes of death if we can see a pattern to how the culprit killed them. Being so close to the vicinity of Doomwood, one would immediately tie this to be the deed of a monster of the night, but it might also be a clever cover up for would be spies who would want to break enemy lines by creating rumors and fear that might eventually lead to an even greater loss of morale and mass hysteria amongst the populace of Falconreach and neighboring towns.

DF MQ  Post #: 113
6/21/2012 5:01:30   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

How related were the murders of merchants and adventurers in Moonridge to the Guardians?


There were never any adventurers or merchants killed (in that way). It was a way to cover up that someone was out to get rid of the Guardians.

spoiler:

I also never said that all of the murders had been committed around Moonridge.


quote:

I would like to see the causes of death if we can see a pattern to how the culprit killed them.

The causes of death were pretty much described by the nervous Guardian, before he met a similair fate.

spoiler:

I look forward to seeing your reaction when I finally reveal the main villain.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 114
6/21/2012 21:02:30   
lordkaho
Creative!
quote:

their armour was ripped open like it was nothing, their shields were cut in half and their heads were impaled on their own weapons.


This denotes a creature with immense strength, may or may have a really sharp bladed weapon (or claws for that matter; if you want to get fancy, a spell blade if it's a magus), and definitely barbaric, yet somehow intelligent. No random creature, no matter how monstrous it is, would just impale its enemies on their own weapons. They would have killed instead due predatory instincts to feed or as a form of self defense. The culprit however, is more than sentient.

Hopefully, the identity of this guardian butcher isn't something...whimsical. lol. I hate reveals like that...

Ha ha ha...







Ha ha...

Wait a sec...


BY JOVE, I sure hope you don't mean HIM

spoiler:

It's the Seeker, isn't it?
DF MQ  Post #: 115
6/21/2012 21:07:47   
Glais
Member

That was my first guess too. Though Dwelling seemed to hint just now that
spoiler:

The main antagonist hasn't already been revealed, so I assume it isn't him. Also the Seeker was somewhat...naive to be the big bad. Which this Rending Creature is hinted to be.
DF MQ  Post #: 116
6/21/2012 21:11:57   
lordkaho
Creative!
spoiler:

If it isn't him, then this villain must know of the Seeker and is doing all these atrocities to throw the blame at him. And considering he's now in league with Azer, it may generate even more distrust and confusion. Though, is Azer even aware of the recent killings? He might be busy mastering that new spell the Dravir Lich taught him.
DF MQ  Post #: 117
6/21/2012 21:16:01   
Glais
Member

spoiler:

As the Guardian seems to be the only one in on it, I doubt Azer knows. Heck, the two Dravir teachers might not even know. There wouldn't be many logical ways for them to monitor Darkovia, MoonRidge, and DoomWood after all. The Seeker seems a bit minor at this point to be involved, unless all around him was part of something bigger...
DF MQ  Post #: 118
6/21/2012 21:20:57   
lordkaho
Creative!


 Hmm, well you have a point. I guess I jumped to conclusions too fast. It's just that it was the first thing that came to my mind since Guardians were the primary target. The killer may have an ulterior motive besides create an air of terror.
DF MQ  Post #: 119
6/21/2012 21:27:32   
Glais
Member

<_> I TOTALLY forgot the entire nature of Seekers themselves. Nevermind. Why you came to that conclusion makes a LOT more sense now.
Maybe it's...
spoiler:

ANOTHER Seeker? Or Calladus the DragonMaster?
DF MQ  Post #: 120
6/22/2012 14:18:11   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 *Puts on armour, boots, gloves, cloak and hood.*

I posted an entry for a future chapter in the AQ story contest, as such it could be considered to be somewhat of a spoiler.

http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=20354442&mpage=1&key=?

Read it at your own risk!

< Message edited by Dwelling Dragonlord -- 6/22/2012 14:32:13 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 121
6/22/2012 15:16:23   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 Hey Dwelling, so I finally got time to read through the first chapter.

And I must say, you have a fairly unique style that somehow merges your story with a poem. And the combination flows beautifully to form a description.

Talking of inconsistencies, I seem to be having trouble visualising the setting. Fleshing-out, as they say. Throw some nuances as to the Dravir's age, outer appearance. What did the boy look like? What did the cave look like? Stuff like that helps readers, especially me to visualise. Thats how I start liking a story and relating myself with it.

And once I visualise it, my next thought is, how would an Original Character of mine fit in this universe?

Apart from this, a few grammar typos.

Overall verdict from my side is, it's very maturely written. I would like to read more. :)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 122
6/22/2012 15:55:19   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Arthur Dragonlord: While I can understand most of the arguments with visualization, rest assured that the cave's appearance will be further described in chapters you haven't read yet.

The boy looks quite a bit like young Artix, wears a commoner's shirt and pants and leather shoes. He does have other clothes like robes, but doesn't wear them often.

The dravir has wrinkles. (If he were human, he would likely have a grey beard by now. Dravirs don't grow beards though.)

Be sure to remember me should I forget to add these details.

quote:

And once I visualise it, my next thought is, how would an Original Character of mine fit in this universe?

I gave it a lot of trouble and thought to make this story work for both AQ and DF-canon. It should fit in, lest your own character does so as well.
quote:

Apart from this, a few grammar typos.

Indeed.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 123
6/27/2012 15:46:31   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


 Read Chapter 2.

Most simply planned out.
Nothing complex, guy is out to get ingredients for his master when he witnesses an orc being attacked by bandits and a new guy makes his aplearance. Your style of writing is simple, yet it has a quality that evades my sense of visualisation, I wonder why.

Anyways, as part of my research on your hero, I have located a notable trait in his nature:
Politeness

He seems deceptively easy to handle I must say. Deceptively so.

Lets hope I can retain this quality of his when I portray him in WotS.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 124
6/27/2012 15:47:44   
Glais
Member

Hh, you should quite enjoy the later chapters then. I know I did.
DF MQ  Post #: 125
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