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(DF)Fallen Angel Comments and Criticism

 
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3/3/2011 2:57:18   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


Story

I have only written one chapter up till now.
And I intend to keep going.
Hope you like my story and do tell me abt my mistakes and errors.

< Message edited by Arthur Dragonlord -- 4/11/2011 3:26:02 >
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 1
3/5/2011 4:39:03   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


Updated with the 2nd chapter.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 2
4/11/2011 3:25:10   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


It's progressing a bit slow, but the 3rd chapters here.
Hope you like the story.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 3
4/11/2011 5:33:35   
Mortarion
Member

Tell me the main outlet of it, I meant the general plot, ya know to know if it's of mi liking
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
4/11/2011 10:12:04   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


Well, the thing here is that ariel is one of the angels too, arthur gets to know that towards the end and he feels alone.
But, a sacrifice on his part clarifies his side, and then there's an epic battle.
But for now, arthur needs a dragon.
How bout it?
P.s. Do i have any errors?
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 5
4/11/2011 11:53:38   
Mritha
Legendary AdventureGuide!


Very interesting story!

Though you left out quite a few spaces.
quote:

'You should know better than to come uninvited Lancelot.'boomed the Green Dragon.

quote:

'What did you call me?Wraith?You dare insult me

quote:

standing up to his full height.'Explain yourself petty mongrel,

quote:

roared back the Dragon.'I hate that Knight and I hate Lore,

quote:

'Go daddy go!!Go.'came a voice from the cliff.

quote:

trying to get back at the brown dragon.As soon as he and Eldrangier were side by side

quote:

'You grow better,'said Lord Ariel

quote:

he couldn't see 1 metre ahead of him.All he could see was rain falling

quote:

occassional crackle of lightning.He strained to hear anything

quote:

Ariel walking beside him.They made their way through the darkness

quote:

Arthur thought,'It's almost been 10 years since the day

quote:

he stumbled into the arms of the Dagger master.'Ariel!Where's my son?Where is he?'

quote:

and hugged his father.'I am glad you are alright son. I was so worried.'Lancelot managed to say,'Take me home.Please.' The three left from there.

quote:

Blood had seeped out of it.Serenity tended to it and then turned to the other two,'Are you two hungry?'said she.'Get something for Arthur. I ain't hungry.'said Ariel.Serenity looked solemnly

quote:

Lancelot's wounds for some time and then asked,'Where were you?

quote:

Eldrangier.......he's gone.Forever.'

quote:

'What is the Council of Angels?'asked Arthur looking at Ariel.

quote:

'Uhh....Father did. What is it?'asked Arthur, interested.

quote:

won't peek into any of this business.Promise me.'said Ariel concerned.

quote:

DragonLords who are also, the elites.'said Ariel.

quote:

' And were these DragonLords strong?'asked Arthur.

quote:

are they real angels?'asked Arthur.

quote:

said Ariel,'It's getting dark, we should leave.

There should be a space between everything underlined :)
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 6
4/11/2011 12:20:32   
Arthur
How We Roll Winner
Dec14


On it.
Wow mritha, you reading this story means a lot to me.
In fact all of u guys.
DF MQ AQW  Post #: 7
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