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(AQ) Erebus Wright Comments and Discussion ~Chapter 2 Released~

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10/26/2011 22:23:48   
Sierra_Nocturne
Constructive!


 Erebus Wright is my Adventure Quest character and this is my attempt to flesh him out. Mostly AE, a little bit of Grecian mythology and quite a bit of humor. Don't take it too seriously and I think you'll enjoy it.

Would love constructive criticism and feedback, thanks!

< Message edited by Sierra_Nocturne -- 10/30/2011 11:44:56 >
AQ DF  Post #: 1
10/27/2011 5:05:31   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 Standard procedure, typo-hunting.

quote:

Igenox, Erebus noticed, was bleeding heavily from the side and seemed to have several chunks of rock embedded in his haunches.


Igneox

quote:

a liaison between Igenus and Lucian


Igneus

I see you're taking this from the Paxian point of view (storywriting I mean), it was bound to happen eventually.
I personally found the piece up till the teleportation to be the most interesting, from there on it was more thrilling.

Check my story out, should you find the time.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 2
10/27/2011 18:35:38   
Sierra_Nocturne
Constructive!


 I definitely will, and thanks for the corrections!

Overall, do you have any commentary about the way the story is going or Erebus's character?
AQ DF  Post #: 3
10/27/2011 18:47:13   
.Discipline
Member

Loved it. Especially the flat out denial of a backstory. It's nice to see another Nocturan writing, I'd love to see Dalarai making a strange appearance in this. Excellent so far, looking forward to more. Keep it up.


_____________________________
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 4
10/27/2011 19:26:03   
Sierra_Nocturne
Constructive!


 Thanks so much! I'm definitely planning to have Dalarai and Elryn appear at some point.

Anyone here a fan of Greek mythos?
AQ DF  Post #: 5
10/27/2011 19:34:57   
.Discipline
Member

Love Greek mythos. Erebus, personification of darkness, along with his sister and wife, Nyx, ended up releasing all of the world's woes. (not like Pandora's Box, but the deictic personas of those woes, such as Thanatos, God of Death and The Oneiroi, Twin Demi-Gods of Dreams and Nightmares) Erebus in mythology is a very interesting character, here's hoping he will live up to his namesake here.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
10/28/2011 21:22:49   
Sierra_Nocturne
Constructive!


 I think he will. At least, I hope he will. He's not nearly as much of a jerk as he comes off, but that doesn't mean he isn't a fairly bad person.
AQ DF  Post #: 7
10/29/2011 9:57:40   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 @Sierra_Nocturne: Well, I think that the personality of Erebus is different from the traditional "hero" (not sure if you can even call him such), he is nothing but a BloodKnight who seeks out battle. You are doing a great job at making him unsympathatic, though the sulfur was a bit much. The way I see him, he possesses a sort of cruel wisdom.


I'm mostly interested as to how he and Dalarai go along and how he will react once he (finds out that they stole Nocturu's energies*) witnesses Jacques's dark transformation.


*That's personal speculation on my part regarding the dark transformation, so feel free to ignore that.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 8
10/29/2011 11:34:02   
Sierra_Nocturne
Constructive!


 I'd call him a protagonist. Hero is probably quite a bit too far at this point. He's pragmatic and totally to the point about how he feels. I'd describe him as a living, breathing Id.
AQ DF  Post #: 9
10/30/2011 2:08:41   
Sierra_Nocturne
Constructive!


 New chapter up. Let's see what you guys think...
AQ DF  Post #: 10
10/30/2011 17:06:02   
sysdragonfable
Member

read the first chapter and symphatized with the main character(full black armor and a warmonger? talk about coincedence.) I also found myself being drawn to read this which is shocking as I am not the fantasy reader type(more into mysteries). I also love your unique comparisons, for example.

quote:

A cloud of darkness so black the bogey-man would have fled from it


Very unique sir(or ma'am). Would read chapter two but unfortunally duty calls. Key word is duty.(think about what it sounds like...)
DF  Post #: 11
10/30/2011 17:36:36   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

Pontus stepped up in front of the clan leaders. He was clean cut, his white armor gleaming like a torch as he stood in front of the gathered assemblage. His soft blue hair - dyed, of course - rustled gently in the breeze. Erebus shook his head in wonder. The man was practically a god, both in looks and presence.


I sort of expected a joke here as to him being a demon(ic-like presence).

quote:

the mightiest dragon to ever live.


This sounds a bit weird, I don't know.

quote:

You are to follow the commands on your clan leaders.


of

quote:

Hemmer watched Erebus with wary eyes as he whipped the Paxians into a fury.


Hemera?

quote:

a juggernaut of vengeance, slaw and utterly unstoppable as he cut down everything in his path.


slow?

Well, that was interesting. The demonic description (sort of) came later, that said is Nyx another character that belongs to you?
First time she was described in battle I thought her to be a romance for Erebus later on.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 12
3/10/2012 12:44:21   
Elryn

Custodian (DF)


 *Elryn grins and claps*

Most enjoyable. The story context is terribly interesting. I am curious to see how the story of the Paxia Rush War will be told and how it will play out from this angle. I found no mistakes, but that could have been out of being too engrossed in the story *chuckles*.

Will just the Warmongers of Battleon come into play or the rest of the Guardians and Adventurers as well?
AQ  Post #: 13
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