(HS) Desperate Measures discussion


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11/11/2011 16:58:51

Vector
Member

yeah, i think this is it right here where you talk about the story.

before you even ask, this is meant to be an alternate take on my first story where the main character leaves his 'home' after the park war instead of during it.

Post #: 1

11/11/2011 22:46:02

Crystal Lion
Member

Is this what you wanted to hold off Unexpected Circumstances for? Well, ouch, poor Demo, anyway. Ouch for a bruised ego, I mean.

Post #: 2

11/11/2011 23:02:31

Vector
Member

yeah this is it. couldn't help but wonder how the story would play out if Psi was unleased on the city after the park incident (as said above)
this is going to be the result

Post #: 3

11/12/2011 12:46:05

Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!

I have to admit, it's an interesting idea. Circumstances would be completely different, so alot could change.

For instance, you/he might never fall in love with Demolicious... and she herself might hate him as a villain, because of the lack of the initial actions agains DaVinci...

But enough speculation; On to the show:

Diamonds among the coals, eh? Interesting to note that Demolicious was captured after the war in your version of events, instead of fleeing to HeroSpire...

This conversation is especially amusing with their relationship in your other story in mind. XP

You know, what I was thinking could happen here is that he could be the equivalent to her of what she had been to him in the last story, with noone trusting/respecting her after it was revealed she was going to sell the malachite... albeit she'd be in a better possition than him, and if he tried to join in on the heroics as well, that could be even worse for her reputation, and they would be looked down upon with distaste by both heroes and villains...

I wonder who, if anyone took out the DaVinci Power Tank with you not having done so; Me? Some other big name hero, or something? Or would it never have been destroyed at all?... although I find that terribly unlikely.

I blame the fact that most ofthe villains he had seen are arrogant/pompous jerks for the heel/face turn...

I take it the "soft object" was her hand. lol

I suppose if she wasn't captured she probably would have told someone else about her father's problem, but anywho... This reminds me how I sorely wish I could have given her the money to help her father in-game...

Nice start, I suppose.

Post #: 4

11/12/2011 14:42:21

Vector
Member

quote:

For instance, you/he might never fall in love with Demolicious... and she herself might hate him as a villain, because of the lack of the initial actions agains DaVinci...

the latter would've been guaranteed if she wasn't desperate, but still possible nonetheless. the former... you'd have to drag me kicking and screaming to make me do something like that, and even then i wouldn't hold my breath on it

quote:

Diamonds among the coals, eh? Interesting to note that Demolicious was captured after the war in your version of events, instead of fleeing to HeroSpire...

DOES NOT COMPUTE... seriously, i'm not sure what you mean by that

quote:

You know, what I was thinking could happen here is that he could be the equivalent to her of what she had been to him in the last story, with noone trusting/respecting her after it was revealed she was going to sell the malachite... albeit she'd be in a better possition than him, and if he tried to join in on the heroics as well, that could be even worse for her reputation, and they would be looked down upon with distaste by both heroes and villains...

my thoughts exactly, but only if they found out about it.

quote:

I blame the fact that most ofthe villains he had seen are arrogant/pompous jerks for the heel/face turn...

yep, same as last time lol, only here it's a little more obvious

quote:

I take it the "soft object" was her hand. lol

he wouldve known that if he looked at her at that time lol

Post #: 5

11/13/2011 20:18:58

Crystal Lion
Member

I think Drakkonis meant that Demo was caught by Davinci and laughed at. Though I'm unsure of the Herospire part he mentioned. Did she hide herself in shame there?

Post #: 6

11/13/2011 22:59:42

Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!

In-game, she went to HeroSpire after the war, presumably to seek safe haven, or not, idk. She was not captured by DaVinci permanently, but was released almost instantly, because DaVinci's an idiot.

Post #: 7

11/13/2011 23:34:36

Vector
Member

quote:

In-game, she went to HeroSpire after the war, presumably to seek safe haven, or not, idk. She was not captured by DaVinci permanently, but was released almost instantly, because DaVinci's an idiot.

correction, he's a crazy idiot, not just an idiot :P
somebody in the story's gonna get a nasty surprise, and Demo's gonna have to rely on the cyborg to help find, and fix, her problems since there's no way she can do it on her own

EDIT: i just realized that AE never mentioned anything about Demo's mom at all... i guess that's left to us here in the fanfiction area to determine that?

< Message edited by Vector -- 11/14/2011 16:25:07 >

Post #: 8

11/14/2011 17:38:08

Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!

I say here mother should be dead, to increase the sadness/mediocrity of her background as you currently are portraying it.

Post #: 9

11/14/2011 17:50:29

Vector
Member

*gasps* how cruel! you are so not a hero if you... bah, who am i to complain? i was thinking the same thing

Post #: 10

11/14/2011 18:39:03

Goldstein
Member

Nice start. As always, you have full control over Strebor. Use him (or not) as you see fit.

Now, I like how Experimental (no matter what, I can't call him anything but) is trying so very hard to be evil, but just can't bring himself to do it. Shows that he's aware that there's an opposite to evil. I wonder how he found out about good. Also, I almost see Demolicious and Experimental falling even more readily into love. I don't know why, but from what I can tell, they're already showing some chemistry. As for her mom, well, who's to say that she didn't abandon Demo as a child to go off and become a supervillain, forever hiding behind a mask?

Post #: 11

11/14/2011 18:48:57

Vector
Member

quote:

who's to say that she didn't abandon Demo as a child to go off and become a supervillain, forever hiding behind a mask?

ok, goldstein definitely wins the most cruel individual award, bar none. now go see if your character strebor can find you a therapist

not sure what you mean by readily, but it will be faster than last story. oh, and i still know who you're talking about no matter what name you call him by, since he's supposed to be nameless in the first place (which i've said before i'm sure)

Post #: 12

11/14/2011 19:24:18

Goldstein
Member

Readily means more easily, or faster.

Post #: 13

11/14/2011 19:35:22

Vector
Member

there were different ways to put it, so i had to ask :/ but at least we thought the same thing

before i forget, demo's dad isn't going to have the flu like he did the last story. the more i thought about keeping the same illness, the more i detested the idea for not being serious enough

Post #: 14

11/14/2011 19:54:20

Goldstein
Member

Alzheimer? He slowly forgets his daughter's achievements, everything he's proud of her for, and instead only remembers the pain of having his wife leave him?

Post #: 15

11/14/2011 20:00:43

Vector
Member

nope, but i already figured out what i'll use

you will be surprised... and maybe even worried

Post #: 16

11/14/2011 21:44:59

Goldstein
Member

Boom! You. Are. WELCOME. That was totally my idea.

Totally.

Post #: 17

11/14/2011 21:56:33

Vector
Member

yeah yeah, don't get too excited goldilocks... yes i did just call you that :P

haven't seen a new chapter from you in a while, though. i'm guessing school is not being very generous lately?

Post #: 18

11/14/2011 22:22:48

Goldstein
Member

The SAT+my father's house (no Internet)+no Internet at my mother's house+laziness+International Baccalurate+job shadowing at the coroner's office=No chapter until this Friday. Blargh.

Post #: 19

11/15/2011 18:10:47

Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!

Glad to see you wrote a new chapter... Unfortunately, I am sick about now, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on reading/commenting on it very well, so maybe tomorow...

Oh, and I've foregone reading Strebor's comments, as well, so that I'll have more to comment on, and don't get spoilered.

Now... to actually read it...

Hmm... I like how you actually described the symptoms first this time before you brought in a doctor to diagnose them. It enriches the experience, and means it won't have the "WHY THE HECK DID YOU DO ALL THAT FOR SOMETHING SO STUPID?!?!?!?!?!" feel... although the fact that he only started even getting a headache "yesterday" still makes the War in the Park look like a tragic waste of lives, money, ect, even though DaVinci was on the other side, too... it makess it feel like it could have been avoided by strategic actions from a different leader, and makes her motives behind trying to get the Malachite seem... foolish- even though the concerns were validated.

Along, with that, she could have possibly had a hero with healing powers do something, considering her presumed connections within the Heroic League...

Hmm... Along with that, you didn't have medical capabilities last time... hope it actually doesn't use X-rays, considering the fact that using radiation without the safety vest thing in between you and the machine tends not to be safe, which is why they use one in the first place. This could lead to problems with his health, and if the sickness were found out to be one that he could fight off, that would not bode well for your possible relationship together, if, say, he got cancer from it.

I'm glad you actually had him have a serious health problem, this time, though... And no, though I have not lost either of my parents, I know you are right: there are truly few things that could effect you so much as losing one or both of them, especially at that young of an age.

A very somber scene... but beautifully crafted and writen.

Oh yes, and why would she hate his guts?... or would he mention that there?

I HATE IT WHEN MACHINES CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE (quasi-) HUMAN PSYCHE!!!!!!!!!

The 2 last ones, rather than just the last are the ones that seem most important to me...

This reminds me of Strebor's story, where he was like 'You seem to be in love,' and you were like 'Is that a type of virus?' lol

I was actually thinking it was something of the sort, once he was unresponsive, after the headache, and even before his being shown to be unconcious, I had suspicions...

The sad thing is, if she had told someone about the situation before then, other than possibly Strebor (seeing as there's a good chance he was told), that situation might have been soved before it could get too serious... I mean, medical professionals would probably want a payment, but if it was another hero, that would probably be another story.

...

And so, on to the commentary.

You mentioning Strebor being the most cruel person (writer), idea-wise there makes me think of Demo actually originally having been in a wealthy family, but then her mother was brutally murdered in front of her eyes as a child, and their family lost everything because her mother was the breadmaker of the family. She would have been driven to heroism after feelings of wishing she could have done something to save her mother mix with her ability to do so for others with her super powers she eventually develops.

Also, the screeny that appears to be Demo in SkullDeep makes me think she could have a twin sister that originally was a hero with her (explaining the similar outfit and color scheme), but eventually abandoned that, being disillusioned with the fact that, while they could save others, their heroics would do nothing for their monetary situation, and after Demo discovered this, she and her sister had a falling out, and her sister ran away from home to live in SD, leaving Demolicious with another lost member of her family, and contributing to the crushing blow she experienced when sh realised she was losing the only family she had left.

^Beat that.

Goldilocks... lol

< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 11/16/2011 18:55:17 >

DF	Post #: 20

11/16/2011 18:57:59

Vector
Member

quote:

Hmm... Along with that, you didn't have medical capabilities last time... hope it actually doesn't use X-rays, considering the fact that using radiation without the safety vest thing in between you and the machine tends not to be safe, which is why they use one in the first place. This could lead to problems with his health, and if the sickness were found out to be one that he could fight off, that would not bode well for your possible relationship together, if, say, he got cancer from it.

i thought the same thing. i planned on using ultrasound, but since it can't penetrate bone very well, (which would be the skull itself in her dad's case) i had my doubts. i only said the device was like a portable x-ray since that was what it compared to; whether it actually was an x-ray or not, i can't say :/

quote:

Oh yes, and why would she hate his guts?

gee, other than the fact that villains don't get along very well with heroes, that would be a very interesting question :|

quote:

This reminds me of Strebor's story, where he was like 'You seem to be in love,' and you were like 'Is that a type of virus?' lol

bar none, that was my favorite part of his stories. i always got a kick out of it every time

Post #: 21

11/16/2011 20:31:12

Goldstein
Member

You have aroused the beast, Drakk. You want cruel? Then you're getting cruel.

Demo's father served as a soldier during a war (any war, doesn't matter) and he served faithfully and wrote a letter to his girlfriend ever day. One day, Demo's father was sent to investigate a sound outside his foxhole while the rest of his friends stayed behind. The noise was nothing, but as he was heading back to the foxhole, a mortar scored a direct hit, killing everyone and severely wounding Daddy. He was evacuated and as par regulations, he was forced to attend meetings with a psychiatrist. During his sessions, he listed the images of his friends' limbs falling down on him.

He was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and when he returned home, his girlfriend fled, disgusted by his mangled appearance. He turned to alcohol and spiraled into poverty. He then fell in love with his welfare case worker, and they eventually married and had a child. His wife, however, realized she did not love him, but instead pitied, him, and left him with their daughter just two years after their child's birth. She, however, was diagnosed with maternal depression, lost her job and her home, and resorted to robbery and crime to survive. Eventually she fell in bed with a crime boss, and became famous as a super villain for carrying out stupidly suicidal heists and acts. She prays that she will die on the next mission, as she hates her life. She has no idea her daughter became a super hero.

Demo's father, meanwhile, developed Alzheimer and liver problems related to his excessive drinking. His medical issues drained his pension, and he has come to depend on Demo for income. She in turn depends on the city to continue to reward her for her heroics. In these tough economic times, however, the city government has scaled these rewards back, and there has been talk of completely eliminating them. That is their sole source of income, and if it dries up, Demo has no idea how she will pay for her father's medication and treatment.

BEAT THAT SON.

< Message edited by Goldstein -- 11/16/2011 20:42:41 >

Post #: 22

11/16/2011 20:46:39

Vector
Member

hey hey hey! if you ladies wanna duke this out, do it by pm not in here!

(nice comeback, by the way)

Post #: 23

11/16/2011 20:51:46

Goldstein
Member

Hey! We're offering ideas for Demo's backstory! Jeez.

Post #: 24

11/16/2011 22:23:05

Vector
Member

hmm... that kinda makes me want to make an entire chapter solely focused on demo's possible backstory... but do i really want to do that?

Post #: 25

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