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RE: (Pre-DF) Past Present Discussion

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2/10/2012 1:26:10   
Glais
Member

They'd both be semi-Jacks of trades by the end of their training, so leaning SpellSword. The difference is Zairo tends to lean towards brute strength while Vendagar's more for a lot of smaller type strikes. Zairo prefers 1 hit kills, Vendagar will drag it on.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/10/2012 2:19:22 >
DF MQ  Post #: 51
2/12/2012 23:20:09   
Glais
Member

Alright guys, Chapter 2 is up. Be sure to let me know of any problems.

I may redo the Innocentius in the Throne room scene. It just felt awkward to me. Besides that, I'm fairly happy with the rest,Done with that, the TRUE plot is starting to be set up.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/12/2012 23:34:46 >
DF MQ  Post #: 52
2/12/2012 23:43:10   
lordkaho
Creative!


 I'll put up an in-depth review later since I'm on my cell phone. What an awesome chapter. I really like how you're setting up the golden king. Though, that scene with the messenger felt kinda narmy. I imagined the whole scene and couldn't help but chuckle.
DF MQ  Post #: 53
2/12/2012 23:46:19   
Glais
Member

Which version? I changed the messenger thing since I thought it was really stupid as well. You may want to reread that part (don't worry, it's short).

And alright, I await the review, thanks for reading, didn't expect you to get to it so fast xP
DF MQ  Post #: 54
2/13/2012 0:48:49   
Razen
Member

First, le corrections.

quote:

"No wonder I've had to take up all the work you were supposed to do, but that's not important! I was just told be father we're being sent to Riverine Keep! We leave tomorrow. Isn't that great?"


quote:

Zairo had always been the more relaxed of the duo. Picking a reason so stupid as "for fun's sake" was something he'd see as completely logical. Vendagar on the other hand, was relaxed, but also a large amount more hard working and serious.
I don't even know what to bold and underline here. I'll leave you to fix this...however...

quote:

"What was that about? How do you get to the south now?"
Missing a word are we?

quote:

"Eh, couldn't have you out here all alone now could I? Took the opportunity to steal a map from our cart. As for your second question:we walk.
RAGERAGERAGE. Add Quotation Mark at the end and a few words. <_>

quote:

"Excellent, thank you Emotion. I guess from here we go back to the plan then, right?"
I'm fairly certain that there is supposed to be a comma before Emotion.

So, now that what errors I noticed are noted...onto my comments. I have enjoyed both Chapter 1 and 2. I actually REALLY like how you change the perspective. The times I've read them before they seemed...horribly done in comparison.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 55
2/13/2012 0:58:57   
Glais
Member

Will fix the changes as soon as possible, which equals now since I'm not doing anything important (watching WRYYYY videos...). All noted errors fixed :D


quote:

So, now that what errors I noticed are noted...onto my comments. I have enjoyed both Chapter 1 and 2. I actually REALLY like how you change the perspective. The times I've read them before they seemed...horribly done in comparison.

Hm, could you elaborate, I kinda get it, but kinda don't.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/13/2012 1:03:30 >
DF MQ  Post #: 56
2/13/2012 1:08:48   
Razen
Member

What I'm referring to is in Ch2 when it switches between Zairos and Vendagar to Drahzr and the Golden King and so on. Just, the way it was done...felt...fluid. Not stiff and rigid compared to my...less than nice experiences with the Three Realms Saga or whatever. I oddly enough...don't read that much despite what most anyone I know would assume. <_>
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 57
2/13/2012 1:11:15   
Glais
Member

Oh yes. Though it was completely accidental, I now realize it is a nice effect. Going from somewhat stupid Z and V, to the more serious Golden King problem. Luckily, Chapter 3 should have at least some instance of that.

And yeah, I'm not super well-read either. I like to read, but I get distracted very easily.

EDIT:And added like, 1 sentence to Chapter 2's intro. Basically, it just states the Captain thinks the Escort is dead. Which he probably is.
EDIT2:Minor fixes I found.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/13/2012 4:28:36 >
DF MQ  Post #: 58
2/13/2012 6:18:21   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Nice addition! I agree with Razen when he says you go between the characters well. So is Emotion going to play a big part? For some reason he reminds me of one of the 3 pokemon of the lake in Pokemon Platinum/Diamond/Pearl...
DF  Post #: 59
2/13/2012 17:53:37   
Glais
Member

Thank you. And oh yes, Emotion will definitely play a huge part, even if he may not always be around.
DF MQ  Post #: 60
2/18/2012 6:25:11   
Glais
Member

First part of Chapter 3 is up.

Don't worry, dialogue WILL be touched up tomorrow. I just wanted to make SOME progress.

Notes:I do not know if Drageth will fit into this story correctly. If he goes against info in AQ, then I will switch him out for an original Slugwrath.
The DoomKnight Mage will be one of 3 main Antagonists, he is approximately 1.5 Sepulchures. The second of 3 will be introduced in this Chapter. No ETA on when the third will be.


Future info.
Basically, each segment of the training will be split up into an Elemental Arc. Light and Earth will likely be the two most important Arcs. Each place has a specific trainer pertaining to one of the Elements but I am open to/need suggestions on what those trainers should be. The first is obviouslu Riverine Keep for Fire.

Here's the ones decided thus far.

spoiler:


Light:A Sand-Elf thief in the SandSea. Uses his abilities to transform into light for a small fraction of a second allowing him to move at extreme speeds.
Earth: A young mountain. Reference to Crag from AQW, who claims his dad is a powerful Mountain. Will be the last Arc due to certain storyline things.
Wind:Possibly a Samurai Ghost. In this time, I am tossing around the idea of Sho'Nuff being mainly populated and controlled by Samurai.
Water:Secret


So yeah. let me know what ideas you have. I desperately need them.

< Message edited by glaisaurus_x -- 2/18/2012 6:29:13 >
DF MQ  Post #: 61
2/18/2012 7:41:26   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Perhaps for darkness it could be a tenebromancer who is trying to convince the people of Lore that darkness isn't naturally evil? After all, a lot of people think of darkness as inheritantly evil...perhaps he is being pushed out of society for studying the dark arts?
DF  Post #: 62
2/18/2012 14:52:39   
Glais
Member

Well one of the things stressed in the Darkness Arc will be that Dark is not evil. I'd rather it be something more unique than a Tenebromancer though, and I'm also up for suggestions as to what race the trainers should be. DF is a lot less racist at this point, so I would like to explore that.
DF MQ  Post #: 63
2/18/2012 15:05:31   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 A choice of race and more unique 'class'? I like the way your think!

So not a Tenebromancer...not a human...not evil...oh dear. I know someone who is not any of those...god help us if you use this idea...
[Dramatic build up]
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
[/Dramatic build up]
Zorbak.
DF  Post #: 64
2/18/2012 15:09:23   
Glais
Member

Wuld Zorbak have even been alive though? I don't think Moglins live that long. Logic aside, I hate Zorbak. Plus Ebil would technically be closer to Evil on the Alignment chart, so he wouldn't really work.

I have been tossing around the idea of it being an Undead or something but I don't know. I want it to be something very different from your typical take on Darkness.
DF MQ  Post #: 65
2/18/2012 15:19:56   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 Not Zorbak (phew). Ok. A new take on darkness that is not human, possibly undead and not evil (or even evil-aligned)...I'm sorry but I have terrible imagination. I'll need to think this one through for a while before I can try and help.
DF  Post #: 66
2/18/2012 15:22:44   
Glais
Member

That's fine. And it COULD be human I am just saying it does not necessarily have to be. I just want something unique...hm.
Off to AQ's encyclopedia for inspiration! They have so many interesting NPCs...
DF MQ  Post #: 67
2/18/2012 15:46:57   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 How about a dwarf? They live a lot underground...in the darkness...
DF  Post #: 68
2/18/2012 15:50:18   
Glais
Member

That could work. Will definitely add that as a possibility. Though, that may conflict with aomethging down the line.
DF MQ  Post #: 69
2/18/2012 15:52:15   
Varen6398
Friendly!, Constructive!
Creative!


 I assume that 'something' is not for my ears?
DF  Post #: 70
2/18/2012 15:54:43   
Glais
Member

Yeah, it is far too spoilerific. I think one person knows, maybe. But they do not quite know they know it yet.

Uh...yeah.
DF MQ  Post #: 71
2/18/2012 15:56:20   
Razen
Member

Hmm...brainstorming ideas for Elemental Sagas? Fun.

Ice: A Rogue Ice Elf who left the reign of Aisha's Ancestor, this Ice Elf will be a thief and named...Steve. Steve will also, coincidentally be Gary's Father...except Steve will be awesome. Likely, Steve will be wanting Aisha's Mother forcibly removed from the Throne and "Someone" will have to help him. Why Aisha's Mother needs removed from the Throne I'll leave to you.

Fire: A Dwarf, a Smith to be exact. He will want to reclaim an old Dwarven Fortress so that what Dwarves he knows can attempt to revive their past grandeur. The fortress, unfortunately, would obviously be guarded by a Dragon and a bunch of Dravir. The rest can be up to you.

Darkness: Hmm...A Sentient Darkness Embodiment, who calls himself Se'Raik...who will want you to help him remove a Light Demon from Doomwood who is destroying the land around him. Yes, a Darkness Demon versus a Light Demon and the Darkness is the good one, how's that for changing it up? Also, the Light Demon will specifically be tainting a temple dedicated to the Darkness Lord, with lots of Light Monsters with him to try and destroy it. Somewhere along the line there needs to be a reference to Lord Sytril, the sexiest Bag-Wearing Lich ever known to man. Maybe a distorted painting in the temple...

Energy: A Gnome? I don't really know exactly here. Maybe an Elf who wants some help with getting these "Heretical" Gnomes to leave or something. I dunno.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 72
2/18/2012 16:00:23   
Glais
Member

Haha, Steve. Clever, I'd almost forgotten about that.
As for Fire, well there's no reason there can't be Dwarves in Riverine, but basically the group as a whole trains them.
Eh, a Gnome would be kinda boring and predictable for Energy...unless they were teamed up with a big sentient Robot...hmmm.
DF MQ  Post #: 73
2/18/2012 16:05:50   
Razen
Member

Yes, Steve. He will never die, because he can't. :D

And, nothing about my idea for Darkness?

Also, I didn't have any real big ideas with Energy.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 74
2/18/2012 16:08:17   
Glais
Member

Well, I'm just not sure. An Embodiment of Darkness would be interesting, basically a Darkness Emental teaching them. More than that thouh, I like the Light Demon subplot. That's a bit more unique.
DF MQ  Post #: 75
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