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RE: (HS) The Brotherhood of Order Discussion

 
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3/28/2012 0:19:08   
Jessa K
Member
 

I'm not quite sure how well that'd work out, having so many different ideas for plots and endings. A bit of discussion on that might be a good idea. Just saying.

quote:

From what I can tell, the Knights are confronting the major players of Super City and either recruiting or incapacitating them before they launch their main attack.


Yeah, that's what I thought. (Wow... I seriously just spent a whole minute wondering why my iPod kept autocorrecting 'thogt'... Lol) The problem is, my character isn't a major player (yet, anyways) and I can't think of any reason for her to even get involved in the first place.
AQW  Post #: 126
3/28/2012 0:22:36   
Goldstein
Member

Then introduce yourself during their invasion of the city. I'm sure your powers will come in handy in protecting people.
Post #: 127
3/28/2012 0:33:35   
Jessa K
Member
 

Click.

That's the sound my mind makes when I suddenly get inspiration and an entire chapter is formed in my mind within a second. I love when that happens!

Edit: Waitwhat? Invasion of the city?

< Message edited by Jessa K -- 3/28/2012 0:35:14 >
AQW  Post #: 128
3/28/2012 0:38:08   
Goldstein
Member

They're going to kill everyone. I imagine they'll invade.
Post #: 129
3/28/2012 0:45:30   
Jessa K
Member
 

I think they'd be smarter than that, though. More original, perhaps, too. Then again, they could be the type who just prefers the traditional way, I suppose.
AQW  Post #: 130
3/28/2012 0:50:39   
Shadowlord9k
Member

They're knights. They don't understand modern techniques.
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 131
3/28/2012 0:52:56   
Jessa K
Member
 

Tell that to their armor, lol.
AQW  Post #: 132
3/28/2012 0:53:36   
Goldstein
Member

...invasion isn't exactly a modern technique. Ask the Romans and everyone that lived even remotely close to Italy back then. They knew about invasions.
Post #: 133
3/28/2012 0:59:21   
Jessa K
Member
 

I think that might be Shadow's point, that they stick to invasion because they don't know modern techniques, although imo they would be fairly knowledgeable in that area.
AQW  Post #: 134
3/28/2012 2:22:12   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Gold: You know who else knows invasions? Zombies.
Jessa: Can you elaborate on why you think they'd know more of modern tactics?
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 135
3/28/2012 2:57:27   
megakyle777
Member

Shadowlord: For the last time, NO ZOMBIES!
DF  Post #: 136
3/28/2012 3:20:06   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Kyle: There will be zombies. Eventually.

< Message edited by Shadowlord9k -- 3/28/2012 3:21:56 >
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 137
3/28/2012 8:39:26   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


At this point in time, I would suggest you introduce your character doing whatever it is she would normally be doing, and then have it shift in the middle of the chapter, or in the following one (possibly interupting the finishing of a plotline, or something else that would seem somewhat straightforeward). Also, I actually have an idea of a possible outcome, but that would require talking to Clown, and he's either had his inbox full, not been in-game when I am not AFK (or at least not on that tab...), or both. Thusly, I'll have to wait a bit.

@SL9K: FIRE THE CATAPULTS!!!!!!! LAY WASTE TO THIS CITY OF STEEL AND... WHATEVER THAT GRAY STUFF IS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Also, CURSE YOU, GENGHIS KHAN!!!!!!! (Jessa/Goldstein will understand)

Methinks their armour may not be of a make that would hereto be considered modern, fair maiden. Perhaps some sort of magick, or another etherealy-based method within the forging process, or thereafter.

WHY YOU NO HAVE NUKEZ, KA-NITS!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?1/!?!?!?:!!! (Yes, I just did that; ;) )

PREPARE THE ANTI-ZED KATANA, SQUIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DF  Post #: 138
3/28/2012 15:15:27   
megakyle777
Member

Blast The Simpsons, I now have an image of the Brotherhood Of Order singing something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSpOjj4YD8c

< Message edited by megakyle777 -- 3/28/2012 15:17:18 >
DF  Post #: 139
3/28/2012 18:13:11   
Arachnid
Member

Reading Clowny's new chapter is like...

Jeez, man.

You're crazy.

And you do GREAT at making him look, sound, and feel crazy.

And yet he's a genius.

MADNESS, I SAY!

~Lady Zafara
AQW  Post #: 140
3/28/2012 18:37:37   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


I'd read it, possibly skipping foreward past everything else, just to do so, but my mind is not sharp enough for it to quite sink in as deeply as I'd like. :/
DF  Post #: 141
3/29/2012 0:32:46   
Goldstein
Member

Welp, I posted. I do not do The Clown justice, sadly.
Post #: 142
3/29/2012 0:42:46   
Clown the Jester
Member

LIES LIES LIES SIR!

You did me more than just justice sir. I loved it. Excellent portrayal of my character. FANTASTIC!

In fact...I might be CRAZY Over it. HOO HOO HOO!


Loved the new chap Doc. Made me smile....heh heh heh heh.

You gave my character a whole extra dimension with his interactions with you sir. Absolutly amazing...as always my good doctor. Heh heh. Loved it.


And thankyou for your complements My dear Zafara. Heh heh...I am quite made...heh heh...aren't I?


< Message edited by Clown the Jester -- 3/29/2012 0:47:24 >
AQW Epic  Post #: 143
3/29/2012 0:50:17   
Goldstein
Member

YES! YES!
Post #: 144
3/29/2012 1:36:02   
Shadowlord9k
Member

Commentary:
Chapter 8: Light and Knights 

quote:

"This weather stinks like cheese".

Cheese smells good though.

quote:

"Well if you're brain can rack up that stupid of a comment then you should also say you're chaos." Zeuzt said
 
but...but....I....I give up, this can't be explained to you.
---
Chapter 9: THE POLICE & the Knights' of Order? 

GPB AM THIRD PERSON. Seriously though, vary up what you refer to GPB as.
---
Oh boy, Goldstein's chapter. This will be good. 

So far all of the knights have visited the people personally. You would think that at least one would have called ahead or something.

quote:

that reached the wildest limits of human imagination. His current one would be...revolutionary.

Zombies?

Now that's an entrance. Sorry about you losing the door though.

quote:

in theory, it could reproduce a human. But will it be alive? Perhaps artificial supplements could..."

Bring about the zombie apocalypse. 

quote:

Where had he heard that name before...?

Sounds like some form of alcoholic beverage to me.

quote:

"Unbreakable armor. Users are immune from injury. We would be more than happy to share it's secrets if you join our ranks."

And the same offer. You would think that some spy would accept and spread it, but no.

quote:

Wonderful, delicious...work."

So.......no zombies?
---
Dealer's going to be ripped in half.
---
When did these stop being numbered?

quote:

was the beautiful white feathery wing of an angel.

Well that can't be good.
---
quote:

Just napping, I mean, what's wrong with that?

It messes up your sleep schedule. 

quote:

And it's a capitol P. Not a lowercase p."

How could you tell that from conversation?

quote:

"Start killing anyone on site."

What site?

Just close your eyes, you'll technically be following orders.
---
Numbered chapters, oh how I miss thee.
---
quote:

you don't realise the importance of theatrics?

Also the thunder and rain might help The Dealer.

quote:

it's simple really. I'm invisible."

The rain might make that less effective.

There can only be ONE.
---
Chapter 16 :Upgrade against the order 
Oh yes numbered chapters again. 

Even though I love the numbered chapter, I'm just going to skip this chapter. I'm not sorry. Not at all.
---
Chapter 17: Moonless Knight 

quote:

everyone had gotten used to him already.

Even the psychopath side?

quote:

Such evil can not exist in this world.

I told you Taco Bell was a bad idea.

quote:

"No one, even one with the might of a god can oppose the Order..."

I'll prove you wrong, unnamed knight #7. 
---
Chapter 18: The Will 

quote:

in the hands of Darkness King!

This isn't going to end well.

Seemed a bit too...energetic with those exclamation marks.
---
quote:

Chapter 19 : Fried Chicken

No brain. Dont say it.

quote:

The Crusader unsheated his flaming sword. As he punched Qyp in the face! 

Clearly a master of tactics.
---
quote:

Chapter 20: The Forest (Accompanying song: http://www.youtuberepeat.com/watch/?v=kK5AohCMX0U&feature=related)

I'm going to skip the song. No offense, I just prefer my own music.

You are really great at describing. 

quote:

If this is truly your quest, you have already failed.”

They chose poorly it seems.

Wow. That was a great chapter. I can't really say much else.
---
quote:

leaving him with his power unable to move up" 

Unless it gets overloaded.

[quote[they'll make it harder for me to control my fragile temper..."
Unless you can turn into the hulk, it seems like they have a good plan.
---
Chapter 22: (insert clever chapter name here)
How 'bout no.

quote:

He's a vampire, tries to keep that a secret though

Can we at least get a werewolf or 2?

quote:

A little side note: Never piss a demon off, he'll kill you. 

Like he did with that knight?
---
And this chapter has no number or title. How barbaric. 

quote:

impression he had been the Brotherhood’s captive for three days. 

Well that doesn't sound good.

quote:

mixed up like soup. 

As a side note: I hate soup.

quote:

the very idea of time made Clown the Jester as hot as a…hee hee…steam kettle

That isn't even the strangest that I've heard of. 

quote:

located inside a network of connected tunnels and caves near the Ingiru Mountain Ranges. 

IT WAS SO OBVIOUS.

quote:

The Chains had another property

Very odd, I'd assume magic.
quote:

no idea where he left the bloddy thing.

Did you check your other pants?

quote:

Imagine the look on Drakkoniss’s

And now I see it. 


quote:

His mine has gone off to that place where he is trapped within his own madness…blocking him off from any other emotion.

I bet there are some great ores there.
---
quote:

Chapter 24, if you are so inclined to believe that all of these entries occur chronologically, which I find doubtful, but whatever, believe whatever you wish, but here we go... 

A exceptionally long title that offers little insight to its contents.

quote:

ready to come tumbling down. 

Can we play checkers next then? It's easier to set up again when you rage quit.

quote:

Torquemada

How is that pronounced is the real question.

quote:

"And why does it seem bigger from the inside than it does, you know...outside?" 

Broken chameleon circuit, combined with the spatial-temporal properties of the TARDIS.

quote:

You understand them

Haha, no.

quote:

 that would be frowned upon.

Only a little.



quote:

One of your patients slice you up?"

That wouldn't surprise me.

You seem a bit guilty, you really shouldn't be. Even if it was all your fault, you dangerous lunatic.

Wow. I didn't think he'd be able to get under your skin so badly.

Good chapter.
--
So I'm finally done with all these commentaries. I'm not even going to typo-check. It would drive me insane due to the length of the chapters and the rate they are posted.

Oh and perhaps expect something more from a few of us. I still need to think up the last person...
AQ DF AQW Epic  Post #: 145
3/29/2012 8:22:47   
Clown the Jester
Member

YA SERIOUS!
Lines like....


quote:

Being on a leash

I've got all the answers memorized! Yes, no, I like to watch the flames glow. Yay, nay, you're gonna pay. (The Rhyming at the end was the extra touch that makes all the difference.)

C-can y-yyyou l-ll-et guh-guh-go of my s-s-sssuit?

The Bronzestein Silverstein Rubystein
line was GOLDEN!



WA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!


Heh heh. God that made me laugh till it hurt. HEE HEE!


That was beyond great Goldilocks. Ya did a GREAT job.

And your character was amazing as well. His responses, his creative use of unorthodox surgery. His intereaction with the knights.


And thats another thing...your portrayal of the knights was refreshing. You're portrayal made them seem more realistic. They aren't just about being mean. They are good people who think they are doing the...heh heh...right thing.


HEE HEE HEE!


Symbolism, ironies, and mirth ALL IN ONE CHAPTER!


Bravo once again sir. Bravo.
AQW Epic  Post #: 146
3/30/2012 9:00:58   
Zeuzt
Member

Posted my last chapter

the crusader thing in this is why I stopped
(kinda religious.)
(I think that is somehow gonna get linked in with their armor thingymangy.)
not good at writing anyway so meh

just wrote the last chapter to see how I quit

well " all is well."
"sayonarra."
"i'll still read your posts though...."
Post #: 147
3/30/2012 14:28:24   
megakyle777
Member

Added a new chapter. it MAY be possible Ommicorp has made a way of fighting these guys after all...

Maybe.
DF  Post #: 148
3/30/2012 14:42:31   
Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!


Aaaaah... The Hunger Games is shaping up to be a good book. :)

That aside, as I was doing that earlier, and I am doing this now, I think I shall read a bit more of this story.

Qyp has an interesting writing style... A few grammatical errors here and there, a few things that could be phrased better, overall, but very good. Hmm... Makes me wonder just who the person who took him was. He has quite a bit of potential; I look foreward to reading more of his work, which shall be easy to come by, with his own story out. ;)

...
@Chapter/part 7:

Unconcious, eh? I wonder if that gurney would be able to hold him, if he wasn't... I am stragely fond of that bird. I don't really know for certain why, but I'd have to say that due to the fact that it is a crow (and crows are inherantly awesome, as you well know), and it has a cybernetic eye (which makes it even cooler), I automatically liked it, and I probably had no other reason. I mourn its passing. T_T

Spelled telekenesis incorrectly... but no matter. I don't really care so much about that to make a big fuss of it.

Good call, choosing to move him, btw. Personally, I'd have thought you'd have an easier way to get to the airship, though.

This reminds me... Now that the Dealer's gone, who will replace you in the company, hmm?Then again, you might've decided that and stated it in a later chapter. I don't know. *shrugs*

Yet again, the knights' temperment intrigues me. I wonder if the ones who attacked Darkness were not junior members of the Brotherhood. I don't know why; They just seem like they don't have the experience and demeanor of a veteran...

Must've been a very quick opperation, the rescue of Darkness King, there... As I suspected, the captive was able to break free. Hmm... I suppose that's the end of that plot thread, though his captivity and defeat could be somehow tied into the flow of parts that focus on what the knights are doing behind the scenes, like Goldstein's chapter/s seem to (which I appreciate very much, btw; Kudos for understandign the need, and filling the niche).

...

On to Zeuzt's chapter, which annoyingly expands the window , and requires me to scroll to the right, if I don't want it maximized. -.-

I agree with SL9K (at least I think it was him) on this one... the comment about it smelling like cheese was quite odd. Quite odd, indeed...

Knights have pockets?

*cringes at the repeated lapses of grammar* (sorry, but even for me, that is difficult ot understand, at times)

I am disappointed in that knight in particular's intelligence. Overzealousness I can understand, but I think he reacts too much, and resorted to violence too easily. Then again, what are you to do, when someone attacks you like that, and shows distain towards the message you give (in those circumstances, I'd say that's a bigger factor than it would be normally)? Regardless, he in particular annoys me.

quote:

"My my haha exellent armor only if the knight was'nt stupid it would have been a great combo."

I don't quite understand what he meant by this...

Mr. Maximum is indestructible? O.o (CURSE YOU, PLOTHOLES!!!)

I wonderedjust how powerful those flames were... I suppose it was worth it to read, afterall. Interesting turn of events, nonetheless, even if it was not the best possible way to convey it...

...

Time to see about what's occuring with regards to the police, it would seem. I bet this will be interesting, and it will almost certainly give good background information for future reference...

I like seeing how this machine percieves things. You can almost imagine the protocols programed into the thing.

Hmm... At least this knight appears to be sensible enough to discuss things before leaping at their throats for even the suggestion that the Brotherhood could be wrong. XP

Reminds me of the religious zeal behind radical Islamic terrorist actions. :/

quote:

The punched crumpled GPB's fist but he wasn't done yet he held the Knight at his' shoulder and punched and punched at his one arm.

That's quite a bit of force, put into those blows...

And he was able to somehow gain a piece of the knight's armor, as well? That could lead to important things, later on, potentially...

A few lapses in grammar, but meh. It's good enough not to matter. Pity about what happened to the police station...

I like that the Police Chief's last words were somewhat garbled and disorderly. Makes it seem more realistic, and yet he was still able to get the message across. :)

...

I think I'll take a break for a bit... I wanted to get to Zafara's chapter before stopping, but I think I'll come back to reading this, and get at least that far...


_____________________________

DF  Post #: 149
3/30/2012 15:31:47   
Clown the Jester
Member

quote:

not good at writing anyway so meh


LIES SIR! Dirtty rotten green lies. I enjoyed your contribution to the story. I like your style and pacing. And I never lie about the talents of others. There is more than one way to aproach a story. And you chose a different but equally intreging approach and view of the Brotherhood. I hope you will continue to write.


Besides. Writting is all practice. Just keep writing and you will see your work improve more and more.


When I look back at my earliest forum story writing, in the Bizarre Fleck Inverse Monster war collab story especially...I cring with the sight of my old writting style. Even in the earlier posts of my contributions of Comedy and Tragedy, I feel I have progressed so much in just a few months.


We get better and better every time. And besides...writting styles are unique to every person. Some people write short but sweet, others write long filled with extra details. Both ways are equal in effectiveness.



Everyone has done a fantastic job. AMAZING! Not a single weak link. NOT ONE! I am amazed with the talent that I have the honor and pleasure of working with. And furthermore, we have the helpful and extremly insightful comments, constructive critisms, and reflections of the intelectual minds such as Shadowlord9k, JessaK, Drakkoniss, and David Blitz who aid in the process of improvements and corrections. Amazing teamwork.


Seriously...I am blown away. With everything going so well...I think I'll be posting the transition story chapter that will shift the story from the opening and growing actions to the major crises and threats...unless someone still wants to add more to their opening.


Once again...this has been such an amazing experience. And I know this won't be the end.





AQW Epic  Post #: 150
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