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RE: (AQ) The Galin' War. (Commentary)

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7/27/2012 0:09:25   
Sir Nicholas
Member

I have posted. This is probably one of the best fight scenes I've ever done, and I've also introduced an important character: One that will play an increasingly significant role as our story goes on.

He's one of my favorite characters to write with, and he is a rival toon - one whose powers equal that of his nemesis.
AQ  Post #: 26
7/27/2012 8:46:46   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 Interesting new chapter.

May I ask what the Lycans are doing while you are fighting with your nemesis?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 27
7/27/2012 11:44:54   
Beshin Adin
Member
 

 This is a long story. I may have to read it little by little for a good opinion, but letting you know that I AM reading it.

The prologue looks pretty good.
AQ AQW  Post #: 28
7/27/2012 17:06:16   
Sir Nicholas
Member

Yes, it is long, and it will get longer with time.

To answer your question - they are waiting for their general to show up. I will show what happens to them in the next chapter.
AQ  Post #: 29
8/23/2012 22:20:07   
Sir Nicholas
Member

I have completed Chapter 9.
AQ  Post #: 30
8/24/2012 8:42:24   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

At a guess, the Vampire Queen had set up gargoyles with an evil vigilance to watch the surround for any intruders from the ground or from above.

surroundings?

quote:

so long as he did not make any sudden movements or attempt to heal himself.

attempts

quote:

It had never before been successfully attacked

It had never been attacked succesfully before

Other than that I can find no mistakes.

Have you already thought about how you will implement the fact that Commander Paladin refused to lead the church's army against Queen Safiria?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 31
8/24/2012 13:57:50   
Sir Nicholas
Member

Yes, I have. Since Jameson (Sir Nicholas) is a Master Paladin, he's mostly given free rein over operations as he sees fit. He can requisition the aid of any of the Order's forces as he so chooses - but may not lead a full legion without the Church's approval. However, Tyrone is a mercenary with a private contract to the Order, and his employer is Sir Nicholas. Hence, he can use Tyrone's forces however he wishes, provided that it is to the benefit of the Order.

And, I truthfully will not mention Commander Paladin much more in the story.

And as a bit of forethought - I've created some of these characters for a future reason. You'll see why, come the forces of the Network.
_______________________________

Once more, I appreciate your input Dragonlord, and I am pleased by your approval of my story.
AQ  Post #: 32
9/2/2012 0:42:20   
Glais
Member

Woo! And chapter 3 down. Vampire Children purged from a village, interesting. Wondering what Fangmaw means exactly, sure I'll find out.
DF MQ  Post #: 33
1/9/2013 15:59:12   
Sir Nicholas
Member

I am sorry for the long wait, but the next chapter is completed and posed. No, I have not given up on this story - yes I am going to be posting much more frequently in the future, and yes I am going to finish this.

This chapter's a little shorter than most, but I think I'm improving on fleshing out my characters with these little tidbits of dialogue.

Enjoy.
AQ  Post #: 34
1/9/2013 17:35:16   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

There came a strange sensation through the weaving spells in the air, as though something were trying to break through the network of defenses that she had placed around her fortress.

was
quote:

Though they were no threat, the sight and sound of their endless wailing was enough to unsettle him.

were

I can't wait till Gigorex appears on the scene.

It was a good chapter, though the losses seem severe for such a little artefact.
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 35
9/6/2013 2:43:32   
Sir Nicholas
Member

I apologize for the long wait. I've completed the next chapter, and I'll start working on the next as soon as I can.

The battle is concluded - and now, we're really going to get into the meat of the story very soon.
AQ  Post #: 36
9/7/2013 10:57:47   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L
quote:

He was indeed justly proud of his fighting prowess, but the thought of fighting solely for money had become somewhat boring lately - especially because of the overall lack of acheivement in the endless battles against one enemy after another.

achievement

quote:

"Whose there?!" The paladin called back, rising to his feet in one swift motion.

Who is/Who's

A lycan whose clothes had been reduced to rags as result of his transformation.

Are you using the shield's original art or the updated art for your story?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 37
9/20/2013 20:15:51   
Sir Nicholas
Member

What are you talking about? I don't use art of any kind in my story.
AQ  Post #: 38
9/21/2013 5:08:32   
  Dwelling Dragonlord

ArchKnight AQ / OOC / L&L


 Surely enough you will be describing what the shield looks like at some point?
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 39
11/17/2013 19:23:59   
Sir Nicholas
Member

Yes I will. And I have posted another chapter. This time, I intend to get the story going a little further in the way of character development. So I thought, why not expand upon my main character's greatest enemy? This chapter is devoted solely to him, and we will start seeing him more and more as it goes on.
AQ  Post #: 40
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