RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary


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RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary

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7/9/2013 0:55:28

dragonfire1423
Member

^Sure, just don't give him any of those dumb sayings that every clan seems to have~

< Message edited by dragonfire1423 -- 7/10/2013 2:51:00 >

AQW

Post #: 276

7/9/2013 4:32:40

hict98
Member

And Chapter 4 is up. Tell me what you guys think.

AQW

Post #: 277

7/9/2013 5:39:55

tommy2468
Member

Disaster with Hikari and Kor... Perhaps. You'll all have to wait another couple of chapters because my next chapter is following Seth's story as they carry out the plan to the Geoto Tower (if this has a particular name please correct me because I felt bad about the black castle thing XD)

@Popinloopy I hadn't planned on Seth and Pop to have a turbulent relationship. They were actually going to be the friends of the group. Which will make the next chapter quite sad (haven't finished it so there are no deaths... Yet :D)

@dragonfire1423 I just liked the thought of Salem being the candid person of justice. I haven't managed to get the justice bit in but he is able to judge people's characters with light and darkness. Darkness to enter their heart's, and Light to show what is hiding there.

And I always say this but there will definitely be lots of action next chapter XD

@hict Read the chapter and loved it (is there any other way to say that because I'm becoming repetitive with all these good stories). I really like your idea of a cure for the Truphma. As though it isn't a species but rather a disease to be cured.
An aspect that perhaps could be more true than we know. A plague that is taking over

Also Chapter Five: Friends Fear Final Farewells is up for the war story.

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/9/2013 10:50:50 >

AQ	Post #: 278

7/9/2013 11:07:07

darksaber22
Member

@tommy man tommy that was epic and if that is only five i can't wait to see what happens in the others so nice job and you really out did yourself there

AQW

Post #: 279

7/9/2013 11:15:48

tommy2468
Member

Thanks darksaber

though there is almost no dialogue in the whole chapter :L And I have just changed the "characters in chapter" to just Seth seeing as that makes more sense.

If anyone knows of a Geotian that would like to be in a war story then send them my way because I would like to get a person on the inside of the tower that I haven't used in a previous chapter :)

AQ	Post #: 280

7/9/2013 11:22:07

0Neo
Member

@hict98 your story so far have been simple but direct, it makes the reader get the idea without so much emotion and talk. Your cliffhanger is a good one, you're the only one that have tried to kill a character so far and the part about the......"gift" from Aerodu is a bit creepy, I thought your clan leader was a male.

@tommy2468 The action was amazing, one can easily imagine the assault on the Truphma camp as you describe it and the way you give Seth the spotlight for an incredible ending was astonishing, we'll be waiting to see if you'll kill Seth off or not.

I researched a little and I couldn't find a direct and specific way to call the Geoto's base, I only found that some call it the Geotan spire but there's no apparent name. Perhaps you can ask Oliver

@ss2195 I wonder if I could use Seth Hydra in my story, I want someone to represent Igneus and your character would be perfect

< Message edited by 0Neo -- 7/9/2013 11:24:00 >

_____________________________

A man's rubbish is another's treasure~
A man's ordeal is another's pleasure~

AQ	Post #: 281

7/9/2013 11:33:31

tommy2468
Member

@0Neo Thanks for that and for the advice. I've left a post on their Cross-Communications Thread so hopefully someone will be able to provide an answer :P

And you'll have to wait to see Seth's fate!

AQ	Post #: 282

7/9/2013 13:10:43

Seth Hydra
How We Roll Winner
Nov14

@tommy: Why? Why me? But aside from that great cjapter, and to say the very least yoir battle sequence was nothimg shprt of.amazing, even better than I could muster! great job!!
Though mimd you, Seth is a prodigious member of.the hydra clan! His regenerative powers match that of xmens wolverine!!

0neo: Sure go ahead, just make sure he doesnt die! :P

Just au update about my remaining assault.story, my internets acting.up.so I cant seem to upload it now. I guess Ill wait untill. i finish the whole thing, ie 3 battle chapters and final pre war chapter

spoiler:

it read Abaraa, Your mission is a solo, and you can’t under any circumstances reveal your true mission to anybody. Your first checkpoint will be meeting Paxus, as he will be lending an advanced piece of weaponry he acquired from the Drakel who once invaded Paxia. The weapon is a massive Tank, yes I know very clichéd. However, it’s an underground vehicle with lots of drills, and a huge defence system. The objective of your mission is to use the tank and sneak beneath the Truphma lines and attack the centre point of the camp, i.e. the Core Reactor. You have to secure the reactor, before Madara and his stealth team can come and install the explosives. Kindly escort the guarding personnel out of the premises, and take care /spoiler]

< Message edited by ss2195 -- 7/9/2013 13:18:09 >

AQW

Post #: 283

7/9/2013 13:38:45

0Neo
Member

@ss2195 thank you. We'll see what'll happen with everyone >_>
your tank reminds of Lance's valkyrie

AQ	Post #: 284

7/9/2013 16:37:54

tommy2468
Member

@ss2195 I feel bad now, but I think I have mentioned before that this is not going to be a particularly happy war story. The idea that someone is going to live just because they are a main character is cliche and boring. Whether Seth will live or die shall be determined in the next chapter. If a Geoto member wants to join in that will also make a difference as well :D (or it might just allow us to find out sooner... :P Can't be giving everything away now can I XD)

AQ	Post #: 285

7/9/2013 16:53:41

hict98
Member

@Tommy Chapter 4 was great. Finally, you are showing some unity between the members of the clans will still having some distrust in there at the same time. Also there was so much suspense for when they were going through the camp since knowing your writing, you are okay with having them alert the truphma and then they die. Or at least one gets captured or something like that. The entire time I was reading that I was just thinking, please don't kill them off. I'm surprised with how emotional you made Salem though. Oh and I really hope that last part isn't foreshadowing.
For chapter 5, first corrections then review.

quote:

<Seth began to walk down the mountain and headed towards the Geoto Tower. Here was where he was to meet 0Neo, Popinloop and Salem. He searched to the east to see where the Dynami would be attacking from and was rewarded with the sight of the first pulse cannon firing into the Truphma horde>

You forgot the "y"

I just love all the action in the beginning. It really is a good way to start the chapter off. You just perfectly explained these battle scenes. I just loved it. The best part was the final scene where you showed Seth annihilating the forces of the truphma. A good death is reward enough though. I can't remember where I heard that, but it seemed like it needed to be said. I see I was right about that foreshadowing there.

< Message edited by hict98 -- 7/9/2013 17:06:17 >

AQW

Post #: 286

7/9/2013 17:01:33

tommy2468
Member

@Hict Thanks for that, making the changes to Popinloopy now. But I actually live in Northern Ireland and we spell metres the UK way :L Meters is the American version (and I am aware that the majority of AQ players are American XD)
And thanks for the kind words, it really is good to know that people are behind you (as you would know yourself with your own story).

edit: And remember never to think that a character is dead unless you have proof. For anyone who has read very long book series (e.g. Game of Thrones) you would know that a character should never be assumed to be dead, because they might just pop up at some stage! It was left off with Seth dying but that is not as final as death. But like I said we'll just have to wait for the next chapter (which might take longer because we are actually getting some sunshine for the first time in weeks!!!! So I'll be spending most of the next week or so outside. But I will be able to write up my war story on paper and then type that in at night :) )

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/9/2013 17:06:47 >

AQ	Post #: 287

7/9/2013 17:20:47

hict98
Member

@Tommy Oh okay I changed my comment now. And I only say kind words when they are deserved. I will remember not to assume anything until confirmed. I just saw your comment before my review now. So you still haven't decided whether or not to kill Seth. Honestly it would be a noble one, unlike the characters in my story who died because of either circumstance or a dirty trick. Well I should take that last part back because I haven't entirely decided whether to finish off CH4OT1C or let him recover.

AQW

Post #: 288

7/9/2013 17:33:23

tommy2468
Member

@hict98 What's going to happen to CH4OT1C!?!?!

Well whatever you do decide to do I'm sure it will still make a great war story!

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/9/2013 17:50:56 >

AQ	Post #: 289

7/9/2013 17:47:56

hict98
Member

@Tommy Really I don't know yet. I might have him die or he could just stand up, take off some of the red residue on him, taste it, and then tell everybody, "Relax it's just ketchup". I'm going to decide tonight.

AQW

Post #: 290

7/9/2013 20:40:39

popinloopy
Member

@tommy
I felt moved by that last chapter. It takes a brilliant writer to make the reader truly feel sympathy/empathy/pity/whatever emotion you choose for a character.

AQW

Epic

Post #: 291

7/10/2013 2:50:51

dragonfire1423
Member

@tommy: I loved that chapter! I genuinely felt sorry for Seth, as I don't believe anyone here (including me, thankfully) has actually felt how it is to be near-death. I'm excited to see what happens next!

_____________________________

"And remember: RealityIsAnIllusionTheUniverseIsAHologramBuyGold- BYEEEE!"

AQW

Post #: 292

7/10/2013 6:50:19

tommy2468
Member

Thanks Popinloopy and dragonfire :D You guys will be returning in the next chapter, which I am in the process of writing.

Fortunately, I also have a Geotian on board so this will alter the story (for the better though?)

AQ	Post #: 293

7/10/2013 17:28:17

popinloopy
Member

@tommy
If "better" means more entertaining and in-depth, then I certainly hope so. You have too much talent and skill to let it go to waste.

AQW

Epic

Post #: 294

7/10/2013 23:14:55

hict98
Member

Well I plan on writing chapter 5 tonight. I just hope nothing stops me from finishing it tonight.

AQW

Post #: 295

7/11/2013 17:17:01

tommy2468
Member

Posting another chapter soon. This one is gonna be narrated by Oliver Bell. I will be doing another chapter with Oliver Bell narrating (or perhaps from fragmented perspectives of each character) because unfortunately I didn't get to the part that I wanted to be at :(
This is YET ANOTHER set up chapter. I'll be honest and say that I am not actually trying to write these long and slow chapters, they just happen and then they become so long that I can't really go and add another 7 pages of battle. Which is why I'm gonna be splitting this current chapter into two.
So this chapter is going to be slow with not much happening but I PROMISE that the next one will be lots of fun. To read and to write!

Aaaand posted

And the title for this one is probably the worst yet, but I had forgotten to put one on it and thought that one up at the very last second!

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/11/2013 17:31:53 >

AQ	Post #: 296

7/11/2013 18:09:16

dragonfire1423
Member

*RP*
Gah. In retrospect, I should've flown over that stupid rock trap -_-
*END OF RP*

I liked the chapter. Though now I want to line up all of the Geotians and punch them in the face, with variable power, so that they are all scared and unknowing to how hard I'll punch them.

AQW

Post #: 297

7/11/2013 18:16:06

flashbang
Member

quote:

original: Dragonfire1423

Hmm... I think I'd like to take a break and read some... YOU HEAR THAT AFK PEOPLE!? MAKE MOAR CHAPS! (╯°□°）╯ ┻━┻

Maybe when the war actually starts.

@Neo I found a typooooooooooooooooo.

quote:

unity you forsook you're soul's desire of serving the darkness

I assume you mean forsake.

< Message edited by flashbang -- 7/11/2013 18:42:11 >

AQW

Post #: 298

7/11/2013 18:57:14

popinloopy
Member

@flashbang
I believe forsook is the past-tense version, so he was correct. Forsake is present tense. Forsaken could also be past/present tense, I believe.

AQW

Epic

Post #: 299

7/11/2013 19:22:12

0Neo
Member

@flashbang I was using the past tense of forsake....isn't it forsook? I'm sure that phrase was correct grammatically

@tommy2468 The chapter was good, it's nice to see emotion from time to time. My only complain is that you described the armor of the Geoto clan when we don't know how it'll be at all, I suggest you modify that when we see the actual armors. The feeling you describe at the end is so palpable! I really want to be my character and set out in a killing spree now....good chapter, good indeed.

Guys, should I post my characters in the step one of the RP academy as they are at the beginning, by the middle or at the end of their story?

AQ	Post #: 300

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