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RE: =AQ= Xov's Assault stories and poetry Commentary

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7/1/2013 0:19:00   
flashbang
Member

@kors <.< Well now to keep an eye out for somebody that shows up wherever I am. >.>
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 176
7/1/2013 9:10:47   
Seth Hydra
How We Roll Winner
Nov14


 Part 4: Elements deceived: Planning makes Perfect is out! Gives a detailed explanation of their plans, creating the build up for the biggest Team assault in the history of this war story section (I think)

I've gone slightly a bit detailed about the layout, sorry if its long (I love Dan Browns style!)

Love to hear your comments!
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 177
7/1/2013 15:55:42   
popinloopy
Member

@kors
flashbang is right, you really DO know a lot abou- Wait, did you just tap on my window?

@ss2195
How did popinloopy, who is often called pop, lose a contest about "pop"ping and locking? And what a shame we aren't a battery, the Dynami clan would love it. Ok, enough jokes for now. I love the story so far, keep it up! Nice way to break the fourth wall at the end, by the way. It was hilarious.

< Message edited by popinloopy -- 7/1/2013 16:17:44 >
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 178
7/1/2013 19:36:04   
hict98
Member

@kors I liked the new chapter. Showing some unity between the top two clans according to these forums. (Really I would say Dynami is higher than Lucian, but I'm just saying that because of PUC) Also bold move bringing Vox into it. I didn't know we could do that. I hope you show her really struggling with that injury because it must have been really bad if she actually couldn't do anything in game so far.
@ss2195 Okay first when you say AAA. It is not referreing to a battery, it should be for either a road side wagon assistance or for Absolute Abnormals Anonymous. I know for a fact that there are many immortals and swordmasters in AAA. As for the rest, I was laughing so much while reading this. My roommate has just been staring at me as I repeated PITY-FOOL. Also for breaking the fourth wall at the end, usually I would be upset or disappointed, but you made me laugh so I'm going to let it slide. You are really holding the action until the very end. I get you had to explain the plan, but now you're testing my patience and I believe you will be sorely disappointed. Show me some action man.
As for my own story, it will come tonight.
AQ AQW  Post #: 179
7/1/2013 19:53:48   
kors
Member

@hict: Well as long as I keep her similar to her ingame character there is no harm and does not break any of the rules of L&L so I am sure the real Ms. Vox has no problem with us using Eukara Vox.
AQ DF MQ  Post #: 180
7/1/2013 23:04:45   
0Neo
Member

review time:
@battlemaster25 I really liked the way you got Noctros to help you....I am loyal to my clan and I think my clan leader does a terrific job but you did showed a part of his personality I wanted to see
@kors again, you did a terrific chapter with suspense and seriousness...some of my favorite aspects. Your story makes me feel this is for real and not something to mess around (not that I don't like stories that illustrate wars as games but I prefer the serious approach)
@ss2195 I read all of your story. I think you did a great job....full of funny moments and puns (although flashbang did the first funny, weird, pun-full story) I can't wait to see what you'll do next

once again, I'm recruiting characters for my war story. If anyone wants to participate, pm me or say so here. I'm also looking for writers that'll use my character in their stories
AQ  Post #: 181
7/2/2013 3:37:01   
hict98
Member

Chapter 3 is up now guys. Right now it is just more of filler as I introduce Battlemaster's character and give Mythic some more attention as I believe she didn't get enough in the previous chapters. This is all building up to the super secret mission that you'll hear more about in the next chapter. Shh we don't want the Truphma to know.
AQ AQW  Post #: 182
7/2/2013 4:49:00   
dragonfire1423
Member

AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHA~

MY WRITER'S BLOCK IS GONE!

Conclusion to Ch. 2 is up (^w^)
Reviews appreciated, and don't give me any of that "don't hit girls" crap, she swung first! :P
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 183
7/2/2013 8:44:24   
tommy2468
Member

I'm just after putting up the first chapter in my own war story (it can be found at the very bottom of the page) :

http://forums2.battleon.com/f/tm.asp?m=21330870&mpage=1&key=%26%2365533%3B

Please be as critical as possible and then I'll know what I am doing right and wrong ALL feedback is very much appreciated!
Be warned that this first chapter is very serious in comparison to the other war stories that I have read. I will try to add in a few more jokes, but my style of writing has always been a touch more realistic. So as George R. R. Martin said, "I want my readers to turn the page not knowing whether their favourite character will live in a tricky situation."

I have given Hikari Yume a lot of screen time in the first chapter, but don't worry I will be putting in lots of material for everyone else. Currently I have to add in Popinloopy and ss2195 to the story. If anyone is in being added in, feel free to leave me a PM telling me your character's:

. main and secondary weapons
. primary armour
. Paxian clan (or clanless)

And if you want your character to be portrayed in a specific way then leave a little description of your character, otherwise I will give them characteristics that I feel are required for the story.

I have also not decided on a leader for the group, so if you want to leave a wee message as to why you would make a good team leader, please do

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/2/2013 8:46:58 >
AQ  Post #: 184
7/2/2013 11:15:00   
0Neo
Member

and more reviews:

@hict98 I like how you blend timelines in a way no-one else does, the way battlemaster suddenly returns to take his position of general after been presumed death for so long was laughable
@dragonfire1423 you really got my attention this time, the way you portray your character and his powers make me feel like I'm seeing a real character in an anime. Yours was a marvelous chapter
@tommy2468 simply wow, your story is better than what I expected....guess it is now me, you and kors for the get-business-done story award. I only want to say some things: why is hict listed as clanless? he is a member of Aerodu (I can only guess he requested to be clanless in your story), my clan base is called Castillo Vida Negra...not black castle and I would never make fun of representatives of other clans and much less of the clans themselves. I am a loyal Nocturu member but I hold the unity of the 8 clans as a priority (I'm not asking you to change the way 0Neo speaks in your story, I simply wanted to point this out)
AQ  Post #: 185
7/2/2013 11:31:49   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo Whoops he had actually requested that he be in clan in in a PM but I didn't get a chance to read it (Sorry Hict!)

Sorry about the Castle name, making the corrections now. Could not for the life of me remember the name of it.

And I believe that you are truly a warrior of unity, however I wanted a character that really only cared for their own clan.

Hikari Yume does care about some things, even though it doesn't seem like it (which will be revealed later on. So no spoilers!)
Hict is very caring for his friends and is aware of the stupidity of wars (but they ARE fun) and I would assume that because of his immortality he would be the character most aligned with unity
Kor is kind of gonna be my wild card (for the moment) as I have not decided on a character role, other than a rare speaker (though a good one). I may have Kor elected as the leader of the group later on, but for the moment I am not too sure on leaders.
Popinloopy will be wary of the other clans. Not out of mistrust, but out of fear that they may do something to spark arguments within the group. So he will sort of be my peace keeper (though you may not think that when he meets another member of the group for the first time. WATCH OUT SETH!!!)
Seth is going to be similar to Hict, in that the two will be paired together. They will be chaotic and random so they can have some fun shenanigans together :D
And last but not least there is Adrian who is another member of Nocturu and I kind of wish I had introduced him as the person who cared only for their own clan. But he PMed me to join in after I had written the first chapter.


And I will be trying get in some alliteration in the chapter titles. Here is the title for the next chapter:

Chapter Two: Several Serendipitous Situations.


And this chapter will be told from the perspective of a different character. I will be telling the story from one or two character's perspective in each chapter. HY has a very dark (ironic?) perspective of the world and his chapters will be more gothic in the telling.
Whereas I am working with Popinloopy for the second chapter and his outlook is very different

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/2/2013 11:39:53 >
AQ  Post #: 186
7/2/2013 11:37:59   
0Neo
Member

@tommy2468 no need to worry, I would indeed care more for my clan than the rest but that doesn't mean I wouldn't help each of the clans. I simply wanted to point that out. After all, I believe we would all fall into chaos and death without unity

I will be waiting for the next chapter of your story, I expect it to be astonishing

< Message edited by 0Neo -- 7/2/2013 11:48:09 >

_____________________________

A man's rubbish is another's treasure~
A man's ordeal is another's pleasure~
AQ  Post #: 187
7/2/2013 11:54:16   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo Hopefully it meets expectations XD I might try to get it out for later today. I'm working on it on Microsoft Word first and then putting it across. At the moment I have nearly 2 pages but I may have to get a good bit extra in, so this may be a long chapter. I will send you a portion of it to see whether the change in perspective is working, or whether I should stick with the original. That way I won't be writing 5 pages that won't be as good :L
AQ  Post #: 188
7/2/2013 12:04:17   
0Neo
Member

@tommy2468 the change of perspective is good, giving your story different points of view is another way to explain how the war unfolds and it is quite a good one. As I said, it does meet expectations and I'll be eager to read the whole chapter. It would be great if it's long, it shows you have a lot of things to write that would detail the story and make it better....I also like long chapters.

I'm currently working on chapter three of mine and I might be done in an hour or so. Until we finish
AQ  Post #: 189
7/2/2013 12:11:58   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo I can't wait for the 3rd chapter! I've been reading it and I can imagine when you saw yourself wearing the armour in-game you had the same reactions!
AQ  Post #: 190
7/2/2013 12:19:34   
0Neo
Member

@tommy2468 trust me, when I saw I actually appeared in-game I couldn't believe it at first but when I asked in the forums and everyone told me I actually became the Nocturu representative for this event I almost choked myself. Neither me or 0Neo are that emotional but the prospect of been chosen for such position was too much for both of us to restrain our emotions....a problem that doesn't affect Hikari yume I would say, those with a soul of ice are naturally emotionless for the most part
AQ  Post #: 191
7/2/2013 13:27:43   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo It would be unwise to mistake being emotionless with being reserved, which the Glacions are most definitely. But they are good friends, thought a little slow to trust people.

I have mostly completed the second chapter and I am just putting it up now. Will edit this message in a few minutes after it's officially up

Okay got it up now, it's not as long as I thought it would be (It was over 3 pages in Word so I thought it might have been longer). But I promise to really try to get a lengthier chapter next!!!

< Message edited by tommy2468 -- 7/2/2013 13:36:22 >
AQ  Post #: 192
7/2/2013 13:48:58   
0Neo
Member

ha, you're right @tommy2468, those truly emotionless belong to an element not recognized by AQ......isn't it amusing? the solitude of darkness and ice seem to be so similar at first, yet they are so different.

I'll read it when I'm done with mine, I'll need a bit more time
AQ  Post #: 193
7/2/2013 13:59:36   
darksaber22
Member

@tommy i just finished reading the latest chapter and i loved it and i especially like what you did with the characters and your description of them and their surroundings so good job and i can't wait for the next one
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 194
7/2/2013 14:37:04   
tommy2468
Member

Glad you guys are enjoying the stories :) And darksaber I might be using Adrian for the next character perspective. It will be interesting to see how he looks at the other members of the group.

Also I think we need a name for the group. I'd like to hear a few suggestions from you guys and then I will likely name the next chapter after the group. Seeing as the next chapter will be the meeting of the group. But I am hoping for a few more people to join in before finalizing the team.
AQ  Post #: 195
7/2/2013 14:44:09   
darksaber22
Member

@tommy that will be awesome and i would like to help you with the name but i stink with team names
AQ DF MQ AQW  Post #: 196
7/2/2013 14:46:17   
0Neo
Member

my third chapter is now up....it really is an introduction to the representative of Glacius and a familiar Chronomancer
AQ  Post #: 197
7/2/2013 15:06:44   
flashbang
Member

@Neo Your story is great so far! But remember capitalization and all that jazz.

@ss
quote:

YOLOSWAG anyone?


Your story is flashbang approved.

< Message edited by flashbang -- 7/2/2013 15:12:31 >
AQ DF AQW  Post #: 198
7/2/2013 15:10:12   
tommy2468
Member

@0Neo Just finished reading the third chapter and you have done such an amazing job!!! I think the idea of having everyone meet beside Paxus is a good symbol of the unity of the clans with Paxus himself having power over all the elements.

Gotta say I laughed when Hikari Yume appeared XD And I'm really liking where we are both going with the idea of Kor the Chronomancer starting as a despised figure for the magic he uses, but as Kors said himself Kor is a rule breaker and would be arrested if he were to go into his own timeline. So he must be different from other Chronomancers and not the evil wizards that we expect :P Don't worry Kor I got good plans for you!
AQ  Post #: 199
7/2/2013 15:15:21   
0Neo
Member

@flashbang again? man.....I'm too sick of typos to correct them. You guys still understand
@tommy2468 thank you for your review. I did made the meeting point of the councils be Paxus to represent our unity. I don't really have anything against kors or chronomancy, I simply wrote that becuase I knew you had a problem with the art of time-blending
AQ  Post #: 200
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