Argeus the Paladin
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System Recovery
Yes, you read it right.
System Recovery is an elaborate project to reconstruct, rebuild and reform my ambitious project, The Systems Chronicles. The story itself was rushed when it was created, I'll admit that, but unlike the first attempt of mine at writing, it is quite salvageable (read: Did not borrow as much from anime). After recveving some stinging, but very helpful comments from the members of the Canberran Speculative Fiction Guild (CSFG), I've decided to embark on a journey to rewrite this work.
Goals:
1) Thematic.
- Destroy any trace of blatant Super Robot Wars borrowings.
- Tone down Twilight bashing. The names borrowed from Twilight may or may not stay, but no longer is bashing Twilight a goal.
- Heighten the theme of Grey v. grey as opposed to Good v. Evil.
- Introduce my forte of history.
2) Language.
- Make the dialogue fluider and less rigid.
- Vary the vocabulary.
- Increase breezy language.
- Remove nonsensical jokes. The Stone Wall vs. Lava Pit will doubtlessly have to go.
- Remove any weaboo rant or things resembling thereof from the manuscript. (read: Gratuitous Japanese)
- Introduce references to Greek and Latin.
3) Story-wise:
- Character:
+ Pronounce the personality of the following characters:
- King Elladin (Who now gets his own conquering hero personality to go with his bastardry in the latter books),
- Kuro (gets more sympathy than the Rival/Lancer he now is), Mike and Eric (Tune up from the level of Twilight stand-in),
- Zakawa (First I thought he'd be my version of Shin Asuka. Now I change him into something of a Naked Spartan Fanatic Spartan Newtype Spartan Coordinator with a crush. Oh, did I forget Spartan?),
- Ayaka (clearing up her past a little more by providing some hints as to why she had a Big Sister Complex of that size),
- Jessica (So that she is no longer a Twilight stand-in)
- Elvaht (Though I am fairly confident he is no longer resemblant of Edward Cullen in anything but name, I need to do this)
+ Introduce new character Julio "Flavius Aetius" Tarantino as inventor of the Pilum Launchers and engineer of the Legionary Frame.
+ Separating the Liberator Movement from the Confederate.
+ Name change: If deemed necessary, Ein's name must change. Also, Tsuki will now go into the books as Tsukino. It sounds better, and there isn't all that much change in Kanji. Also, Union v. Confederate may have to go.
- Technology:
+ Rename "Daimyo" into "Huskarl" and the Huskarl Unit into the Huskarl Argyraspidai (Silver Shield Huskarl) unit.
+ Introduce the Pilum Launcher for the Huskarls/Legionary
+ Replace the Beam Sword of the Huskarls with the Beam Xyston. Equip the Huskarls with the Hetairoi and thus justifying the charge in C. 16.
+ Introduce lesser Mechanized Frames, the Hoplitai.
- Format: Most importantly, I'm splitting the first book into two. The first half will be sent for publication, the second will wait. The first book will now end after Kuro loses to Faegard, and before that I'll include at least two more major battles, emphasizing more on Kuro and Aya's skills, 'cause as it goes beforehand, Ein was taking all the spotlight.
There are other minor changes, but this is the most I can think as of now. So, with no further ado, please read, enjoy, and don't forget to comment!
< Message edited by Argeus the Paladin -- 3/9/2010 4:04:20 >
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