Drakkoniss
Creative!
Constructive!
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SO, glad you decided to include some of my, Jessa's, and presumably Shadow's recommendations... sorry I didn't comment again recently. I had forgotten they made multiple commentary sub-forums.
You are welcome for all my commentary, and yeah, SL9K's commentary makes me laugh, too. XP
On the topic of Jessa's saying that goign with him wasn't very smart, I would like to say that, aside from SPACE-logic (!), there's also the fact that she very well could have been desperate to get a job that would actually meet her needs, after being fired from the previous one, especially considering the economy making those other jobs worse than they would seem, her professional skills most likely not being too... suited for many other jobs, as that was a specialist job. Also, considering the unemployed's description of being a big enough chunk of the populace to be a horde, that might just contribute to it.
Now, I feel I might actually read the story again... But I'll be doing a few other things, too, and might not finish it tonight.
Car's flying is understandable. If they had an autopilot system, that is... If not, that just increases the problems with drunk driving and things we have now, will cause many more wrecks, much worse damage upon said accidents, ect. They'd also be more expensive, and possibly difficult to fuel.
Sooo... I'm distracted by American Idol, because my mom is watching it, so I think I'll enter this, and perhaps read when I have more concentration.
...
Which Bohr would that quadrant happen to be named after? There are quite a few of them that are relatively important... Perhaps it's named so because it is the area surrounding the crater on the moon, hmm?
Corporal, not "Corporeal". XD
Tight bun... Gives a better idea of how she looks, but doesn't tell what hair color she has...
I like the view into her job/pre-piracy life that you added in there. Shows more of how the future is different than the present, too. Very nice.
Interesting measure, surrounding it with Plexiglass... prevents tampering, somewhat, it also might make it less convenient to get actual sanctioned people in. Probably reasonable overall, though.
I wonder why they have those outfits, though... Also, why they are using a rocket, specifically, when there seem to be more advanced methods of getting into space, now. Presumably more maneuverable craft, too. I suppose it could work to lift something rather heavy off the ground, but that would seem a waste of resources, especially considering the proceedures used with rockets... But whatever. I don't know enough about their logistics to criticize it adequately.
Hadn't been invited to the countown most likely because you were to be shortly ordered off the premises.
Was "Yabba dabba do!" one of those quotes? Niel Armstrong said that while he was on the moon, presumably because of the fun of walking on the moon.
I assume the "Exulted Primier" was/is the head of govornment, yes?
Nice view. I especially like the road.
*coughjerkcough*
I don't think they'll be thinking they didn't need her anymore later in the series, especially considering the fact that I'm guessing she's quite good at her job.
WOOT!!!!!!!!! WHITE KNUCKLES ADDS TO THE FEELING OF RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/me is glad for the tears bit
Yep, as I thought, unemployment is a huge factor of life in that time, and it I'm guessing it would be difficult to get jobs because of just that, as well. Taking that in mind, and the fact that he said an entire group of people with the same job as her are being layed off, those jobs in Iowa aren't even guranteed to work out for her.
Drown sorrows in coffee, instead of alchohol... XP
Why, yes, she does. How'd he ever guess?
Hmm... didn't immediately assume he was talking to her, eh? Interesting...
Nice sensory detail, that he actually got out of the cab, there.
Interesting city, Narmstrong... I agree, that DOES make it sound more like a city, and puts that into your head so that they will be thinking as such while reading. Nice touch.
Interesting bay... I agree, probably the central hub for such illegal business and revenues.
That business invitation now sounds more interesting... I suppose there would be more reason for her to choose not to, but it's also more tempting, that way.
Resentment... Hmm... An interesting touch at his deeper psychological traits, there. I won't speculate in words too much, now, but still... I bet you did that on purpose, too. XD
Took my idea about specifiying the emotions of the smile, I see. :)
And so, I am done viewing these edits.
SET SAIL FOR ADVENTURE!!!!!!!! THE NEXT CHAPTER AWAITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
< Message edited by Drakkoniss -- 1/25/2012 21:51:06 >
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