"Argeus strikes again! Kanon with Legionaries, oh my!"


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"Argeus strikes again! Kanon with Legionaries, oh my!"

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1/11/2010 1:54:31

Argeus the Paladin
Member

The Last Cohort, aka. Kanon with Legionaries

I'm back to post another story here. This time, my attention have turned to the Roman Empire and KeyAni and my attempts is now on putting those two together. For those of you who have read my Seisen Engi, consider this one a spiritual successor, literally, since I am effectively recycling those characters who are mine into this one.

This story is one of alternative history. What if the Roman Empire did not lose the battle of Teutoburg Forest and instead pounded Gaius Julius Arminius' Germanic warbands into the ground? What if Augustus Julius Caesar actually had a son who was responsible for such a victory? What if this son, having received a message from the Gods at the Oracles of Delphi to build his future independent of Rome in a new land called Nihonnia? What if that expedition fails, leaving the members of the cohort this bright man brought with him to wander the land of Japan thousands of years later?

That, my friend, is how the Kanon with ROMAN LEGIONARY COHORT comes to life.

In case you didn't know, Nihonnia is Japan in Canis Latinicus.

Post #: 1

1/11/2010 5:15:02

Crimzon5
Member

Hey Argeus! I liked the way you did your descriptions. However, a typo ruined this one:

quote:

To complete the martial picture, on his belt was a short sword strapped to his belt, ctattering in the sheath each step he took.

quote:

Having lived much of my life through wars and turmoils, I know that.”

My auto checker says that that word cant be pluralized >.>

quote:

oracles could not have forseen their own demise

foreseen

quote:

The Gods have decreed that by going due

In the past sentences, it 'god/s' wasn't capitalized

quote:

“Only those who follow me can call themselves my friend,” firmly replied Flavius. “The only thing else I would like to tell you, Father, is to take care. May the gods bless you will longevity and happiness as they have blessed me with a future.”
“What irony, my son, what irony,” cried Octavius Julius Caesar Augustus, “that a son has to wish longevity and health for his father in such a way!”

No spacing between the two paragraphs

Heh, so you're making a parallel universe thingy of something that *really* happened in the past? Hmm... I wonder how this'll turn out. But still, I loved the drama and the emotion between father and son that struggles from being a relation to emperor and servant.

Well, I guess I'm done here. I hope to catch up to whatever you post here by reading once it gets posted.

~Crimz ;)

_____________________________

Can you see the Visions?

Post #: 2

1/14/2010 12:37:20

Dewdrop Fairy
Helpful! Dec. 2007 Writer of the Month

I only just skimmed over your story but I promise to read it thoroughly during the weekend. It's a very interesting idea - even if I do find it rather far-fetched ^^ - and it brings back lots of memories of long forgotten Latin classes

.

Just briefly one mistake that, I assume, most readers won't even notice but that practically jumped at me in the very first line: Flavius is not a Roman praenomen (first name) but a nomen gentile (family's name). That of the latter emperor Titus Flavius Vespasianus and his two sons Titus and Domitian, to be precise. I'm not sure about the Roman ways of naming over the course of the empire but at the time of the story (Augustus' time) there is no way somebody could have had "Flavius" as his first name - the naming conventions were very strict, especially in the nobility. - Of course I don't know how "historically correct" you intend to be with such details, especially in a story that is mostly fantasy anyway. But I thought that if you do want to be, it'd be easier to change now than once the story is half finished.

See you around, I'll hopefully be catching up with the story soon!

Post #: 3

1/14/2010 19:55:05

Argeus the Paladin
Member

^^ I always thought Flavius was a given name, a la Rome Total War, whereas it is the first name of the first faction leader of the Julii Family. So it isn't?

*scribbles* this may have to change. Hopefully the impact wouldn't be that huge, knowing that the main character is going to be a particular Takashi Furashino and Hermann "A-chan" Strauss.

Well, thanks for your comments altogether!

Post #: 4

1/17/2010 2:53:36

Dewdrop Fairy
Helpful! Dec. 2007 Writer of the Month

You're welcome ^_^. And I do not think you should stress too much about such a detail as the name; I just wanted to point it out. Again, most people would not even notice.

Off topic: Augustus' original name was Caius Octavius (Thurinus ?). He then got adopted by Caesar and changed his name to that of his new father, as was the rule: Caius Iulius Caesar. It would have been usual to add a fourth name "Octavianus" (i.e. "originally from the Octavius family"), but apparently Augustus never did.
I've never played Rome Total War but Romans, unless they were very closely related, never adressed each other by their first names anyway. It just wasn't done. The usual way to adress somebody would have been by the family name or, even more popular, by the cognomen, the third name, usually indicating the sub-clan the man came from. That could be combined with the praenomen, however: A Publius Cornelius Scipio could be adressed as "Publius Cornelius" or as "Publius Scipio".

Okay, enough confusion caused ^_^. Back to your story. I have now read both "The Last Cohort" and "Siberian March". I very much love the style of language you use. You have a very vivid way to describe the scenery, and the dialogue between old Augustus and his only son was very emotional and all around very well-done. I'n not so fond of long martial speeches, so I did not like the second part of "Siberian March" quite as much. But you did everything to break it up, so it was still an enjoyable read.

The content of the story is another matter entirely. Half of the time I was just shaking my head and thinking "That would never happen". (Why march through Siberia? Why not follow the Silk Road? Why not use the naval route? Why not follow the Danube, if you absolutely want to go on foot? Why would anyone try to continue the march in winter? How would replenishments reach an army on the march through unknown territory at all? Why was an army as exhausted and helpless as the Legio XVII not attacked and wiped out completely on the march through Siberia? And why did Rome not simply send an embassy to China asking for help in this enterprise?)
But then again, that's why it's a fictional story, not a historical report. So I will just brush all historical probabilities aside and let things evolve the way you have planned them ^_^. Thank you for sharing; I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Post #: 5

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