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Musings of an Exhausted Mind: Life
by Circe
Whether we're 13 or 93, we've all had years of experience at living. We've spoken our first word, taken our first steps, and learned our first lesson. But does the learning ever stop? Do we ever get to a point when we can say "I have learned all I can?" Does age really imply wisdom? Do we ever get to a point where we can pack it up and announce to anyone who will listen: I am done?
No - that word is simple and to the point. You never stop learning, growing, or changing. We are the sum total of our experiences, but we never stop experiencing until we're dead, so we never really become who we're meant to be until it's too late. Morbid? Perhaps. I personally find it comforting. It means we're never tied into any one decision or existence. I mean in the literal sense, our existence is fixed until it ends. But in the fluid understanding of the idea, we never stop changing, adapting or growing. So the idea that we never actually reach our potential doesn't discourage me from continuing to try to improve and learn - it just comforts me with the belief that no matter how many times I misstep, there will always be room for a redo.
They say that life isn't like a basketball game. If you hit a shot from the top of the key with four seconds left, no one's usually around to cheer for you. In life, your finest moments happen in private when there's no one around to see, because the decisions that truly count are the ones that are free from external influence. Likewise, when you make a hard decision because you know it is right and not out of any fear of being caught, that makes it truly meaningful. Any decisions made while following the crowd or succumbing to peer pressure may be the right thing, but if not made for the right reasons, they're meaningless, empty gestures of an unsure soul.
But at the same time, life is also not like an episode of Saved by the Bell. Remember when Zack would say, "time out," and turn to talk directly to the camera, and the people around him would freeze? The 'Bayside time out' does not exist in life, so the ability to stop and take stock of a situation before acting is limited. We occasionally have the leisure of stepping back, removing ourselves from a situation and attempting to judge the circumstances objectively. But more often than not, action is immediate and the urge to leap without looking can be overpowering. And when you leap, chances are it's into the abyss - an action that cannot be taken back no matter how hard you try.
But then, are any actions final? Can you truly do something that cannot be undone if we're always changing, growing and learning? Yes. They say that the intent behind an action isn't always what counts; it is how that action is perceived that makes a difference. I'll agree to a certain extent, that intent only mitigates the outcome of a behavior. If you intend not to hurt someone's feelings but do it anyway, are their feelings any less hurt? Of course not. Your original intention might soothe your guilt, but in the end you are forced to respond to the situation as it exists, not as you had hoped it would exist.
So what does all this pondering mean? To me, it means that life is hard and that the decisions we make along the way usually make it harder, not easier. It means that you have to take help when it's offered and remember that just as you're human and prone to error, so are those around you. It tells me that missteps are common, and that it's how you deal with those mistakes that really reveal the kind of person you are. It tells me that an open mind and a peaceful soul get you farther in life than being aggressive and quick to judge. And finally, it tells me that respect is crucial but elusive if you don't respect yourself first.
< Message edited by Eukara -- 4/7/2009 11:55:14 >
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