Ultrapowerpie
Mail Moogle of AdventureQuest
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The Reapers visit ZardWars!
A portal opened on a distant corner of Lore, and out stepped two mysterious figures, both drabbed in long black robes that covered their features completely. A few seconds afterward, a third figure exited the portal, this one noticeably different from the first two figures.
The third figure wore an extremely evil looking suit of armor, somewhat similar to that of the class Doomknight but with a black base and a blood red trim instead of the other way around. In addition, this suit of armor had black spikes protruding from the shoulders and the helmet, which looked covered the entire face of the armored figure instead of covering the upper portion of the face. Another interesting fact that differed this armor from that of the traditional Doomknight was the weapon the figure wielded was a spear. The spear in question was also completely black with a blood red trim, similar to the figure’s armor, but the spear head was somewhat larger then a normal spear, almost like a partisan’s head but was still shaped like a spear head. The other interesting feature about the spear was that there was a gap straight down the middle of it, roughly 3 centimeters wide, giving the spear an extremely unusual shape and made one wonder if the spear was made for stabbing, slashing or both. The only other thing that could be seen of the actual figure was his glowing red yes from the two slits in the helmet he wore.
“Jenkins, will you please stop looking imposingly evil ready to slaughter anything that stands and start scouting around here?” The second figure said in a deep husky voice that sounded like he was possessed by a demonic spirit.
“Terribly sorry sir, but portal travel always makes me a tad nauseous…” the armored figure replied but was quickly cut off by the second figure.
“Nauseous? Jenkins you’re a walking skeleton! How do you feel nauseous without a stomach?” the second figure responded in disbelief.
“It’s a mental thing sir. When I was still living portal travel made me nauseous, so as a spirit reanimated inside a walking skeleton I still get that every time I do portal travel,” Jenkins nodded slowly.
“Well, I do agree that the portal ride was a little bumpy because SOMEBODY here needs to learn his portal magic…” the second figure said, eyeing the first one.
“Oh knock it off Grim!” the first figure replied, pulling down his hood to reveal a man roughly in his early 20’s with brown hair, brown eyes and absolutely no facial hair. His voice was of a rich baritone while his hair looked like Harry Potter’s haircut in the 4th movie (and if you haven’t seen said movie, Google the DVD and you can see a pic of him. As the omnipotent and lovable author, I command you to!!!).
The second figure lifted his hood up so that his face could be seen, which revealed a skull with glowing red eyes. At first glance one might actually mistake this creature for Death, but since this figure just stepped out of a portal from another dimension, you would be incorrect with this assumption.
“Hey, YOU’RE the one who said you needed to practice your portal magic and wanted us to come with you so that way you wouldn’t be all alone in another dimension ,” Grim countered.
“I did NOT say that whatsoever, you malignant twister of words. I said I wanted some extra back up in case I accidentally get sent to another dimension of… well, you know…” the first figure stated.
“Yes, I remember having to come in and bail you out... that was a terrible terrible place. Never take us to a dimension like that… EVER!! I swear Necro you get us in the most outrageous…”
“CRIKEY!!” a random voice interjected.
“I say gentlemen, where exactly are we? We seem to be in a forest of some sorts that seems to go on and on and on and on with no distinguishable difference between backgrounds… and I also say! It appears that there is a random mutant creature running towards us yelling…”
“CRIKEY!”
“Yes, exactly… uh, what a hideous form that thing is! It has a pair of human legs but there’s some sort of… thing on top of it is such an abomination of nature… I mean the eyes are like sideways of the feet, then it has like two more feet and some arms… it’s so grotesque…”
“Jenkins, it’s a monster trying to eat a human,” Necro clarified.
“Ohhhhhhh, so that’s why it looks like a hideously misshapen creature… but still that creature eating the human is very odd looking,” Jenkins nodded.
“As compared to an owlbear?” Grim asked.
“Good point… you know I really think we should help him out…”
“Oh no, the monster is coming over here!!!!”
And so the scenery fades to black as a loading screen suddenly appears out of nowhere, and then the battle begins!
“What is this, why are we all just standing abreast like this with our weapons drawn?” Grim asked, with his plainly made scythe out to bear.
“Oh no, I’ve seen a set up like this before… we must be in a world with a pure JRPG scenario set up! We now have to take turns fighting each other!!!!” Necro said in horror, with his weapon out. The scythe itself was wicked looking compared to Grim’s Scythe. The entire shaft was black, and the blade shone with a will-o-wisp aura around the black silver metal. The blade itself was slightly longer then Grim’s, and jagged. Engraved on the blade in blood red were runes of a particularly cool nature.
“Great, so how does this go?” Grim asked.
“Let’s see here, according to this conveniently placed “how-to-fight” book that was at my feet, I’m in the Playable Character Slot, Grim is in the Guest Slot, while Jenkins is in the…” Necro stopped as he tried to stifle a giggle.
“I’m in the what?” Jenkins asked irritably, knowing he wouldn’t like the answer.
“The Pet Slot…” Necro said, then burst out laughing .
“Can we PLEASE get back to this fight?” Jenkins asked, extremely annoyed now.
“Oh relax, it’s turn based, the enemy isn’t allowed to do jack until I make my move. I can easily kill this monster thingy,” Necro stated in a confident manner.
“But can you do it in a manner that doesn’t kill the poor soul inside the monster?” Grim asked.
“We’ll see, oooh, I have a spell list now… Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm… what’s this spell? Power World Die Ultra??” Necro asked curiously
“Ehhh? Never heard of it, you might as well try it out…” Grim shrugged.
And so Necro cast the spell, and suddenly after a magic circle of the 8 elements of Lore appeared Death himself came out and carefully killed the monster without killing the human inside.
“Wait a second…” Death said suddenly, quickly turning around and eyeing the two Reapers and their Sentinel.
“Grim, is that you??!” Death said in an unusually friendly voice.
“Death, buddy!!!” Grim replied as the two skeletal reapers ran towards each other and embraced each other in a deathly hug.
“You two know each other??” Necro asked, slightly disturbed.
“Sure, this Death, one of my analogs!” Grim nodded sagely. “This particular analog runs a pretty messed up place named LORE.”
“Hold it… LORE?” Necro asked, taken aback.
“Yes, LORE, what’s wrong with that?”
“Land Of Rising Evil” LORE?” Necro asked again.
“Yes…”
“The same LORE that’s in the middle of the demilitarized zone that both the FCPA and FCDA shun because the area is too chaotic for them to even begin to try to help out??!!” Necro asked horrified.
“Oh, you mean the regulating forces of the Fictional Omniverse that continually battle it out to help protect/destroy the protagonists in their quests? Yeah, you’re right, we are in the… ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” Grim suddenly grew quiet as he realized the gravity of the situation.
“Dude, if we’re in one of the areas that the FCPA/FCDA won’t touch, who knows HOW messed up this planet is…” Necro shuddered.
“Hey now, don’t… no, no, you’re actually right, this place IS pretty messed, especially with all the timeline splits it has. It’s no wonder that the FCPA and FCDA avoid this place like the plague. Anyways, I got more souls to reap, so I’ll leave y’all with the Zardhunter here. Bye!” Death said as he disappeared in the blink of an eye.
“Crikey, that was a nasty piece of work! Good thing you all came by and save me from that Zard! I’m the Zardhunter, pleasure to meet ya mate!” the Zardhunter said, stretching out his hand in friendship.
“Uhhh, what is a Zard?” Necro asked, wearily shaking the Zardhunter’s hand.
“Crikey, that be the little fella that tried to eat me earlier!”
“Oh, so THAT’S what that horrible abomination was on top of you,” Jenkins said stoically.
“Abomination? Zards are fascinating creatures!” the hunter said in their defense.
“They look like some sort of horrible mutation between a lizard and a frog…”
“That’s cause they are! Crikey, are you fellas not from around here?”
“You could say that… where exactly are we?” Necro asked, trying to stay polite.
“Crikey, you’re at Outpost Zardina! Out here you can see over 20 types of Zards! Endless Zards as far as the eye can see… with the occasional other monster just to throw things up,” the Zardhunter explained.
“So we’re in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a bunch of a Zards with only this little trade hunt that has a… pathetic arsenal of equipment at our disposal?”
“There’s also a portal that leads to the main town of Battleon that lets you visit the stat trainers!”
“Wait, why don’t you just evacuate this area through that portal, or visit the shops in the main town to get better equipment?” Necro asked.
“Crikey, why would anyone want to do that? At Outpost Zardina we got the best view of Zards around!” the hunter responded.
“But you’re surrounded by endless tides of Zards! If I didn’t know better, I’d say we were in the middle of a ZardWar!”
“Crikey that’s a right nice name for a game, hope no one’s taken it yet,” the Zardhunter nodded.
“Grim, I’ve had enough of this insane place that’s surrounded by these little weirdo creatures and whatnot, let’s go home,” Necro requested.
“That’s fine with me, but first we have to do something about all these Zards around here. We don’t want these filthy little vermin…”
“Hey, they’re not vermin! They’re not even related to B.U.R.Ps!” the Zardhunter interjected.
“…the bloody buggers running amuck in our own home realm, or any other. I think these things multiply faster then bunnies, which is saying something. Necro, if you would use another spell to start destroying stuff…”
“Crikey, you can’t do that! You have to engage every single monster in turn based combat! That’s the battle rules around here on LORE!”
“I’m a necromancer, therefore I’m allowed to summon vast hoards of undead to fight, correct?” Necro asked irritably.
“Well yes, but that’s usually for adventurers and guardians to fight against, not to use them against other monsters…” the Zardhunter said, rubbing the back of his head.
“Well, maybe if the necromancers turned their limitless hordes against the monsters, there’d be less rising evil round here, now, let’s summon something big…”
And in a few minutes of frantic gestures, magic circles and various other mumbo jumbo, Necro managed to summon Lore’s largest, biggest, most undead…
“Zard,” Jenkins said bluntly.
“Look, that’s ALL that is around here for bones, what was I supposed to do? Besides, a giant undead Zard fits in perfectly with this loony world. GIANT UNDEAD ZARD, DESTROY!!!”
And so the GUZ went rampaging around Outpost Zardina, completely destroying it and the surrounding area’s flora and fauna. The Zardhunter was left flabbergasted (that is one of my FAVORITE words of all times and I finally used it in this story, I’m satisfied) while the Reapers opened up a portal and went through it, leaving Outpost Zardina in a very destroyed state. The only hope for Outpost Zardina was for a random guardian to find the legendary lost outpost and help the poor Zardhunter rebuild it from the ashes and hopefully defend Zardina from the rampaging Zards. Will it be you?
And as for Lore, this will not be the only visit the Reapers will pay this very insane planet. Keep checking back for more fanfics!
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