Purrfect Blossoms/Weird Poetry


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7/16/2008 12:35:49

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi,

I decided to take a shot on serious poetry and post some tanka-influenced pieces in CW.
I'm trusting that the constrictive form of the tanka shall sufficiently tone down the otherwise omnipresent rawness of my poems.

The set of poems can be found here
There is a total of 31 poems, which were added in five separate parts.
All parts are now posted!

Any comments will be appreciated.

Enjoy!

A collection of my other poetical experiments can be found here:
Weird Poetry

Since I'm prefer to scribble prose instead of poetry, I decided that this one comment thread shall suffice, even if it was originally created for comments on the series of tankas.

< Message edited by Fleur Du Mal -- 3/6/2011 13:44:31 >

Post #: 1

7/21/2008 6:56:07

gwoonjustin
April 2008 Writer of the Month

How did I not even see this?
Well, I did now.
Good thing you decided to put it up after all!
I hope you'll find some solution to work around the ones you didn't wanna post.

Good luck, and don't let this take your mind off of the Cult completely(!)

Do I still need to tell you what I think? You know that...
Oh well, a public announcement wouldn't hurt.
I LOVE IT!

If I ever not notice some new project like this, or an update to this or any of your other stuff, for like three days, please pm me a reminder.

EDIT:
Now that I did find it, I much as well see if my hefty Katana can butcher some of it too (what, there's people with grammar-hammers walking around, I'm entitled to some cool weapon too, aren't I?).

quote:

Unsure certainty
brings this passing soul home to
converse with mirrors.
Answers come in all colours;
they make me wither in doubt.

The first line doesn't work too well here.
It seems you just put in the contradiction just to put it in and make it sound cool. Which is does, by the way, but it doesn't fit the overall theme. The 'unsure' is what it is about; I don't spot any 'certainty'. The way you could make that work is by first making a certainty and then create doubt about that certainty. Something symbolic perhaps like "is rain always a bad thing" symbolizing good/evil struggle. Or just change the first line

.

That's all for now.

< Message edited by gwoonjustin -- 7/21/2008 7:04:30 >

Post #: 2

7/21/2008 10:30:57

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hey!

Thanks for reading and loving it!

About that comment: I actually though very long about that first line. It's there to underline the fact that even certainty is unsure. Or the "I" in the poem is certain about the uncertainty; that would be another way to interpret it. It's meant to be very confusing. So, to me it fits there.
Plus I'm allowed to have a cool line in at least one of my writings, now aren't I? =P

Conclusion: not changing it, I'm afraid.
But a bunch of thanks for the well reasoned comment!

Post #: 3

7/22/2008 8:27:04

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Anyways, Part II: Repeat the Fall has been added.

enjoy....

Post #: 4

7/22/2008 9:19:27

gwoonjustin
April 2008 Writer of the Month

Loved em... Especially the third one. Good job!

Post #: 5

9/9/2008 14:05:25

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi!

Finally reorganised. And updated.

The first two chapters have been reposted. For those who have seen these already earlier: I've changed the title of the whole set from Evermore to Purrfect Blossoms. Also, the title of the first set has been changed from Doubt and Falter to Fool's Enemies. Short cut.

I also made a little addition: The third set, called The Lone Philosopher has been added.

Post #: 6

9/9/2008 14:20:47

gwoonjustin
April 2008 Writer of the Month

YAY! More from the feline poet/prosist of L&L!

Love the new title! Reference much appreciated ;)
So, the new stuff:

quote:

What was the prize sought-after?

Hyphen? Really?

Good! GOOD! YAY!

Uhm, kinda lost myself in the moment (you own it you only got one shot, do not miss a chance to blow. It's the opportunity man, once in a lifetime, go!*) there. Anyway, good stuff. Keep up the good work. Tally Ho! I say, chap! And so forth, and so forth.

*Yes, I am embarressed of knowing these Eminem lyrics.

Post #: 7

9/10/2008 12:39:48

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Thank you for your enthusiasm! Glad you liked the new ones, too. =)

About the hyphen: yes. Really. My 'Collins Cobuild'-dictionary even gives a juicy example:

"She became quite sought-after as an after-dinner speaker."

The thing that might be deceiving here is that I deliberately messed the word order: 'the prize sought-after', instead of the normal 'the sought-after prize.'

Post #: 8

9/11/2008 5:34:10

Crimzon5
Member

Isn't Fabula the same person that said that poetry wasn't much of a biggy compared to stories *tries to recall* oh well...

quote:

Crimson soldiers fight,
like ghosts in brittle void.
What was the prize sought-after

~~typo!!!~~ Sorry, couldn't resist xD

Heh, the title made me think that there were cats involved. But heh, I dont know how to critic a poem, might as well give a comment on its excellence

_____________________________

Can you see the Visions?

Post #: 9

9/15/2008 9:01:49

Fleur Du Mal
Member

@Crimz: Thanks for the encouraging comment! Gotta love that typo...=P

Lol, I occasionally get the urge of pouring poetry out of my system. Usually it's quite raw and horrible but I still can't help writing it. Surprisingly, I've also found that scribbling poems works as a way to fight a complete writer's block for me. Whenever I can't go forward with my prose, I'll torture some paper with these =P. Anyways, the constrictive form of the tankas help, so I felt confident enough to post these for further improvement. Thanks again for commenting!

DF	Post #: 10

9/26/2008 19:41:57

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Updated by adding the fourth set titled Possessed

Enjoy, comment, slaughter, butcher, whatever pleases you! =P

DF	Post #: 11

9/30/2008 16:10:07

Fleur Du Mal
Member

This experimental set of tankas is now finished!

Posted last 7 tankas under the title Temptations of Cursed Solitude

To be on the safe side, I just want to mention/warn/note that this last set may feel quite depressing.

As always, all comments will be appreciated!

DF	Post #: 12

10/1/2008 6:40:33

gwoonjustin
April 2008 Writer of the Month

I seem to not have commented on the series before the last, either! Madness!

quote:

There goes Dante again, frowned.

frowned?

Wow! Really dramatic, very emotional; excellent! I love how possessed and temptations seem connected, thought they can be concidered as individual sets as well.

Good!
Now write more poetry!
Please?!
Anyway: good job!

AQ	Post #: 13

10/4/2008 4:54:52

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Hi!

Oh, you liked them! =) *is happy-happy-happy* (moving on...=P)

Anyways, that 'frowned'... eh, that's me changing that line too many times, trying to reach the correct syllable count and ending up with a catastrophe... Corrected to:

quote:

Dante walks away, frowning.

And yes, the last two sets, "Possessed" and "Temptations" are loosely connected. I'd describe it as if the focus of violent emotions would shift from obsession to love (Possessed) to obsession to despair ("Temptations") as the (imagined?) change of love has been taken away in one way or another. This is just a one way to interpret it.

Tons of thanks!
*purrs*

DF	Post #: 14

12/9/2008 16:45:25

Fleur Du Mal
Member

I think I have said many times that when I'm not writing haikus or tankas, my poetry tends to be ranty or too weird. Well, I'm leaving the ranty stuff out, but I decided to ask you exactly how weird the other poems are. Here is the first one:

The End of All Things

It is poem that got its name from LotR soundtrack. Otherwise, it has nothing to do with the movie/book.

If you find out what it is about, do tell me. I'm not too sure myself... =P

Beware! =P

DF	Post #: 15

12/17/2008 18:36:12

Cow Face
One Heck of a Guy

One of the things which I have come to enjoy about Legends and Lore is the diversity of styles and genres in the works. Reading Purrfect Blossoms has introduced me to a type of poetry which I previously did not know existed. The poems- or should I call them blossoms?- are very enjoyable, and often quite beautiful.

Fabula, your symbolism and imagery amazed me. In particular, the first poem of The Lone Philosopher was extremely good. I love your description of the gravestones being lonely, and the simile of the soldiers being like ghosts in a void. It raises the question inevitable in any war, "Why are we here?" Again, beautiful.

I really wish that I had a bit more to say, that I could find the words to express how much I enjoy reading your poetry. Unfortunately, my inarticulate mind has failed me once again. Let it hopefully suffice to say that your poetry was new and interesting to me, and you have great talent.

Post #: 16

12/18/2008 18:00:02

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Wow, thank you so much for taking time to read and comment, Cow Face! I'm sorta...kinda...near...almost...speechless 'cause of your praise!

You were not familiar with tankas? Well, I guess they are less known compared to haikus, and even more unknown compared to limericks, etc, at least on English-speaking forums. After all, I suspect that Japanese syllables and English syllables are pretty far from each other, especially when written, and therefore, these syllable-based, painted-art-next-of-kin poems are less used than the "normal" Western rhyming and lyrical poetry. Nah, this is just me guessing =P

I'm oddly fond of that particular poem myself. If I recall correctly, the words 'like ghosts in brittle void' came to me while pondering on some samurai philosophy. If a part of the road of the warrior is to accept death, to seek death, does the death become the prize? The honourable death, to be more exact. Or, universally thinking, if so many seek their glory (fight for someone else's glory) in war, but only few survive...who is there to light candles and bring flowers on their graves? (Hence the lonely graves) Who is left to remember who they were before they died if so many will die? And yet there are wars where people fought because their country was invaded; wars where the prize was independence. I'm not trying to question the honour of that. It's just an expression of a passing thought of mine with all these modern wars mingling with the old wars in my brain.

Thank you so much for the comment, once again!

DF	Post #: 17

1/26/2009 14:31:46

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Due to listening too much Placebo (you should be able to see the traces of influence if you are familiar with their music) a petty little love poem called 1s and 0s was born.

Enjoy and comment if you like!

DF	Post #: 18

2/20/2009 10:42:40

Fleur Du Mal
Member

A new poem in the Weird Poetry Thread called Wasted Shadows

I'm starting to wonder if I should have named the thread 'Dark and Depressing Poetry' instead of Weird poetry... =P

Anyways, the new piece is written in a form of a slightly broken villanelle as I am not (yet) skillfull enough to heed every rule of the form and still deliver what I want to say. And, yeah, beware, the poem's dark. =P

DF	Post #: 19

2/20/2009 11:53:11

Firefly
Lore-ian

Reading the lunch-hour (or rather, five minutes) away with your latest poem. Since I'm kinda in a hurry, I'll just comment in general before I forget entirely. I love the imagery and the emotions you portrayed here (and it's not too dark, don't worry). The ties between the first stanza and the last were very powerful. My only objection is, because of the form that requires a lot of rhyme, you end up sometimes straining the rhyme by doing things like inverting the sentence structure which comes off a bit forced. Not sure if you are able to fix this...

_____________________________

AQ	Post #: 20

2/20/2009 15:57:07

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Thank you so very much for the comment, Firefly! Glad you find the imagery worthwhile. Lol, I have to admit that forced rhymes are a /huge/ problem for me, and I can't currently find no better solution of fixing that than what've already tried. Trust me, the very first version had a couple of solutions far worse... =P

It may be because of my native language, but inverting the sentence structure doesn't always come off forced to me. There are bits in this poem, though, where it doesn't work now. However, I think I've broken enough of the villanelle structure as it is already, and I'm not going to obey my usual laziness which would mean ditching the rhymes from a couple of lines. =P

I need to think about the rhymes more and edit it later, obviously.

As for the darkness:
Maybe it's because the thoughts and theories I'm going through when producing this kind of stuff are so much darker than the outcome end up to be that they drive me to be paranoid about 'being too dark'. =P

DF	Post #: 21

2/20/2009 16:54:58

Firefly
Lore-ian

I kinda meant that the inverted sentences were tied in with the somewhat-forced rhymes. Like, I sometimes felt you inverted the line to satisfy the rhyme... if I'm making sense. Sorry I couldn't be of more help. =/

AQ	Post #: 22

3/13/2009 16:13:04

Fleur Du Mal
Member

I've been staring the Wasted Shadows my head tilted left, my neck turned right and almost standing upside down, lol, but there wasn't much I could do. <zombieVoice> I need to satisfy the rhyme...</zombieVoice> Anyways, I toned down a couple of lines to cut down some words I really didn't need and changed the second line to less redundant version.

***
Now, there's a new poem called The Demon in the Ceiling which has a dark backstory... About the structure first: it has rhymes but it isn't written according to any specific form.

The bottom-line inspiration is driven by a visit to the "questioning cells" under the Nuernberg old city hall around a year ago. History of Europe can be quite barbarian... Anyways, back in the days, the Nuernberger court needed (at least regarding to certain crimes) a confession before judging the punishment and to get the confession, the officials tortured the suspect. Now, this questioning cell that I saw has a high ceiling with a hole in it so that the judge didn't have to be present in the depths of the dungeon but could listen to the proceeding of the 'questioning' from a more comfortable room above the cell.

This cell has haunted my mind and I actually sketched a chapter that uses this specific piece of cruel history for a story. The contexts have changed, but the topography of the room still lingers around in the writing... I'm not sure if I ever will write down the whole novel =P, but just to play around with the idea, I reworded parts of the chapter into this poem. It turned out a bit disturbing. Nothing explicit though, but read at your own risk. This warning maybe overtly cautious, because I've abridged this from "the original scene", and therefore may give more gravity to this than it should get.

DF	Post #: 23

3/13/2009 22:59:49

Crimzon5
Member

*Escapes the clutches of my books and reviewers*

*Escapes OOC shackels*

*I told you that I'm still an L&Ler xP*

Heh, spooky poem you got there. The warning there should also say that's its kinda creepy (or was it just me?)

quote:

He joins us and now there's four.

Wait, there's the persona, the de***, and the judge. Who's the 4th?

< Message edited by Crimzon5 -- 3/13/2009 23:04:09 >

Post #: 24

4/2/2009 2:32:10

Fleur Du Mal
Member

Thanks for the comment, Crimzon!

Spooky, eh? I'm flattered. =P Anyways, I seem to think that the definition 'disturbing' includes creepy, so I think the warning is fine now. =P

About the fourth person. The narrator in the poem is a bit deranged, and (s)he's not counting her/himself.

quote:

and his mules, his mules they question me,
earning their daily straws with torturing labour.

There's the demon 1), the judge 4) and the judge's mules (I would imagine there would be one torturer and one assistant to 'help in the questioning'), who are numbers 2 and 3).

Thanks again and my apologies for the delayed reply!

***
To anyone else who might read this and has been wondering where have I been: I got bound into RL. Easter is next week, I'm having a vacation and my AE-activity shall increase again (next weekend or next week, at the latest). So, see you all then!

DF	Post #: 25

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