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(HS) The Rocket - Discussion

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7/14/2011 14:06:17   
lowzaras
Member



Welcome the Discussion Thread of my new Herosmash story "The rockets"


What do you think?
Post #: 1
7/14/2011 14:19:28   
Celestin123
Member

Hmm , interesting story but from who's the main character?

Edit: Oh ok although I think in herosmash he's called martial artix, im not sure,
and ill make sure to read the next chapters


< Message edited by Celestin123 -- 7/14/2011 15:08:58 >
AQ  Post #: 2
7/14/2011 15:07:00   
lowzaras
Member

The main character is Cysero , Yergen and Artix

Oh yea forgot got to edit that.

Chapter 2 is up.

< Message edited by lowzaras -- 7/14/2011 15:41:55 >
Post #: 3
7/14/2011 19:37:43   
lowzaras
Member

Any characters like to be in my story for chapter 4 and 5 and my second book?
Post #: 4
7/15/2011 13:31:11   
lowzaras
Member

Book complete!
Post #: 5
7/15/2011 15:31:20   
Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!


 Something that will make that clearer and easier to understand is establishing who is talking when you write dialogue. YOu have a ton of talking going on, yet, no real identification as to who is talking.

Also, there is no action going on, no details, no setting, no real characterization. All this is, is about 95% dialogue. It would be much more helpful for you and the reader if you described the scenes while all this talking is happening, creating not just a group of quotes, but having the story actually happen as they talk.
AQ DF MQ AQW Epic  Post #: 6
7/15/2011 15:37:22   
lowzaras
Member

That is true i forgot to put "Said Cysero" "Asked Cysero "Cried Cysero"


Thanks, Eukara Vox for letting me know, i'll fix things
Post #: 7
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