Eukara Vox
Legendary AdventureGuide!
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Something that will make that clearer and easier to understand is establishing who is talking when you write dialogue. YOu have a ton of talking going on, yet, no real identification as to who is talking. Also, there is no action going on, no details, no setting, no real characterization. All this is, is about 95% dialogue. It would be much more helpful for you and the reader if you described the scenes while all this talking is happening, creating not just a group of quotes, but having the story actually happen as they talk.
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